whatever you do, please remember
the sound of your little brother’s voice.
it’s not going to stay like that forever,
no matter how much you want it to.
record it. save his voice mails.
do anything you have to do.
because that’s what’s going to
make you feel at home when it’s
three in the morning and you’re alone
in a city that no longer belongs to you.

sometimes, girls with monogrammed
backpacks will hold the boy with
the tattooed arms a little closer
than you want them to.
remember that there has to be a girl
who gets movie nights with her mother
instead of a date with the boy
with the candescent eyes. and sometimes,
that girl is going to be you. but not always.
oh darling, not always.

keep your head up my love, and remember that
if it doesn’t work out, your best friend is still
willing to share custody of a cat with you.
you can still move into that apartment
in New York with the windows that overlook
the pale city lights. it just doesn’t have to be
with him. there are others who will love you
much better than he did, and he will build you
a window seat next to that city view
so that you will be inspired to write poetry.
just live for yourself, sweet girl, and all will be well.

we are the dreamers. we are the pranksters,
the pillow fort makers, and the lightning rod keepers.
we are the runners, running away from
everything we’ve ever known, but we always come right back.
we don’t know black and white, we never did.
we make each other’s lives a little more colorful.
the rest of my life, I will never have anything quite as beautiful.

I want you to look at me when I walk in the room.
I want you to forget how beautiful you think I am,
and for me to see you remember over and over again.
I want to talk to you for hours on top
of the parking garage and if it’s too cold,
I want to wear your jacket without even having to ask.
I want to know your favorite song and why you care
about it so much. I’m sorry; it’s just that I’ve never felt this way
about anybody before. I hope that I’m not invisible to you.
Nashville brought us together, but New Jersey might tear us apart.

you put the stars in the sky
with the sparkle in your eyes.

I just want to get you alone
because you're the closest
thing to home I've ever known.

I didn't mean to hurt you.
I was just trying to make myself whole again.
truthfully, I don't think I've been whole since I met you.
I'm sorry, I didn't think I'd hurt you.
But if I don't look out for myself, who will?

she has planets in her eyes
and dreams of unseen lands.
the tattoos across her body
a map of the places she’s been.
she could go anywhere,
but she longs to go to space.
she’ll do it with rainbow hair,
laughter in her heart,
and a smile on her face.

you and I weren’t made for hotel room suites,
for red carpet walks or night clubs so loud
that we can’t hear our heartbeats.
you and I were made for ****** apartments
and even crappier coffee, for slow walks
hand in hand through fast paced New York City.
we’ll see things from the ground up,
perhaps it’s better that way.
no matter what happens, I hope that you’ll stay.

no matter how far I stray
from you, I'll always know
that you'll be there waiting for me
when I come home.

don't be afraid
to take up my time, my dear
because everything's
better when you're here.

you can pretend that you don’t know me,
but your behavior won’t reverse what
the month of April was like.
truthfully, I don’t care if what she told you
made things different, as long as
you stop treating me like ****.

the first time you called me crying,
there was a wasp in your living room.
I ran over as fast as I could. I killed
the wasp, picked you up off the
bathroom floor, and took you to the mall.
this is the sort of excitement you bring
into everyday life. the next time you
called me crying, he was gone. I could
run as fast as I could, but no matter
how much I wanted to, I couldn’t just
pick you up off the bathroom floor and
take you to the mall. not this time.

two years later, I can finally
listen to our songs without
thinking about us singing them.
that's what they call progress.

maybe our paths were
bound to cross eventually.
she calls it fate, but I don’t
believe in that anymore.

even if I went back and changed things,
it still wouldn’t have made a difference.
but ****, your last name
would have looked good on me.
I think that’s what hurts the most.

my best friend would say
that I’m crazy for wanting you back.
most of the time, I try to convince myself
that it’s just the nostalgia talking,
but four o clock in the morning
is when the secrets come out.

I hope you find great things
wherever you're going.
perhaps one day, I'll have
the courage to start looking.

you could have really loved me.
hell, you probably should have loved me.
but sometimes, the world is the
most cruel to those who least deserve it.

your eyes are my favorite kind of blue.
baby, I just want to get to know you.

I could have written
much better poems about you,
but you didn’t give me the chance.

you deserve someone who will
wake up earlier than you do
to make your morning coffee.
well, I was never a morning person,
and you wouldn’t have to ask her twice.

at the time, you made my world
a little bit brighter, and for that,
I'm forever thankful.
things are different now,
but perhaps we're both better for it.

no matter what happened,
you loved wildly with
your whole heart, and
that’s a commendable thing.

I’m not sure what the future has in store.
all I know is that I don’t want
anything to do with you anymore.

the only way I’m moving forward
is if you’re in my passenger seat.
but I don’t know you anymore
and you don’t owe me anything.

when I have a daughter, she will grow up
knowing that she shouldn’t give her world
to someone who wouldn’t take care of it.
never will my child give her time to someone
who doesn’t cherish the minutes.

there might be other worlds in which
this behavior would be acceptable,
but this is not one of them.
there are people who would let you
string them along like old Christmas lights
on a freshly cut tree, but I am not one of them.
not anymore.

I fell in love again at 6 AM,
staring at your fluttering eyelids
with your even breathing pattern
as my soundtrack. when you woke up,
you smiled at me, and I swear your bedroom
was the place that every species
in the galaxy most wanted to be.

just when I thought I loved the city lights,
I started wishing away everything
in the cool night sky, so you could
shine the brightest.

I am the planets we can’t get to
and you are the entire earth;
vast, beautiful, and a little bit neglected.
I am the alien spaceships that fly over
our country to observe, but never make contact.
I am hidden in the far corners of the universe
and I don’t know how to reach you in a way
that you’d want me to stay.

everywhere I venture,
I don't stay long.
living out of suitcases
and singing indie songs.

my mother used to say that I
brought bad weather wherever I went.
"now, i'm not saying that it's your fault,
but every time you crave a change of pace,
the weather won't have it.
once you get comfortable somewhere,
the gods want you to stay."
it's funny, because you said the same thing
after I left. I guess my mother was right.

the next state over,
halfway across the country,
or even all the way on the other side,
I still look to see if the car that just passed is yours.
you're my worst bad habit and no matter what I do,
I just can't seem to shake you.

if I believed in luck, I would think
that I had the worst of it.
I seem to bring bad weather
wherever I go.

you acted like you didn't care if I left,
and then you got mad when I did.
you are a hypocrite.

you don't have to give me your extra fries,
but you can give me your extra time.
you don't have to hold me
in a higher regard than everyone else,
but you can hold me at night
when i'm crying and I can't fall asleep.

she says that you work too much.
this coming from a girl whose car
hasn't moved since January.
she's just waiting for you to come back
like she deserves every second of your time.
it's not like it matters,
but I would never ask that of you.

you haven't changed your
profile picture since I left.
I don't know it that's because
you stayed the same,
or if you've changed so much
that you can't recognize yourself anymore.

he is never going to love me,
and I am never going to ask him to.

sometimes, I think about the day I lost you.
it didn't come in waves, like I was accustomed to.
a single tsunami washed over me,
knocked me out, and I forgot how to breathe.
I was petrified because it was like you took me with you
and my body wasn't my home anymore.
a large part of me died with you that day.
they told me that that part would get smaller over time,
but I'm not so sure that's true. I had no say in the matter.
all I could do was lay on my cousin's couch
until the water drained from my lungs.

when I was younger, I wish that somebody told me
that happiness is free. it's watching the lightning storm
on the balcony by the beach with your family.
it’s dancing barefoot to Steely Dan
in the kitchen with your little sister,
even though neither of you know the words.
it’s laughing harder than you ever have before
in the back of the red pickup truck.
it’s you best friend telling you that she wouldn’t have
survived the summer without you.
these small moments add up
to a greater sum than you won in the lottery.

I don't know if I care if anyone ever loves me again.
I think he might love me enough for the entire world.

driving home isn't nearly as exciting
if there's no one waiting for you
on the other side of the door.

you know that it’s really over
when you can’t remember
their phone number anymore,
even though you’ve had it
memorized since the third grade.

things are not at all like they used to be.
I know that I am selfish,
but I never wanted you to go through this
without me.

I wish that I was someone who mattered.
maybe it’s because I don’t look up when I walk
or because I can’t think of anything witty or
insightful until it’s long past due,
but if I died tomorrow, I might get into heaven
because I was “a joy to have in class,”
but not for anything substantial.
I didn’t change the world.  
I didn’t even change one person.

I change my nail polish every day
because I get bored of the color.
how am I supposed to handle
a long term relationship?

I know that you cried
when you dropped her off at the airport.
i’m not sure if it was because
you knew it was the end
or thought it was the beginning.
either way, she didn’t deserve you
if she wasn’t going to look back.
for the record, I would have cried too.