I am fainting
I am trying
My bones are showing
and I am dying

So before I take
My very last breathe
refer to my poem "The River"
And maybe then, I can rest.

I am broken
I am beaten down
Maybe now I..
am the one who cannot respond

Throw me this way
That way too
But I won't tell a soul
Because I love you

I wanted to start this off
With something I had in my head
…but once again
That is off and gone to bed

I will never forget
And before I can even speak it
The words you said

Oh  "Benadryl,
And a bottle of liquor! A hot bath…"
I’m getting sicker…
every day since

But here I am
Sitting…waiting…listening
Not because I need you (though I do so desperately)
So I can know you’re home safe and glistening

And he said….
You know what?

I
Am
Done
Writing
This
For
The likes of…
HIM

I have been destroyed
Beaten down
I don’t know what to do
Because before too long, I will too, drown.

Goodnight.

No.

Sitting here
Scared to death
Watching Suits
Just to calm my breath

Panic panic panic
I will not know
Till I *** on that stick
And if it’s negative…

“You need to pack your bags and go.”

Music education
My dream and I made it
But how can I do it
When my self worth falls down a stream

Stream of leaves
Stream my ***
Throw my food against the wall again
Tired of it…so feel my wrath

Grab me
Shake me
Throw me
Scream at me
...be the lover whose only other love knows who you aren't tired of and hopefully it's not me

…

Accept you will not face it

…

So I will continue
Starving
Fainting
Dying
Is that not what you wanted?

so let me die

The mother, so carefully
She planted her precious seed
A beauty of her own
With a life she wanted to lead

Slowly each day
The little girl grew
An old soul she was
And everyone knew

With each passing year
She flourished in the rain
She thrived in the sun
But the years brought pain

Her soft petals
Her sweet smell
Made her vulnerable
It was easy for them to tell

Easily neglected
Comfortably brought down
Her heart weakened
So she wilted and frowned

And turning to the rain
She hoped it would guide
She listened to it closely
But the rain also lied

Her mother watched
As her sweet flower grew cold
Her petals, they browned
And far too soon, she grew old

All she had ever wanted
Was to finally be free
Free to dance
And herself to be

The night began
All dressed up and ready to go
And the final step
Was where the night was to blow

He put on her favorite songs
And poured the first shot
It seemed after seven
Was where she forgot

Everyone has their own story
Seemingly they loved to share
But how do they know
When they weren’t even there?

She woke up alone
Cold, ***** on her bed
A swollen black eye
And a pounding dizzy head

From this day on
She’s had to pay the price
But she didn’t want any of this
The night was going so nice...

No one really cared
There’s not even a chance
Alone, cold, and scared
When she just wanted to dance

It’s a house
Yes.
And lately, finally, it’s home

Broken? maybe
Exhausted
Ruined
Beaten
Dead
What else?

But still, it is home.

And you, you’ve been my escape
From all the screams and tears
All the broken pieces

You became my home
To take me away from home

And just like my own,
We are now
Exhausted
Ruined
Beaten
Dead.

I could leave
But why...why would I

when all I have to do
is watch the setting sun in that backyard filled with sunny, mocking memories

when all I have to do
is run my fingers through your hair
and stare into the eyes that manipulated me for so long


And I’m at home

I shove those metal doors open
At the very moment I shove away my cares

I step out onto the pavement
and stand stunned
as the sun hits me in the face with a big hello

I kick off my beaten, off-white shoes
And run to the soft green grass
Scrunching it between my toes

I look up at the flag
I pledged to every day
And watch it wave in the wind
And I wave goodbye

And then
the car pulls up
inhale
exhale
cry
smile
sprint
jump in
laugh
scream
and burn out of there
Drive me away
Away from the end

Because this is the end I've been waiting for
To finally arrive at my beginning

Red

Oh sweet red wine
I love to feel you
Drip down my throat
Make me love the night

Liquor
You’re so harsh
Send my chest burning
Burn me
Until I can’t feel my skin

Until I can’t feel anything

Make me spin
Until I can’t see
Until I can’t see their face...

I don’t want to remember
Dear wine,
*****,
Tequila,
Whiskey,
***,

Whoever you are...
You’ll get the job done

Thank you for all that you do

Make me forget