We both love things like creeping ivy
we swallow it all whole

I once broke your jaw in my sleep
because I dreamt it would make you soft-spoken

and I feel like a bull barreling down a thin hallway
and you are sleek black paint jobs

and I am just your unexpected ****** nose
spilling out onto the pavement and
dripping on your pressed button up shirt

I am this acid on your tongue slowly melting
and you wish I’d do it quicker
because I leave a bad taste in your mouth

and im sorry for that

I never meant to step on your toes with my
heavy boots
and this 35 pound heart

and this skin that seems to grow and fade from view
because I am in the midst of becoming invisible

and just last Thursday I walked through my first wall

But I guess you would know a thing or two about that

because I haven't seen you in over two months
so would you tell me where you disappeared to?

I have guts- they're just defective
The graffiti in the bathroom stall makes no sense
I think I wrote it when I was drunk on ***** 2 weeks ago

I broke my favorite ring on purpose yesterday
I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've been sober for too long and now I'm paying for that

I skipped a party so I could sleep
Or talk on the phone with my boyfriend
I kissed him on Tuesday
But I'm still not sure what he looks like
can't commit his profile to memory

He seems more like a ghost than I do
Are we lovers fading from view
Is this when we start walking through walls

I ran into someone today on purpose
To make sure I didn't pass through them
To make sure I wasn't invisible

Sometimes I feel like a seagull in a parking lot

I haven't had candy for weeks
I deprive myself food so I feel like I have space to speak

My heart is a silent buzzing
Hand to chest there is no beat
Blood pressure nonexistent
Nurse tried 4 times to get a reading

Can only take blood from one arm
Veins too tangled around knotted scar tissue

Two summers ago I deflated my body like a popped beach ball
They patched the hole and filled me
I have yet to learn my lesson

When I turned 13 I convinced myself I hated everyone

Dogs are scared of me like a fish to a shark
Maybe they can smell cold blood pumping
Can tell there is something off about me

I have eyes like power lasers

I know why people don't talk to me
Look but don't speak
Don't touch without permission

I have ruined 37 lives like a curse

I am a contagious disease
You brought me on yourself

I feel like frostbite and sandpaper

I will not fix you
I will flay you open

I am contagious
But you already knew that

Saw it in my bones the first time you ever met me

Have you ever seen someone in so much pain
something in their face looks like they are on fire?

I am in love with a burning man

Do you feel this in your heart

I cut my veins open so you could stitch yourself into them

And all you got from trying to steal that gargoyle statue
last semester was a cracked spine

I like to kiss the insides of your hip bones

I like to trace my tongue along the surgery scars

And run my fingertips along the space where
your bellybutton should be

You are a burning man
All intensity
Looking in your eyes reveals a fire

You drink liquor like its water
and always have a few pills ready to be crushed

Then again, so do I

I guess that’s why when we were listening to
Morrison in my friends back seat
I took my $2 bill and snorted a line straight to the brain

And she whispered
“you two are a match made in heaven”

And I guess we are
If we believed in all that

Personally, when I die I want to go to hell

Because Hell is where you always seem to be

I never meant to make you bleed
I never meant to haunt you

I just wanted to float on air
and mix with water

but since dying
I’ve learned I’m more like oil

I have no use for locks anymore
so I threw away all of my keys

I tried to kiss you in your sleep
but there was too much smoke in the way

I cleaned up the blood trail from your bedroom
to the bathroom down the hall

I’ve learned a lot in a death but it seems
I am forever missing you

I’m falling through the holes in your soul
like grains of sand through fingertips  

we always think we have found someone so beautiful
and it makes it hard for us to see the ugliness that is behind it

there is no pearl being formed in your shell, my dear

and I suppose that should make me afraid

but I haven’t been scared of the dark
or big bad wolves
or boys with a few stitches in their brains
for years now

so just ignore the dripping knife I have in my hand
and please don’t follow the blood trail into the woods

some things are better left unknown

haven’t you ever heard ignorance is bliss?

I sat across from you every
Monday Wednesday Friday
and I fantasized about us fighting every second of it

because the cheekbones in your face beg me to
indent them
like you are made of paper and glass

I am a matchstick house
glued together with bad intentions
lighted by your glance

and the bones in your knuckles caught me off guard every time
and how the skin stretched tightly like canvas on a frame

and all I wanted was your hand around my throat
and the other one making blood spurt from my nose

so maybe its best we never really spoke

You tried to talk to me or get me to look you in the eyes
so I kissed you too roughly to get a single syllable out

and when you gasped for air and answers I put your fingers in my mouth because you always say it turns you on more than anything else

but I just wanted to turn your brain off this time

so we fumbled in the backseat of your jeep
and watched for headlights coming up the street

and I kept my mouth busy
because honestly I lack the ability of knowing what to say

please don’t make it ******* me

Grandmother veins wrapped like seatbelts around necks
Head first through windshields
Arms reaching around their tombstones

Worms playing hide and seek in kidneys
Gutted pigs in slaughter

Faded wreaths
Fake flowers
Streetlights

Disappearing children
We are fading with each step
Dust in the wind
Dissipating

Happy birthday whispered
Baby wings on *******
India ink burned

Who do you belong to
Who gave you the key to unlock your shackles
Fly from the car

Yellow caution tape
Siren anthems
Resounding death rings

Like shards of glass in the back of your throat
waiting for that steady drip

don’t breathe in through your nose or you’ll throw up

and it could be compared to a rollercoaster
but you described it as a soft and quiet floating between trees

like the wind is blowing you through the leaves

and then you said you’ve wasted your life on this
and talk to you when you happen to fall asleep

but it’s been seven days

and you haven’t fallen into this bed yet
I made the bed that you can’t sleep in

because life is just all about horrible irony

I’m sorry you fell for me in July
I’m sorry you kissed me in August
I’m sorry I broke your heart in September

I remember we first met in a parking lot in Lynchburg
and your skin burned a warm caramel in the sun

we went to the forest and walked on the trails
and I think you almost bent me over on a little wooden bridge
but instead I pulled you between my legs and kissed you
and your perfect gleaming teeth

we ran the trails
me in my beat up purple vans
and my beat up black and blue heart

and you with your pristine tye dye shirt
and the hard abs underneath
cross lateralled over bone

and because of you my favorite flower is now a
bright and vivid sunflower

we broke into an abandoned house
and laid in the dark on the cool floor

and I took pictures of you as you played earl sweatshirt

like hey maybe one day we could live in a place like this
and just...
be

but that was all before I crushed you
with the weight of my heavy heart

and left you in a pool of blood on the floor
of that abandoned house

and seemingly never looked back

"I love you" should not be used as a choke chain
it should not bring you crawling back

You should have no Master

Anyone who says love hurts has been on a leash
I am no different
I too have marks around my neck

If you really want to hurt me do not call me
***** or sadist or selfish

If you really want to hurt me add a razors edge
when you whisper that I am
undeserving and weak

Pour salt on my pillow when you approach my sleeping form
and tell me I am not
mysterious or interesting

And I’ll pretend I was asleep the entire time
Another incident of hate put to rest with my sleepy head

And when I leave in the morning you will put the collar laced with lies around my neck

But love is about appreciation not possession
and you have never loved nor owned me

Did you really expect love from a girl who
compares herself to gasoline
But do you really want a girl who dreams of
lost things every night to love you
I eat chocolate frosting out of the jar
And I always bring a gun to a knife fight
A back alley stabbing with gold bullets
Do you really expect someone who sleeps
With her boots laced and bag packed
To be capable of love
I have mirrors in my corneas so when
I look at you
It appears that you are the only one I've ever seen

I’m fascinated by the way your faulty intestines
rest on the insides of your ribs when you lay on one side
and the way my spine tries to rip its way out of my back

I want to know why my shoulder blades feel as if
one day they will become wings
and allow me to fly away

I’ve wanted to be somewhere else for a long while now
my feet don’t really seem to fully hit the ground anymore
I am a vortex gaining speed

and they say getting hit by lightning twice is so highly improbable
but what happens when I am struck by lightning every night

what does it mean when I wake up covered in blood
and desperate for something unnamed
something that hides out in my dreams

and all I’ve ever wanted was a few answers

like if there is a god why does he allow hell on earth
because I’ve been burning at the stake ever since I turned 7

and this charred flesh of mine feels like acid
and tastes like asphalt

this little body does not feel like home

there's a buzzing in this spine
and a nervous rattling in this skull

So bide your time and be glad you’re not me

sometimes I wake up at 4 am
desperately stumbling out of bed
and knocking over the wine next to me

and squinting my eyes in the light fumbling
for a pen and paper

because I’ve got these words in me
that haunt me in my dreams

like hands reaching up through ancient graves

you are the crypt keeper
you feel like dust
and taste like paper

my life feels like a mausoleum

and if you are questioning how one’s life could be compared to such a thing it’s like I said-
be glad you aren’t me

How To Leave Someone Without Breaking Their Heart

How To Tell Him “I Love You” Without Using Poetry

How To Not Compare Yourself To Broken Glass

How To Not Make Life Another One Of Your Similes

How To Wake Up And Be Okay

How To Deal With Someone Saying You Are Too Much To Handle

How To Let The Light In

How To Tell Your Parents About The Last Six Years

How To Not Want To Jump Off Of A Roof

Life is tricky to me
I like to call it science
and I am ready to believe in anything that might be able to give me sustenance like star signs or mythical monsters or

You

When I went to sign up for college I sat in my car for an hour
with the windows up and no air conditioning in the middle of august because I wanted to punish myself for my weakness called anxiety

im really very good at punishment

just ask all the friends I've lost
because I tried and succeeded at ruining them
and then couldn’t hide my smile in the inevitable confrontation
that followed

I told my counselor I would have rather done time than do
community service and she couldn’t hide her shock
and I asked her what did she really want from me

what does she really know about me besides what I let her know

I know that her middle name is Carol and shes 37
and has a little boy because she always drinks out of a cup that says mom and shes always twisting her wedding ring
and she likes black heels and she never gets her toes done
but she does her nails every week at the place two blocks down

I know because ive staked her out
and at Kroger she heads straight to the vegatables and she never eats meat

and she will never know whats really bothering me

The problem with loving an artist is it appears beautiful
You get endless sketches of your hands and eyes
On coffee shop receipts
You get scribbles about the endless abyss of your love
Written in the margins of her class lectures
You will receive long tight embraces and soft kisses that
sometimes feel as if she is trying to swallow your scent
And that's all okay for a while

The problem with loving an artist is it gets ugly
she'll smoke too many cigarettes at 4 pm on the back porch while
She mumbles to the sunset about another day gone
You'll find her in bed at 8 am with pages of sad ramblings
Clutched in hand even in sleep
She will skip meals so she can revise the same four words
Until they are the same as originally written
She will ask you to listen to a different song every day because it
"reminds her of you"

Eventually you will find her with paint and blood
Curling into the drain
But she will shut the door on you
And when you question her about the razors you found in her nightstand
She will take them from you and say
"This is how I make my art"

And for the first time
You will read the poetry on her wrists
And you will be unable to say what she needs to hear because
You are not a poet
You do not know how to make words into love
You do not even know if you want to stay when she calls you

"Muse"

You were wearing my favorite black leather jacket
And the minute I saw you walk out of the hospital doors
Something in your face made me shift in my seat a little
Like two stones grinding against light pressure
I took your frame in mine and could tell you had been crying

I'd never felt such raw emotion when you kissed me
You tasted faintly of salt
Like tears had freely curled in the edges of your lips

When you sat in my car and held my hand while you spoke
I had never heard such raw emotion
You told me that the recesses of your mind
played out death
Every time

It was then that I almost understood how crippling your
Disease is to you
I can't feel your pain but I can see it on your face

I think if I could ever truly love someone
it'd be you

I was born again the first day I ever laid eyes on you
Right there in the doorway

You in your little blue dress and white diamond smile
and me a little sad and scared and looking for something in your curves

I had been warned about you
I had been told you were
a snake
a plastic *****
a lunatic
a ****
and you were all of those things

but I worshipped you
as did everyone else
we kissed your golden feet

I listened to you like Eve in the garden of Eden
and I took a bite of that apple
and nothing has ever been the same since

for that short time I think I found a little bit of heaven in hell
and it was always bliss in your arms

and how you scraped your lips against my teeth in the dead of night

and dear lord who art in heaven hallow be thy name
I have prayed for you

I have prayed and I have called out your name

I met you on your eighteenth birthday
and they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
and you are my roots reaching down into the green earth

you are the queen of all queens
you are made of divine intervention
you made me bleed

I feel more comfortable in this vessel of mine than I ever have before
and I suppose I have you to thank for that

because now I can walk without seeming like a question mark
and trying to blend into the wall

I can walk without looking down like an apology
so this is me saying thank you

but now I realize that I don’t need you nor do I want you

and I am happy with the sense of freedom that comes with that

you weren’t special until I made you so
and I didn’t realize my worth until we were walking away from each other

and once, back when you were good
and I still believed in you

we climbed the roof of a school and took pictures
and I didn't want to jump off  

and I scraped my leg before we started doing graffiti

and we heard the sirens from two miles away
so we dropped the spray paint and ran

and I guess they were warning us in more ways than one

Hurry now
"Something wicked this way comes"

I like how you don’t tell me why you go to court
like I can't know your secret

Like there's something in you that you don’t want me to find
a part of you that I don’t want to meet

I told you I was evil over the phone and you laughed and I didn’t
and then you paused and got real quiet and said

“Me too”

I was born in blood
and I have a tendency to like the darker things in life

I ate my twin in the womb
and I broke free into life with that victory

and ever since I have felt like a caged animal
all gleaming teeth
all bite
all bone

I am partial to the boys who have a side sweeping gaze that seems to say
“I could shoot you if I really cared enough to”
because there’s a little bit of danger in us all
and sometimes I just like the obvious

my heart isn’t on my sleeve
my heart is a long black drip
a charred line

my heart is an empty fireplace waiting to incinerate
whoever thinks the flames won’t really burn

I was born in high relief
and have spent my life keeping others from whittling me down

I am not a sculpture
I am not yours to mold

and here’s this boy putting the barrel of his loaded gun in my mouth

and here’s me saying take a walk on the wild side
wondering if my eyes can convey how badly I want him to

pull the trigger

You never once asked me to save you
I guess I just took that upon myself
The first time I put my fingertips under your shirt you trembled
There were bandages and scars underneath

Things you’ve never let anyone else see
Things you were scared to show me

All I saw was milky white beauty
Muscles and bone
Strength of the more memorable kind

No, you never asked me to save you
I don’t regret trying
But during all of the 2 am phone calls
I spoke with my face buried in my pillow

I told you my secrets one night
Not all of them
But enough to make you run away into the sunrise
They’ve been caught in my teeth ever since
I threw them up and didn’t wash my mouth out
I don’t feel ***** when I really talk to you
You didn’t wash your hands after you touched me
He always did

You whispered my name
Moved my hair around in your hands
Said my name aloud while your toes curled
Knees on hardwood floors
I never felt it
Too preoccupied with pleasing you
Nothing more beautiful than your half closed eyes;
The way your lips part to let out a low sigh

Counting the days with you like stars in the sky
I hope they are limitless and shining
I hope our love will be a galaxy

You stood in front of me
Naked in soul and body
I kissed the freckles on your chest and lower
I kissed the scars on your stomach where they cut you open
Where they pulled parts of you out when you got sick
You may not be whole
But I plan on making you feel as if you are missing nothing

You say you are ashamed of the marks
9 years of pain
The blood transfusions
The multitude of pills waiting on the counter
9 years and 2 months of pain
Months in the hospital
IV’s in your arms dripping what you couldn’t make
And all that lost weight
You still aren’t fixed
I tell you that you are perfection
I will love you through everything

With my face twisting I tell you about my pain
The scars curling like ivy on my forearms
Wrist to elbow
Elbow to shoulder to thigh to calf
The days I spent crying instead of living
And how the hospital makes you want to die
About all the pounds I shed into thin air by not eating
We both dehydrated when we lost 40 pounds
We’ve both been so close to death we tasted it
Felt cold fingers wipe the sweat from our brows

I ask myself how I ever breathed without you
Without the help of your lungs
Please don’t pull the plug

We had *** the first time we met in person
I bit your bottom lip so hard it was still raw a week later
I told you I was sorry
You said you felt no pain
It only showed how I thoroughly enjoyed you
That was the first time I felt that I was making love

I want to ride my skateboard down the contours of your legs
Make your body a half pipe
A park only for me

You lit my cigarette when we stood in the snow
“pretty girls never light their own”

I love the way your eyes look when you are trying to be worth something
When you are excited;
Happy
When you are looking into my eyes while you are inside of me

You opened my car door for me
You watched me leave as the snow fell harder
And then you stopped me and pulled me out of my seat

Kissed me hard because I had to go

Kissed me hard in the snow

It felt like a summer night in July and all I wanted was you
Snow turned into fireworks in a field at night
Fireflies dancing

You go to church sometimes on Sundays
A lot of times you sleep instead of going with your father
I still don’t think I'm getting into heaven
I used to drink blood and eat flesh too
Never felt any better after kneeling in that red velvet pew
I would stare at the sunlight coming through the stained glass
And think about ******* Jesus
I’ve heard a lot of voices but I’ve never been haunted by the Holy Ghost

There are freckles on our back
Mine from 3rd degree sunburn two summers ago
I told you they were beautiful
I still don’t know if you believe me

The first time we talked on the phone
You told me you loved someone who didn’t make you happy
All I wanted was to be yours
You told me beauty radiates inside of me
Beyond that of the moon and stars

I don’t believe in heaven or hell
But I think there is something magical waiting for you

Oh yes im so concerned about what poison this cigarette will bring me when just two hours ago I dropped my speakers into the water
in hopes of electrocuting myself

but instead I just drowned 200 dollars
I always try to break as many rules as possible while driving
because I have this fantasy about a cop ******* me

or maybe just because I like the idea of getting away with things
I'm not nearly as complicated as you'd like me to be

and I'm sitting in 14 inches of ****** water from my slit wrists
so ask me why I'm laughing about this
like I'm finding the shine of the razor funny

I don’t ******* owe you anything

and I haven’t eaten in two days
I wonder how long ill keep this up this time
last time I nearly died

so ask me why that was the happiest time of my life
when I fainted daily and lost 40 pounds in 3 months

Don’t tell me its impossible or that I look healthy
because I make you have slit wrists as well

I have 4 butterfly knives and im okay with using them
just ask all the things ive buried in the woods behind my house
just ask me how I feel after kissing these poison frogs

and life is no longer a ******* simile

I haven’t left the house in a week
and I take three baths a day to keep me from feeling *****

so please tell me what that says about me

and you thought being a starving artist sounded romantic

In fall I met a boy who had blue eyes and dark hair
and he towered over me thin and strong

and he had wheels for feet but wasn’t a rolling stone
no, that was always me

he told me he loved me with the lights on

and we became helplessly entangled in each other’s limbs
like we were turning into the jungle itself
until it got colder and we were ripped apart
-
in winter I met a girl who knocked the wind out of me
and my lungs have never quite been the same

she would read me poetry as we laid in her silk sheets naked
drinking coffee and she would light my cigarettes

and she taught me how to jump in head first
and how to be charm boys
and how to love *****
and more importantly,
her
-
in spring everything so tightly wound began to come undone
and love became more complicated

and in the end I had to choose whom I loved more
and even now I still question the faulty loyalties I had

and I catch myself driving by both of their houses
feeling unable to control my lungs
or my razor sharp memories
-
in summer the boy with the blue eyes who was my moon
started loving a little girl and we haven’t talked since

and while I waned he waxed
and I hope to never see him again

and the girl who was my rising and setting sun
kissed me for the last time in a smoke filled room

and I lent her my shoes and shirt
and I still think about her every day
-
It's been over a year
and I am still unable to allow these two people out of my head

like a guilty conscience that will never let you rest
and all I can think is

imissyouimissyouimissyou

like it is engraved in my heartbeat

My mother used to believe in things like
fairies and
angels and
good spirits and
me

and she uses every available context to remind me of just that

and the whole world is making a huge deal about how
Pope Francis dropped the “F-bomb”
like it least it wasn’t an A-bomb
dropped in a country we can’t pronounce

or maybe even our own
because who would alert the media then
if we were all dead

I’m feeling a bit cynical tonight
and maybe it’s the result of reading too much
Poe and Shakespeare for homework

and if I’m honest I’ve really never felt much in the way of
inspiration from either of them
after being forced down my throat since the third grade

and we had a small play once
and ever since then I’ve thought of you as Romeo
and I’ve always felt a bit more connected to Edgar’s “Annabel Lee”
in that ****** sepulcher by the ever moving and sounding sea

I just wish I had someone pining over me

You once told me I was hypnotic
and a few days after that I had a vision
that included us killing each other

and you shot me dead
before I could even pull out my knife
and I think that’s a pretty **** accurate representation

I always said that to shoot someone is pretty non personal
and this is nothing but

so I started to carve little rotten raspberry slits in your skin
and the juice ran out in tiny rivulets on flayed open bone
because that’s true

you flayed me open with
the razor in your tongue and
the cold steel of your shoulder and
you broke my bones with the hammer in your eyes

so I guess I just feel like I deserve more than a
bullet to my chest

I don’t think I was the one who deserved to die

it is 4:56 am and you went to sleep
two and a half hours ago
but I'm sitting here going through all of your pictures
reading comments left from girls who are
so much prettier than me

it's hard telling yourself "do not get attached"
when all I want to do is sew myself to you
weave my veins with yours until they
take root and start to bloom in your bloodstream

a lot of the time I want to poison you
make us an even more twisted modern tale
of Romeo and Juliet

you say all of the right things but it is never enough
I want to burn the love letters on top of your funeral pyre

a lot of the time I dream of killing you

I got my first tattoo when I was 15
and the feeling exhilarated me
and to this day the buzzing of the gun excites me

and even to this day the sound of your voice creates something inside of me

and last summer I had 4 people in my car that I later totaled

and we were smoking **** in the park
because we bought three blunts at $5 each

because we went down to southeast
and copped them from the black boys playing basketball in the street

and that was back when I still got paranoid about things

like smoke coming out of the car windows at night
and things like my mother knowing the redness in my eyes
wasn’t from my contacts

What do you do when
you fall in love with a boy who has a constellation on his chest

how do you leave someone
that is literally so made of stars it shines out on his skin

when his freckles make the big dipper
like he was kissed by the universe
and now he’s kissed by me

and I hope i can rub some of that star shine out on me
I need some of the light

and space dust that hides out in the marrow of his bones
and the gaps in his rib cage

I love him so much it makes me blink to look at him
like staring at the sun

and I got a tattoo of a blue full moon on my shoulder back in august
in hopes I could create something magic and rare
on something so ordinary and I’m still waiting for that to kick in

I told him he was made of stars
and he told me I was heaven sent

Here we are in the tunnel of a yellow slide at the park
with clumps of smoke falling from your mouth like mud
but I shouldn’t be surprised at that

we sat on your porch
and the veins in your arms were just asking to strangle me
and if I’m honest with myself I would have let them
because I couldn’t imagine a better way to end myself

and after work one day I went to the maze near your house

and it was raining warmth out of the dark sky

and I pulled the petals off of all the roses
and threw them in the air and let them rain down on me
because I needed to feel beautiful and dramatic for just a minute
after such a long day

and you watched from your car

because I was just a stupid silly girl that you didn’t want to get caught up in

I don't let my emotions out
not to anyone I've ever met

and most would describe me as cold and uncaring

My counselor let slip she thinks I could be a killer
Personally, I think she wishes I would
so she can write a book or something
Ah, the world of psychiatry

Sometimes my anger slips out like a tunnel of rage
and I let go on anyone who stands in my way

that’s why I stopped carrying a knife
and why I stopped thinking about dead things
and the way those animals felt in my hands while
taking their dying breaths

and the way their eyes looked
Like something I've seen in the shadows of my bedroom at night

like something I see in my smile and the sharp corner of my left canine when I cut my tongue on it last May

you could say im crazy but I'd probably just laugh
and then continue sharpening my razors

and my mother found my pistol in the living room air vent
and I almost shot her then

But here I am just writing this poem
and do you ever wonder what I really am

everyday I wear all black
and red lipstick really compliments how pale I am

I change my hair color constantly in hopes no one can ever really know me

and I never use my real name when meeting someone
I have 6 aliases and I use them all

and last year I deleted my Facebook
and now I have a twitter by the name of Wednesday Hayward

and two weeks ago I snuck into your house and left no DNA
and I wonder what you'd say if anyone knew my real name

You are cold tile in summer
I am bare feet

The sun rises and dies for you daily
The moon watches you sleep
Watches dreams from deep underneath eyelids

Irises like cliff diving
If you look down you cannot breathe
I wish to be the air caught in your lungs

Skin beneath my fingertips
Softly yielding
We are the last two on earth
I would choose no one else to be lonely with

I am drawn to you like a moth to flame

Desire like a trick candle on a birthday cake-
There is no burning it out

Smoke curled from your mouth like ribbons
I wished to be your cigarette
If only for the chance to be close to your lips again

I want to breathe you in
Have you lingering on my tongue like melting candy

When I was little I thought happiness was a magic potion
Now I know happiness is a feeling
Caught in the gaps of my ribcage
Only to be discovered with the x-rays that are in your touch

I am in deep blue water
Feather light
Using thoughts of you to keep me afloat

There are flowers sprouting from my heart
Your touch holds my bones together
You are a skeleton made of stardust
There is magic in your breathing
I find myself longing to inhale it

Im about as subtle as a gunshot wound on a Thursday afternoon
and everyday when I wake I forget how to use my feet because
you were the bones in them and now you are missing

one day will I be able to say your name without sounding like
***** in a wastebasket in an office

without sounding like a dead deer carcass in a stream

last spring you took me to the park
and we walked the trails and layed in the pine needles
like nesting phoenix and I think you burned me on purpose
well I have yet to rise from those ashes

all I ever did was ******* love you

remember when your parents went out of town
and I spent the night in your bed and when I woke up at 11 am

I saw the sunlight streaming through onto your face and oh my god
you were just so beautiful

remember when we got drunk and spent the night
in your backseat after you threw up 3 times in the street

do you remember
do you even remember me

I think of you at least 7 times a day
and I always thought you were all I ever needed
but here I am now

learning how not to need you