When you're the only kid in class who forgot to do their homework
you're scared
When half of the class, including you, forgot to do their homework
you don't care
Why is it comforting to fail with others?
We all get the same grade.

There was once a girl named indigo //
And there was a Christmas tree she wanted to chop down
She possessed all the tools to complete this task
She received a saw for chopping the wood
She picked up the saw and got on her knees
But then something peculiar happened //
Something so ******* strange yet entrancing at the same time
// The tree
began to grow backwards into the ground
the roots became a seed
and life became counter clockwise
counter clockwise of insanity and greed
Bluejays swum while cod fish flew
Her world got kicked over by the bully from school
She wanted to shoot everything because nothing made sense any more
More than anything she just wanted to be
But the subliminal messages she couldn’t read
While supercritical people just watched her bleed
The alphabet no longer went from A to Z
/and there was no such things as vowels//
without vowels she couldn’t write poetry
and without poetry she had no oxygen
her world was no more
it was all in code
it was so ****** up it was like watching the liveliness come out of her father’s throat
Oh wait, I didn’t tell you
Indigo watched the liveliness come out of her father’s throat//
Indigo became a synonym for insanity
the tornado spit her out like a beautiful waterfall
instead of ******* her in//
all she could do is fall //
but//
she can’t breathe
and she’s being compressed
she can’t see
she’s understanding less
she’s trying to act what society classifies as normal
but it is a useless approach
she is climbing in gym class, but without a rope
yet the rope is a noose
She is over analyzing herself into a hiatus space
Where it’s not actually hiatus but filled with chaotic mace
The mace is getting sprayed in her retinas
But she can’t see anything
Regretin the
Upside down world she created
Life stuck in reverse not tolerated
Revolving in ways that make her isolated//
But maybe if she stopped//
Stopped
Separating the separated
Decided to educate the educated
And learn to not under estimate the estimated
Then she too could feel that feeling again
but
Indigo can’t feel
And
She says
Hit me
Punch me
Kick me
Shoot me
Just do whatever you can to make me feel
Feel this feelingless life so I can begin heal
She wakes up and opens her eyes and now she is blind
The chaos has turned her heart into a mind
And mind into the heart
Where brain waves pump blood instead of intellectual parts
And her car won’t stop going in reverse but she is still pushing it forward to start
But it’s stuck
She’s stuck
Help indigo she’s stuck
All I want is for indigo is to be what she is:
a deep captivating blue
and I want her to captivate the blue
like the ocean captivates the white part of the waves//
the part that crashes the hardest at mid day
and I want the wave to push her over
PUSH ME OVER WAVE
HIT ME
PUNCH ME
KICK ME
SHOOT ME
MAKE ME FEEL AGAIN
MAKE ME THE CAPTIVATING BLUE
FORCE ME-TO-CAPTIVATE-THAT-BLUE
AND MAYBE MY BRAIN WILL TURN BACK INTO MY BRAIN
AND MY HEART WILL TURN BACK INTO A HEART
WHERE IT DOES PUMP BLOOD INSTEAD OF INTELLECTUAL PARTS
AND I’LL LEARN TO READ THE SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES PEOPLE SAID TO ME
AND I’LL EVEN APPRECIATE WHEN I BLEED
EVEN IF SUPERCRITICAL PEOPLE WERE THE CAUSE OF IT AND NOT ME
And I’ll learn to breath, I’ll learn to breathe, and I’ll learn all over again because
After all, all Indigo was, was one thing:
A deep captivating blue.

You asked me to tango
(yet again)
and I always accept.
Willingly, you lead me
in the direction of neglect.
This is how it always begins:
you ask me to dance
I can't say no
you lead me astray
with too much control
And I
A coward
for letting you win
but this time
it's different
because my soul will always live
So shake it off
again and again
because you never mattered
except to teach me what did.

hey you
...I feel it too
the panic at two AM
deprivation of sleep
but your dog needs to be fed.
work - funny joke
school...never quite on time
but we have to keep going
so the stars stay aligned
and each one sparkles
with a different light
shimmery whites to
metallic grays

Nothing has ever felt so backwards
each day I take a step
and every two days I take two back
I think I'm over you
I'm totally ready to move on
then someone asks me how you're doing
and I say I don't know
then I have to tell them why I don't know
then I realize
how fragile it all is
how, so suddenly, I don't know "how you're doing" anymore
exchange of words once threaded with love
suddenly turned into no words at all
the next day rolls by
and I'm doing fine
then another friend asks
"how's he doing?"
then I feel it again
like a little pen sticking my gooey heart
pressure on the chest doesn't last long
but I feel it
and that's when I take two steps back
when I realize I still care.

Hasn't it been awhile?
I'm sitting in this coffee shop on magazine
To the left of me is a man
He has dark hair
A long sleeve button down
Worn out jeans
White crew socks
He's wearing a pair of New Balance tennis
He looks nothing like you
But
Y'all have the same shoes
Yours were a little more worn
And obviously older
But I thought of you
It made everything a lot less colder

All we do is consume
Constant consumption
We want attention
When we're not needy
We want food
When we're not hungry
We ask for money
When we don't need it.
But sometimes we do
And that's okay.