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Wednesday Mar 2014
Why am I the happiest with
your hands around my neck

You have sharp teeth
and you leave indentions in my skin

I want to let you know that its okay
to want to crawl out of your skin

You awake with cracked bones
I chipped my jaw on your frozen over shoulder

I saw you digging in the backyard
Another hole to hide your growing secrets

I wonder when you will stop watering words
And start digging them up by the roots
Wednesday Mar 2014
You told me the first time you ever met me
you knew you had to have me
I wonder when you realized I wasn’t some limited edition video game
that you could turn on and then leave for later

I guess never because all you ever did was play me

I fell in love with the sound of your name on my tongue
like a shiny copper penny dropping on hardwood floor

a l e x
al-EX-and-eR
ALEX

I fell in love with your 6’2 frame and the way
I could have sipped wine from your collarbones if I had desired to

Your favorite drink was strawberry *****
and I have to admit after drinking a whole bottle
in the shower with you one night
I’m a little partial to it now too

We started dating October 12, 2012
and our clothes fell off eight days later in your waterbed,
three days short of my sixteenth birthday

and that was the same day I met your mother
who hugged me and told me how beautiful I was

I wonder how long you wanted to return me
to get at least half of a refund

I’m not really sorry you never got your money and time back
You were never a game to me
I never pressed pause on you
Wednesday Mar 2014
When a boy tells you that you are the only one and
It feels like the inside of a morgue to kiss him
Do not ignore the taste of dust and formaldehyde

Do you want to catch a movie
he asks in a voice like chocolate milk
Or maybe you'll catch chicken pox instead

You don’t really see the difference anymore
Either way you get these marks along your skin
that burst and glow like tiny fireworks

When a boy who carries a knife in his back pocket
and who has no scars on his fingers
tells you there is something special in you

do not believe him
do not stop and ask why
do not look back

He will not be able to tell you anything besides
how beautiful you are
He will not mention the depth in your mind

He will not sigh at the light casting shadows on the planes of your face
He will not talk about the slight curve of your spine
or the curl of your toes

When a boy who seems like paradise threatens to sweep you off your feet
chain yourself down do not be caught in a whirlwind
you were made for more than *this
Wednesday Mar 2014
I went to my last counseling appointment today
and when i stood up to leave
I felt as if I should shake her hand

but instead I walked out that door on tentative fawn legs
I stepped into the cold
and I felt like a stranger to myself

I bought coffee and a pack of cigarettes
and stood by the same ledge I always do
but it didn’t feel the same

I have her card in my front pocket for emergencies only
I feel as if I just stepped into harsh burning sunlight
I feel like there is winter air trapped in my lungs

I've come to the conclusion that
there’s nothing really wrong with me
but there’s nothing all that right either
Wednesday Mar 2014
1.You introduced me to your father as a “friend”
so I guess I should have
known from the start we were already reaching our end

2. You said you would pay me for *** after I didn’t respond to your calls
for 3 months but you couldn’t pay me
to be under you again

3. You once cut me with a steak knife on my leg
and put your mouth to the wound
until your lips ran red with my blood

4. You made me breakfast once
and served it with a shot of whiskey
I think you did it just to make sure I’d touch your **** again

5. You ****** me in your bed one morning
before driving me to school and giving me a cigarette
I don’t regret never calling you again

6. You made me feel like a live wire buzzing for a street lamp
You made me want to snort you like *******
I wish you hadn’t died I wish I could see you again

7. You made a mountain out of me
and I can never tell you just how happy I am
that I managed to wash you out to sea

8. You forced my head into your lap on a school trip
in a bus when I was 14
and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that

9. You made me *** in the library in front of the window
when I was a freshman and afterwards
you put your fingers in your mouth

10. You kissed me in the clover on the bank of a pond
and we put our feet into the water
I think we really could have been something good if we wanted to be
Wednesday Mar 2014
I sat across from you every
Monday Wednesday Friday
and I fantasized about us fighting every second of it

because the cheekbones in your face beg me to
indent them
like you are made of paper and glass

I am a matchstick house
glued together with bad intentions
lighted by your glance

and the bones in your knuckles caught me off guard every time
and how the skin stretched tightly like canvas on a frame

and all I wanted was your hand around my throat
and the other one making blood spurt from my nose

so maybe its best we never really spoke
Wednesday Mar 2014
I’m sorry I am all claws and
teeth and
sharp corners

I’m sorry for flaying your stomach open from the inside out
I’m sorry I am secretive and
quick tongued and
careless

I’m sorry I flinch
I’m sorry I run
I’m sorry I hide in plain sight

I’m sorry we ran out of band aids
I’m sorry you had to stitch yourself instead of save me

sorry I’m used and
vile and
dark

I’m sorry I wrote those horrible poems
I’m sorry I feel like a wet blanket
I’m sorry I snuffed your flame out

and never bothered to try and light it again

I’m sorry I’m the one you have to blame everything on

I'm sorry I make you cry in the dead of night

I'm sorry you can't sleep anymore

I'm sorry I can
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