try me
fly me
ride me
guide me
please exist inside me

who are You
where are You
when are You
what did i do
to unreal You

i can remember the exact smell of the moon on the moment we met when all the midnight's might was unable to claim the clouds becuz they were ringing Luna in a silent cresendo of impossibly minutely perceptible dance moves and She was illuminating them, infusing them, imbuing them with Her essence and i swear to this day it was You orchestrating it, the conductor of my waking dream looking completely deeply within me and screaming a whisper which claimed my heartbeat as Our own, doing so by placing Yours inside my chest to mingle tingle melt meld as my mind knew exactly what was going on despite its stunned disbelief and it was singing its own silent crescendo of JOY

who are You
where are You
when are You
what did i do
to unreal You

maybe it actually was a dream
perhaps zero times upon a time
was i fully complete
suppose it's possible noe times upon a time
was i truly happy

what do You hear at 12:34am
when the only sounds are Your thoughts
what do You see inside your eyelids at 3:45am
when You're only looking at Yourself
what do You sense at almost-dawn-AM
when even the wind waits to hear the sun appear

maybe it's me
perhaps You remember me
perchance You feel me
remembering You

maybe we weren't meant to adventure together forever
perhaps i was supposed to be wrong again
be broken again
perchance this was meant for clint
pennance paid at the toll booth
taxes overdue at the soul booth

when sadness
becomes sadderness
trying climbing up the drain
i seem semi sane
tho stupefied from the pain

what's that moon?
you're producing another swoon?
performing perfuming another miracle in June?
mayhap i'll be deaf to your tune

but yet I sense something a moment out of reach as if a wave is almost washing my beach, a hint of the scent of a caress a request an urging an inspiration a personality a mind searching for mine to teach and learn and share and stare to explore and relax and laugh easily even when we were struggling against the tide

maybe i was just remembering something
which never happened
or perhaps just hasn't happened yet

try me
fly me
ride me
guide me
please exist inside me

Donna's Gone, I'm So Sorry Kelly, My Brother    6-26-20


Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
  except the son who still shines on
and her spirit is still here
  you'll feel it more each dawning year

ain't no sunshine when she's gone
  i noe, i noe,
but alongside the pain,
  walking hand in hand forevermore,
    all her blessings shall remain

sometimes Angels only stay so long
  and tho their passing shrieks of the universe gone wrong
    You shall always hear/feel their song,
      and realize they believed that You are strong

ain't no sunshine when she's gone
  yet somehow you shall go on
and then someday you'll lift your gaze up on high
  to see sunlight shine on her wings in a suddenly glorious sky

GLOBAL WARMING?
IDK
BUT 2018 IS A KAT SUMMER


Unce tice, fee tines a mady
****, sorry,
eddie murphy buh-weet flashback....

Once or twice upon a time
  or perhaps
     just maybe
        almost what must be forever

there was a woman
she was WOW
she was WOAH, MAN
  she was MEOW

Sometimes She Believed It
  She'd Strut when it Fit
But could be there's Artist's Block
  and the Goddess don't Rock

Pain HURTS
  Betrayal be the WORST
Try to Fly unto Forever
  with a son-****-father

the ******* height
  ain't gonna be every single night
lead guitar **** star
  don't always play on Wednesday

but the current underneath
  the love lust deep deep within
is supposed to be decades in its belief
  i've seen old people kiss remembering sin

Eyes Afire for each other
  Their Love Still Alive
holding hands hotter
  than any hard fast drive

If you're not in,
  then into the kiln
plate your ***
  this ****** too shall pass

I remember when she was Queen of Beads
  a bracelet had me hummin
    an anklet I wanna be drummin
      a necklace almost satisfied my need...

I had recently learned to be Grateful
  but basically just to expand my Party
    and where I hoped it might take me

KMM was the reason I let the Dead into ME
  a Dead song heard thru her eyes
    was being caught Without A Net
      seeing thru the Eyes Of The World

You see Your Rose
  I saw Mine
You say you Noes
  I say She Fine

did I mention forever ACTUALLY MEANS forever
  and you have every right and reason to be bitter
if you say you gonna stay whatever the weather
  be a man
    if you possibly can
if not
  at least let her know
    uh yeah thanx buh-bye whatever

people think they know what up
  their truth be THE truth
pain be personal is what up
  that truth is THE truth

you'll Noe when you're fully healthy again
  when mind heart soul friends
say uh yeah it wasn't me
  so ******* **** I'm free

there was a Kathryn I met
  only Kathryn I've known as yet
20-ish years later we re-met
  and this won't rhyme with “et”
but I have now Loved FB 3 Times,
  Aly, Eric, Kat, and, um, rhymes

Kathryn Marie Maletich....not the 1st WOAHman I Loved, but the most WOAH I'd met as yet....She arrived at my house with my Sean telling me dude you'll dig her...pool table, beer, prob some misc, a late night in my suddenly electric backyard under the stars sitting talking about whatever and everything and what she could do with the insides of the washing machine which were currently occupying the back side wall of my parents' house, a Bday party with band at her house she invited me to and took flash pic in my face as she laughed and invited me to her garage room to hang out (nitrous, thy name is “Clint, you're in Kat's room, solo, laughing sharing phasing in and out of consciousness with bliss and I think I helped her Happy and I want to stay here!)  2 days later Sean asked me for you if I Liked you...oooohhhhhh Lady....me was broken boy, shy, no experience, ******, young but already shattered so many times, how could I possibly satisfy someone as Amazing as you. I said yeah as a friend cuz I had no idea how to just tell you WOW, your lips rule my dreams, can I share those dreams with you....Nope, said yeah as a friend and I was forever locked in that zone. Being Kat's Friend is not necessarily a bad thing. You and I shared so much, and I always felt like I knew more about you than the men you ******. We were REALLY close, and I was conflicted, cuz there was this dichotomy where you were both the replacement for the soul sister who hung herself out of my life just when I needed her more than ever and the 1st Love who chose the other she wanted less but was safer and her family approved of because he wasn't me. Kat, those yrs you knew me were really hard for me. I was NEVER not in pain, my ******* genius boy mind only not flinging images memories entire scenes actual physical sensations at me when I got wasted enough that I could scream them down. School was great when you can remember every bit of info automatically, but when my mind became my sister Carla's needles and Kristy's “your eyes are alive, your kiss is better, I want you more, but we can't go together where you're headed” I kinda went away..still above 4.22 grade-wise, little genius boy blah blah blah, but I was lost. I became a poet to survive it, but then you arrived. I was just kinda accepting 1st love was dead cuz I was a worthless druggie following my dead Sis as Kristy was excelling towards the Teacher we both wanted to be. I did all those drugs with Sean (however many hundreds of hits...a dozen in one night alone, ****.... of LSD I don't even Noe) and quarters of speed in one snort and then moving to smoking ounce after ounce of it. By the time we bid each other adieu I was finally ready to find out if I was going to just die or live on as at least semblance of the beautiful boy I once was. Cleaned myself up, returned to college, eventually got my degree from my San Jose State...you had lunch with a bona fide Bachelor of Science in Marine Biology with a Minor in Chemistry lol. Married twice...divorced, widowed. Worked corporate sales and then drug abuse treatment research (that actually felt really good) and some other blah yada then landed at Vons where I've been higher up than now but actually almost like where I'm at, lol, and the pay and benefits are good enough I can't leave, also lol.......of course I thought about you many times and other times and more (heck, you're part of one of my tats...not in a way you'd like, sorry), but I always figured you were gonna keep being great and Loving Life. Heard you and D made it official and thought it would work pretty fine. Blows my mind someone held you and let go. People are whack. L.M.M.H. (lolololol), I am REALLY glad you found my facebook with paul...Noe idea how much of each others' lives we'll be a part of, how often I'll actually hear you say Hello My Little Friend (don't get me started on that one heeheehee), but stoked is the word for Kat in my life....truly never thought I would look in your eyes again..it was wonderful to do so, Thanks be to You Milady....


some part of me will always be in that garage
  only place those days I almost believed I wasn't garbage
I just tried to survive the moments until the when
  Kat would arrive and re-invite me in again

not that boy anymore
  but you're still Kat for sure
I hope You Noe That
  You Are Still Where It's At

gonna preach
  gonna teach
    bout the things I see
      bout the things I Noe to BE

acoustic strings vibrating in tune with the moon
  kiss your **** like a lyricist linguist lover in june
however whenever you discover the start
  the drum beat can still hit your heart

please take me to your local dive bar
  I'll laugh with you my Diva Star
play darts with me
  and I'll IPA thee
bullseye wins the puddin pie

your art is still your life
  and your inner eye hath grown
so the universe is all right
  and I'm lucky to have known

about out of words for now
  HEY, I can hear that laughter from here
it does happen
  every now and again
     (for a millisecond or three)
so I'll bid thee adieu for now
  
it was the best of times
it was the blurst of times
******, stupid monkeys...I'm out

just so you Noe

all i can see is her face
or the feeeling as i first saw it
i hope my heart stopping is merely a pause
please let her smile at me santa claus

people don't glow
they just don't ya noe
**** She has a body-deep halo
and each and every itty bitty bit of me was spurred inspired to grow
physical emotional psychological
LOVE doesn't allow you choices
IT grabs you ears heart mind body with ALL voices

i was siting there on the lawn, most of my mind long gone, wrapped inside itself and the beatings this brain had been subjected to, from without and withn, when the blood pounding, seeping, easing it's all too casual way out of the peripherals of my eyes, had given up on berating itself and foucsed upon convincing the heart about this whole continue beating thing

i was sitting there upon the lawn, but she was already long gone, less than worthless, screaming inside myself, lick my own eye blood from my fingertips, feel the nevermore caress of her lips, the i can't understand this flip-side land, let me out NOW before i go beyond sideways somehow

how is this possible
i'm already intimate with almost all the probable
and exchanged so much exquisite with the improbable
please let this be possible

i didn't even Noe yet who Dali was
but his melting ice cream is now my world
milady, i must not name you just becuz
my heart may burst from where it is hurled

maybe it's just another day
but mr elfman didn't come to play
and it turns out i'm free
she wasn't singing for me

except all i can see is her face
or the feeeling as i first saw it
i hope my heart stopping is merely a pause
please let her smile at me santa claus

8:56 PM

Seein' faces which no longer exist,
an eerie army of them,
how have I known such death
and yet still draw breath
mayhap a few were my fault,
forever haunted shall I be
especially as none of them deserved it
and i'm still livin laughin dancing free
it's kinda hurtin in here
tho it's basically just whinin
btw, where's my ******* beer
or at least a bottle or three of whine
my mind only sits still if forced to
and that requires more than you
will ever Noe how to do
it's dancin dangerous circle cycles at the moment
not the bestest ever tour for this version of clint
visions videos vicious internal angst bleeding my psyche
introversion reversion is ******'ing me
this soup bowl hath been poisoned
and i ain't prepared for such pain
at last i'll have always have my marbles of blue
and my die which with Bob will always crush you :)
which kiss do you most miss
cuz I heave several on that list
some of whom I've never even tasted
but "maybe someday" is imagination unwasted
reset myself so many times
when is it too many times?
precious little keeping me here
and I'm not much in touch with fear
the **** it ******* Clint
is ******* his inner Clinton
*** on
let's blow this scene
...money shot...
….and...out...


10:31 PM

which noose can you not cut loose
what's the soul scar you can't uncarve
or are you like me...
no fav among the many
I don't like space shuttles
but I do love muggles
well, a few of them
a few more on a whim
are your dreams too often screams
do you shout racial epithets at yourself
are you an ex genius boy
or a gorgeous-brain girl
who's tired of this toy we call our world
I hate saying I hate
but I hate all kinda ****
I used to Love to Love
but i just don't be feelin it
my blue rose hath decayed
its romantic spirit been betrayed
somewhere sometime my luck
said it doesn't even wanna ****
so fornicate yourself world
this boy beyond bent at bein whirled
I AM the best ME this boy ever been
but I'm just still just a Clint to my Clinton
c'mon man, I get it
hahahaha
but can't you quit
you win, i'm blah
this joke is older than I am
yet you insist on the retell
what else do you want from me
do you think I haven't visited my home in hell
when I am Positive Patient Polite people are joyful in their interactions with me...the potential to be a genuinely impactful presence in a meaningful moment of their life which they will remember and subsequently relive with me, pulling me into their experience as one of the cruxes, is the reason I actually have smile wrinkles from work even tho much of it is soul draining torture...not triple P at the moment....
how many dead people do you Noe???
many of you more than I certainly.
did it begin early?
does it continue late?
I don't want to be Dead
but it is seriously a freakish occurrence that I'm not
the statistics don't support it
better purer truer souls have seen their bodies left to rot
I knew my brain was insane at 5 yrs old
when the people studying me
told me my Intelligence Quotient was BOOM
and I said I Noe
but I can't respect your opinion
cuz this is a junior college room
so *******, yo
(plus my sister siblings were all so off the chart genius that I had to read at least a book a day from Kindergarden until HS, when I read a book a day cuz I wanted to F U, just to keep up with my understanding of the world beyond our block...if you have never read The Phantom Tollbooth, you really should, and you should do so with your kids...and if they're not old enough for Harry Potter or Tolkien, then read to/with them the Ursula K. Le Guin Earthsea Trilogy)
ouch
there's not a band aid for me
ahhh ****
I thought I was beyond thee
what was once my smile
is now a grisly grin
a snarky sneer
anything to contain the pain.
I'm sorry if you're sad
it might not be that bad
I can be the bestest silliness you've ever sampled
just hold my bald head as your button gets tongue trampled
and, ummm, yeah.....


11:30 PM

can you shake it??
the voice which quakes you?
who was your 1st?
not your 1st ****
not even your 1st kiss
simply the 1st set of eyes
blue, brown, green, heterochromatic (ooooohh Aly)
or the 1st smile, lips
the 1st voice, laugh
the 1st statement from a mind
a spirit in kind
which drew you into within
made that one the again and again and again
Did you ever Breakfast at her Tiffany's??
and if not is it still a favorite fantasy??
shhhhhh,
do you feel that???
that's a kiln absolutely killn it,
the dolls all Princess Wavin at their Kat
I can't get away with such silly sentimentality,
she'd most likely just make me smack me
you can't ME OW the Kat
unless you put it in a Tat :)
Does it still matter?
Is it still the solo
on your soul guitar?
Or is it merely whatever
couldn't give less of a ****
but wish them the best of luck
Maybe she was the entire worth of your world
I've been there once or thrice or more
In which case you can still hear her whisper
and your heart hates you for not winning her
Now without her, again, whoever whatever
drifting falling, alone again, whatever wherever
and....midnight don't mess around
time to get some sleep...hopefully super sound

joy  pain
ecstasy  agony
confusing enlightening
selfish selfless

squishy
messy
gorgeous four and a half steps beyond belief
more than maybe the bestest source of relief

the scent sent all but unbearably sweet
that tears holes **** yet makes you compete

the smell of eucalyptus on the breeze
when noewhere in sight are there any trees

a full moon in the midsummer sky
on a hillside holding hands on an endless night
or a playful full moon in the bedroom
ere you put out the light

alone and lonely
crying beside the sea
noe sound and noe rest
as a tree falls in the forest

blood
bruises
brokenness
a heart beheaded
a blooming flower deaded

a star blazing for billions of years
a silent siren song everyone hears

the best way to be crazy
where it's at, Baby

the exhilarating taste of mint
the thrillating of the perfect denouement

essential

i have no idea what this rain is
  red?
  grey?
  acid?

  soul blood?
  mind meh?
  heart burn?

Summer rain
  warm wet pain
Winter sleet
  the **** complete?
Fall fall
  leaves die and all
Spring sprung
   weeds from dung

today's word is ****
not *** making love sweet luck
just ****

armageddon
apocalypse
  every feeble fruitess flirt you've ever done
     dying dead decaying on your lips

almost excellent
it's really just ex-clint

all the peaches are rotted
  disease spotted

why are you still talking
  or are you attempting singing
cancerous words spat from a tumor-riddled throat
  choked out past that merely muddy moat

did you dream of this in your delightfully dreary dredging days
  soaked drenched in the worthless wonder of your whatever always

fruitless fruits are your words
wasted whims untasted on limbs
in a barren bone orchard

suspected
or unexpected
doesn't ******* matter
one way or the other
doesn't unshatter
doesn't cease this rain smother


**** it
sometimes you just have to throw pebbles into the sea

Been a while 4-15-20


i've already written these things
and they still don't matter
i've alerady ripped off these wings
and fallen into a shatter

the dreary drops of do or do not do
are merely evaporated dew
and wherever is my there
i'm finding it hard to care

I require a kiss
a long sensual merging
deep in my soul I need this
lest empityness keeps emerging

music batters me with memories
emotions brittle me with memories
she's still right here
they're all still right here

clouds cruise across the moon
loud in their silence
used to make me swoon
now it's just violence
ice pick to the eye violence

tired
burnt
my cat matters
love her purrs
everything else is just whatever

another drink
some same old think
it's just whatever
one more step towards forever

I was wishing upon a star
for a star upon thars
but I forgot what I meant
and thus goes clint

2b or not 2b
what f'ing apartment am i in anyway




she sits with the blade at her wrist
to slice or not to slice
that is the question
            the decision

lives hang in the balance
hers first and foremost
others on the periphery
but only just barely

they die if she dies
just slower
they bleed out thru empty eyes
just takes longer

the razors edge is ambivalent
it cares not what it cuts
i've never known if the blood feels the same
does it wish to remain from whence it came

dead eyes are just that
   dead
extinguished light
  never to be relit
the color is still there
  but dimmed
        dulled
    empty
     eons of empty
      eternities of empty
   do not look overly long into the depths of that well
      Lassie shall not arrive to rescue you
        you and Timmy are just ******
           buh bye *******

the noose is the razor's soul sister
  the missus to an evil mister
we need both blood and breath
  evicting either is equal parts death

the wind is always cold
  when a life's final tale is told
like there's a hole in the river
  when there can't even be a hole in a river
but somewhere in the almost back of your mind
  you remember sensing that sliver
and trying for a moment to focus on it
  but it was gone in an instant

she's not coming back
nobody returns from that hole in the river
not once
not ever

you want to go there yourself
  scream your soul into the face of that hell
explain exactly how it should go **** itself
  in ways they don't even allow in hell

there are memories running rampant in my mind today
  borne of both blood and beauty
all those things which made me me
every single ******* one

very much not okay

eidetic sux when it rears it's ******* head
that's why i tried to make it dead

beyond any ability of mine to control
some of them are hateful hurtful
some are almost okay
  
****

Georgia Palmers


ducks in the backyard
quacks in my head so hard
transcendentalness only carries you so far
Then there are Georgia Palmers at the bar

how much wine when whim is mine
will convince me Clint still feels fine
cuz all of her jugs haven't helped so far
Glad there are Georgia Palmers at the bar

the Jester's tears still fall
they ******* flow bro
i Noe i should be better y'all
**** sometimes ALL the evils i still Noe

I wuz born this way
I tried to **** it all away
**** the words rarely leave me alone
and every word has an emotion/memory all its own

there are trees with leaves rustling above streams
my Brother Bob and I running beneath them and beyond
I wish I had never become engulfed in the screams
cuz once I heard them they've never been gone

Carla Kristy Frannie
all dead before me
is the only reason I remain
becuz I deserve this pain

I miss you
and wish it was me not you
i'm tired sometimes
I hear you in my mind sometimes

there was a tree with a rainbow above it
guitar drum crescendo everyone love it
cancer killed the tree
withered the rainbow
suicide stole the crescendo
sometimes **** it is all I Noe

oh well
  You fell
   i fell
oh well

La Vida En La Villa Strangiato


Wondering what remains inside this aged shell...
  are there any poems still wanting me to tell?
will the words still write themselves
  when I whisper sweetly inside myself?

Even as broken as i remain
  shuddering within this shattered domain
are there star stories still in these skies
  cuz I still see them in my inner eyes

Music is terrifying
  touches far too deeply and truly
My muse no longer clarifying
  i'm left bereft and too unruly

death hath touched me too many times recently
  continuing to steal amazing beings from me
and his evil cousin cupid
  keeps ****** me almost as hard

that verse was all about meaning
  with zero respect for rhyme
the thing is,
oh aseptic poem ****...
*******

blech blah meh in my maw
  hate the taste of pain this raw
days weeks months years ago
  none of it has the decency to just go

i'm tired
  inside
never been this tired
  even when hope first died

believe it or not
  i still laugh a lot
but it's a momentary meeting,
  ephemerally fleeting

why is limbo a frozen inferno
  how why does it burn so badly
and why does it ******
  at my emotional chasm

almost everything that's me is amiss
  mostly unable to miss this abyss
the one void i can't avoid
  the tattoo inside i can't hide

suppose i should be glad to still feel
  but i sure would like to finally ******* heal  
is what I want from and for me merely in purgatory
  or is my end game destiny an eternal empty

cuz, you noe, like i always used to say sometimes,

I don't know your dead people,
never tiptoed through their tombstones
nor danced within where they dwell,...
be that heaven or hell
But my dead people are all too active,
wearing shells
ringing bells
singing broken fairy tales
within my mind once more
or maybe twice
or at least thrice for sure
And As Always,
I'm Amazed i'm not one of them
Coincidence within Clint plays,
and Fate cares only for its own whims
Their voices haven't changed,
though I've been many times rearranged
There are still lessons to learn
so I still lean in,
eager to listen...
Innocence screams forevermore once you've ***** it
unless you forgive your ignorance arrogance
and embrace the growth the losses let you posit
**** pieces of yourself
then decide to Hate your new Self
and you'll **** yourself
You can be perfect
or as approximate as possible
and cancer kills you at 35
But if the passion for the path was pretty much perfect
and the intensity of the effort was always palpable
(and appeared as effortless as it was selfless)
then all those you inspired are that much more alive
Yeah, that's the poem for now...couple Main characters weren't heard from, except to say "you have to be up in 5 hrs for a ride and then chores and then work....so go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. Check out the nametag grandma, you're in my world now"...wait, how did I slip into Happy Gilmore...

Been a while...so, ***, why not...
I am an Elastic Firecracker
not certain exactly what that means
or what it says about me
but I saw it on Spotify...
and it seemed like something I've been
Don't necessarily remember the exact when
or quite recall if I was worth it
but I'm fairly certain it was one of those moments
when I was utterly ******* brilliant
Maybe it was a talented tongue type Tuesday,
just another tingle tune in mid-June around midday
bouncy house with our shoes on
up down in out up to and beyond our very best
*** play on & on & on
Then a chug of wine
a sip of water
and a bit of a rest
Until another tender torrid entwine
boy to Man
and sometimes back again
i have been exiled gone
long ago forgotten
and learned that cancer claimed my 1st Love
an Angel who believed in that ******* above
i done been forgotten by the dead
sometimes sisters can't handle their own head.
I have felt the Agony in her eyes
both Noeing she would someday soon die
the only questions when
and by her hand or her ******
i've worshipped women who didn't want me
except for the laugh and the fake high
and the intense incense glow of my blue eyes
I have stared into her eyes
as deep as I could be
as we expressed our Love
with whoever below and the other above
I married a woman I Loved
no longer married
still Love :)
I've been given a family
and a re-love of Disney
by the woman who taught me more about me
than anything this world ever threw at me
I have arrived too late
to see the light go out
comas come and go
but end with her dead
Or didn't you know
i've lost and found myself in the embrace
of a hot body and a Beautiful face
and a spirit mind which blew me away
in a never before known way
who showed me the new me
then shattered me beyond belief
so when does one trip out
about trippin out?
cuz if intelligence experience emotions wisdom
is just ******* within a ******
and worthless is worth even less
then **** this being born
and let's be all about abortion
(**** the clint before it asserts itself
******* better off without itself)
so the old man
rebuilds himself yet again
sans the Dad who was his rock
and a Mom who's cuckoo clock
but with friends thru every whatever
a wonderful woman I love forever
and a family stronger closer than ever
apparently my spirit still shines bright
and my mind is not yet often a *****
I rarely feel that way inside the light
but I guess the evidence is strong
there's the best
and then all the rest
And I think I've been both
wonder what's next....
well, that flew out, 1st time in a while. not too bad. didn't review or edit so hope not on Sunday morning casual 5k suddenly going goddamit I forgot to mention i thought i could touch the stars and it's all Stephen Hawking's fault and if the apple guy hadn't already been karma killed I meant to say *******....

Alone
lonely
nothing happening which matters
nothing left from which to shatter

the jester's tear ducts are apparently dry
noe more blood with which to cry
supposed to be dead once more
as has happened all those times before

I can still feel her
  hear her
  sense her
just there
the gentle scents in her hair
  this world is very not fair

she's barely beyond my fingertips
so close
whispering to my lips

oh wait that was years ago
or maybe months from now or so
I Noe nothing anymore
except that mt soul is sore

wait, did she ask my name
I was just late, I still cared if she came
that was actually the only important part
for this night or the current version of my heart

nevermind
it's noe longer mine to find
I guess I gave up that right
I seem to have forfeited the fight

I remember some stars and a sliver of a silver moon
we were walking on some silken sand in our 2nd favorite month of June
her eyes
her eys
never seen anything like those eyes
have you ever lost and found yourself in those eyes

tired
mired in tired
and as I exhale yet another breath
I hear the familiar laughter of Death

old acquaintance, this Death fellow
far from our first hello
his reality has long been with me
usually decades too early

they leave...I stay
they ******* die...I've yet to go away
seriously, they always ******* die
i'm Midas except not gold, die

they cease to exist
I somehow persist
they were pure souls
I'm merely a pure spirit

my Father's father was an *******
deserved his place in a 6 foot hole
My Father was a Better Man than I
although I Really Do Try
and some say I'm better than I think
live my memory dreams and tell me what you think

I'm kind
there is sweetness in this mind
kitties doggies and bunnies love me


**** it tomorrow will surely be another day
and I have a cool pool

Woah, found this recently in my head...not bad actually...especially since I miss writing, like, a lot
I walked down whatever path was in front of me
so did she but we weren't WE
there were thorns on the ground
and all around
*** she screamed and I echoed
cuz it seemed serious *******
blood bleeds thru thorn holes
don't Noe if you knew that
but some thorns are metaphoric
and you can bleed from your soul
the walls seem ready to give up the ghost
and leave me dealing with the exiled host
synapses long silent set to refire
so this Clint seems set to expire
every memory from forever always there
three, nay four scenes playing together
i'd see them hear them smell them feel them
poignant powerful ocean within which i swim
i killed this **** decades ago to save me
it's why i put all those evil drugs in me
**** irony is a shakespearian witch
and she be a straight up full on *****
been fine bein' quasi intelligent
mostly anyways
found other aspects of Clint
which joyed my days
scared
terrified
reincarnation is upon me
the threats amplifying daily
don't wanna be that me
please
please
there is quite a pretty path weaving wandering through a forest, some groves, some open areas, some deep dark canopies, an occasional extended open space with a view you've only seen in dreams. Do you smell the fir needles and the fresh dirt? It's the type of experience which connects you to your planet. It's glorious and beauty of a type which no "e" connection will place into your soul forevermore.
along that path strolls a young man, perhaps a boy, he is laughing with his sister and the girl who would in a few years own his heart and his soul. Look leftwards, do you see the flutterby? Just starboard a wren whistles a mockingbird song and smiles and winks when you give it a confused face.
have you ever been on that path? I hope so becuz it teaches you a beauty beyond what most of us shall ever experience.
oh, anyway, he lived, sister died, love died, world continued completely indifferent...blah blah blah...path exists still...find it, enjoy it...
I walked down a path I thought I chose
naively believing I'm the ****** who chose
there were thorns on the ground
all around
but roses left and right
and Love actually gave me her light
for a little while
then of course back to exile
I walked down a path one day or the other
running laughing with Sean my Brother
he turned to look at me
yet said not a word
becuz we'd already heard
everything you could see
and spun kaleidoscope holes
along every fwy floor or wall
Oh ****
I forgot
he said...
and I quote...
…..Hello Nurse

YUCK 5-24-19


Doth it cometh again?
  sure, why not
   whatever
     guess i forget what i got

cancer never forgets
  and it can't wait to remember
suicide is anti-pride
  and its devour is also forever

those two evils
  are most of the kills
eliminatingmost of the lifes
  missing from my life

Sister not here to Noe i miss Her
  tell me how to tell tat girl i loved her
4 yrs older twin inside the same brain-skin
  never read my poet words she'd always heard
    tell me how to tell my myself better

my 1st LOVE was no different than yours
  except her inside & outside were more exquisite
wouldn't work out cuz i was too unpure
  always thought one day we'd laugh about it
    but did I mention how much I hate cancer

Carla was simply put a pure soul
  the kindest person I've ever met
she went one adventure too far
  and became a novae star
broke her beautiful whole
  and kissed the *** of Kismet

did any of you have that sister?
  the one who taught you everything and protected you and carried you and challenged you and
explained the exploration of the world and was the only other genius who understood the terrifying
bits at the back of the mind which were sometimes in the front and is the light EVERYone orbits and
then self-destructs and is an obit?

i am told i'm vibrant...i have a glow...i don't noe...tho it is true that very few who meet me forget me
  be that good ot bad
     but i'm a pale facsimile of my former self
        let alone her

Kristy Marie Dubbs
  Kirby
was the teacher we both wanted to be
  but much much better and more brilliant than me
I was actually kind of a natural
  but she had a whole nother level
our hero who made us love discussing
                                             discovering
                                                       every "becuz"
is the hero that to her students she was
   i miss her
       Foogie
           I Miss You

did any of you ever have that teacher?
  The one from whom it wasn't merely information but inspiration...this magical being who merged
    learning & joy, who opened the door to the world of knowledge and encouraged you to explore
    within...the wardrobe door is open boy, the adventure is yours...  For us it was Mr. Kurt Kasner, our
    5th grade teacher and ever after somewhat our muse, who taught me I should hone my natural
    instinct to think critically, analyze EVERYthing and state my case...hmmm, prob some folks who
    would wanna slap him....lol....

did any of you also have a they're both dead?
I hope not
cuz it sux

i'm an *******
i've held hate in my heart
unleashed it to take someone apart

i'm a sweet sensitive soul
take your pain as my own
sob yet stay strong as i groan

          i miss you Kirby
          i'm not okay
          it should have been me
          please un-die
          
i miss you Carla
i'm not okay
you killed me when you killed you
please un-die

they're dead decades before their time...
   the rhyme to that reason????