I get sad too quickly and I wish I could change that
I get angry and I jump to conclusions like a summer time diving board

Its 4:30 pm and you still haven’t spoken to me
but I saw a conversation that you had 2 hours ago with your ex girlfriend and I never thought I would hate someone
who lives in a different country so much

she's never even kissed you so why does it matter to me
I like to lie to myself
and convince my brain I have more than enough confidence
and I think I might have tricked my eyes but the mind just isn’t as easy

I hate you (don’t leave me)

I've never tried this hard with anyone
and I think that's because I am more desperate
than even I would care to know

I think this (us) could really be the end

you know like we could be together forever

after I **** any other girl you’ve ever spoken to or passed on the street

yeah I think we are really meant to be

You tried to talk to me or get me to look you in the eyes
so I kissed you too roughly to get a single syllable out

and when you gasped for air and answers I put your fingers in my mouth because you always say it turns you on more than anything else

but I just wanted to turn your brain off this time

so we fumbled in the backseat of your jeep
and watched for headlights coming up the street

and I kept my mouth busy
because honestly I lack the ability of knowing what to say

please don’t make it ******* me

My mother once threatened me by saying she would cut off all of my hair like I guess she knows what my weakness is
and I think I’m like that biblical story about Sampson
All the strength is gone if I lose my hair

I wish I could tell her all the reasons I ever lied
but I can’t anymore so to my sisters: may the bridges I burn light the way

in 8 months I’ll be officially gone so just keep that as a little reminder
to be good you don’t ever want to end up like me

I spend my days with my head in my hands

and ever since I was little I’ve known I would die at 27
and I tell everyone I get close to
and they always look at me like I’m standing on
the edge of a building when I whisper this and maybe I am

and there’s a white lighter in my pocket for my autopsy
just like Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix

but maybe all I really want is someone to save me before I happen to fall

I feel like I've been in air tumbling to pavement for years
and somewhere in this time I've caught fire

So now I wonder if I'll burn out or break all my bones first
And if I'm being honest it doesn't really matter to me anymore

Its funny that you should mention me ******* your blood tonight
its funny you should say you would cut your forearms open for me
if it wasn’t going to leave scars

like I didn’t know drinking blood and razors were about sexuality

its funny you should mention any of it
because tonight was the first night since the beginning of October
that ive cut myself open just to watch my carcass BLEED

so I wonder what you'll say when you see me in two days
and you find that ive created slits in my skin
that go from shoulder to wrist on both arms

will you ask me to cut one more just so you can put your mouth to it
AND QUENCH YOUR THIRST

I have guts- they're just defective
The graffiti in the bathroom stall makes no sense
I think I wrote it when I was drunk on ***** 2 weeks ago

I broke my favorite ring on purpose yesterday
I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've been sober for too long and now I'm paying for that

I skipped a party so I could sleep
Or talk on the phone with my boyfriend
I kissed him on Tuesday
But I'm still not sure what he looks like
can't commit his profile to memory

He seems more like a ghost than I do
Are we lovers fading from view
Is this when we start walking through walls

I ran into someone today on purpose
To make sure I didn't pass through them
To make sure I wasn't invisible

Sometimes I feel like a seagull in a parking lot

I haven't had candy for weeks
I deprive myself food so I feel like I have space to speak

My heart is a silent buzzing
Hand to chest there is no beat
Blood pressure nonexistent
Nurse tried 4 times to get a reading

Can only take blood from one arm
Veins too tangled around knotted scar tissue

Two summers ago I deflated my body like a popped beach ball
They patched the hole and filled me
I have yet to learn my lesson

When I turned 13 I convinced myself I hated everyone

Dogs are scared of me like a fish to a shark
Maybe they can smell cold blood pumping
Can tell there is something off about me

I have eyes like power lasers

I know why people don't talk to me
Look but don't speak
Don't touch without permission

I have ruined 37 lives like a curse

I am a contagious disease
You brought me on yourself

I feel like frostbite and sandpaper

I will not fix you
I will flay you open

I am contagious
But you already knew that

Saw it in my bones the first time you ever met me

I like how you don’t tell me why you go to court
like I can't know your secret

Like there's something in you that you don’t want me to find
a part of you that I don’t want to meet

I told you I was evil over the phone and you laughed and I didn’t
and then you paused and got real quiet and said

“Me too”

Oh yes im so concerned about what poison this cigarette will bring me when just two hours ago I dropped my speakers into the water
in hopes of electrocuting myself

but instead I just drowned 200 dollars
I always try to break as many rules as possible while driving
because I have this fantasy about a cop ******* me

or maybe just because I like the idea of getting away with things
I'm not nearly as complicated as you'd like me to be

and I'm sitting in 14 inches of ****** water from my slit wrists
so ask me why I'm laughing about this
like I'm finding the shine of the razor funny

I don’t ******* owe you anything

and I haven’t eaten in two days
I wonder how long ill keep this up this time
last time I nearly died

so ask me why that was the happiest time of my life
when I fainted daily and lost 40 pounds in 3 months

Don’t tell me its impossible or that I look healthy
because I make you have slit wrists as well

I have 4 butterfly knives and im okay with using them
just ask all the things ive buried in the woods behind my house
just ask me how I feel after kissing these poison frogs

and life is no longer a ******* simile

I haven’t left the house in a week
and I take three baths a day to keep me from feeling *****

so please tell me what that says about me

and you thought being a starving artist sounded romantic