when did it become custom
to tell people that we love them
just to be kind
and to tell people that we miss them
when we have no intention of
seeing them again?

it's ironic that I want you
to be the one to take me home,
when you're my home
in the first place.

I have been in love
with thoughts and ideas,
but I have never been in love
with a whole person.
longing and loving
are entirely different,
even though I feel like
they're the same.

it's been a long time coming,
and I must say;
I love you more this morning
than I did yesterday.
when you move,
I cannot think straight,
my head is in the clouds.
all I know, my darling
is that tomorrow I will love you
more than I do right now.

stars don't let me shine
as much as you do.

I evacuate at the first sign
of the storm and I will leave
you picking up the broken pieces
all alone. my heart is not your home.

I can't tell if I'm being practical
or if I'm just selling myself short.

there are many things
that I wish I could change about myself,
but you are not one of them.

one day, you'll drive by their house
and you won't check
to see if their car is in the driveway.
it might be cloudy now,
but the sun always comes back.

I wish that I could protect you
from everything horrible in this world,
but I am just a person.
I can't tell where the pain is coming from
until it starts hurting.

I really should stop making mixed CDs
for boys who will never listen to them.

I've been in my own hometown
for a couple of weeks now,
and slowly, you've started to
creep out of my mind.
I had a dream about you last night,
and now I'm right back where I started.
it's a cruel and unusual fate,
not being loved in return.

in ten years, I’m not going
to remember the sound of your voice
or the exact color of your eyes,
but I’m going to remember
how you made me feel
and how you kept me up at night
because I couldn’t stop
thinking about you.
2 AM is a lonely time
without you here by my side.

I am not the portrait
of a love struck thirteen year old
that I painted myself out to be.
last night, I fell asleep hoping that
if there ever comes a day that
you touch my back for a second time,
I will act completely normal.
I will not blush and smile like an idiot
or dance around my bedroom
to lame pop music that I know
you wouldn’t approve of.
they always said that I was mature for
my age. but now? I’m not so sure.

I'm almost certain that it isn't love.
I just really like the words you use
and the way you talk. I can't help it.
your laugh leaves me wanting more.

when we left for the summer,
I suffered the heartbreak that is
associated with a break up and
a type of sadness that is only
associated with death.
I’m not sure how I got here.

do we have to be friends?
I just want to hold your hand.

you always buy a $2 newspaper
from that homeless guy on magnolia,
even though you never read it.
you say, "some people need
a little more. money, hope, love."

how can I trust
someone who knows
that they should
have stayed but didn't?
I will not wait for you.

it's hard to sit still when all I want to do
is run away to Portland, Maine with you.

you know you're in
a heap of trouble
when he gets a haircut
and a new pair of glasses,
and you still think he's
the cutest creature
to ever walk the earth.

"set yourself free from your anxiety.
I have faith in you, you'll be okay."
everybody says it, but it only really
seems to matter when it's coming
from somebody who just gets it.
"just breathe, you'll be alright."

night drives, sitting in the backseat
of your car by the lake,
and I can't even look at you.
we both know that nothing will
be the same in the morning.
I guess that's the price you
have to pay for falling in love
too little and too late,
in the middle of the summer.

I dream of many impossible things.
like winning the lottery or
getting married to a famous boy
that I slow danced with at a concert.
but every time I see a car that
looks a little bit like yours,
I do a double take.
I start to think that maybe you've rolled
back into town to take me away,
like "Thunder Road" by Springsteen.
I think that's my most
impractical daydream of all.

I told him that he was the whole ocean,
and I was just a passing wave.
"there's a bigger one coming,
and I'm too small for you to notice I'm gone."

he replied, "if you're a wave, you're a tidal wave.
you've taken over everything.
you've ruined me in the best possible way.
you've ruined me for anybody else."

you made me feel
extraordinary things;
things I didn't even know
were possible until
you held my hand.
it's a very strange feeling,
not knowing you were
breathing until
you're gasping for air.

the biggest turn on
is the head and the heart.

the storm in my mind has put out my fire.
I keep trying to light it myself,
but I cannot find the matches.

I look for you everywhere,
even though I already
know where to find you.

sometimes,
you don't even know
you're in hell
until you catch a glimpse
of heaven.

a very wise professor once told me
not to tell somebody that you love them
if you don't care how they're doing.
so don't set someone on fire
just to watch them burn.

if you make me feel better
about striking out in whiffle ball
or playfully cutting in front of me
in the cafeteria,
I will not accept responsibility
for falling in love with you.

I read once
that the true mark of maturity
is trying to understand
where someone is coming from
when they hurt you,
instead of trying to hurt them back.
I guess I'm not as mature
as I thought I was.

help me, I have become addicted
to leaving behind those who have hurt me
over and over again,
like some become addicted to
cigarettes or tattoos or alcohol.
maybe my expectations are too high,
or being kind is my one true weakness,
but I don't expect to receive
any more than I am handing out.
if you keep taking, I won't have any more to give.

anybody who says "pay attention to me,
I am the most important"
when you feel like the ocean
has swallowed you whole,
is not worth loving.
hear these words, learn them, live them.
because you are your greatest downfall
and you don't need anyone pushing you.

so it seems
you have carved your name
into my tree of life again
and I just want to grow out of it.
so high, I can't even see it anymore.
but you are my whole tree,
and i'm not even a branch on yours.

we might not be pretty,
but at least we got soul.

i live in a world of many other men.
you were just the first one that
i locked eyes with in a crowded room.
we both know you won't be the last.

i didn't care for days, weeks, months.
but all of the sudden, it's 1:47
and i'm rocking back and forth
whispering to myself:
"don't miss the smell of the house,
don't miss the fat cat,
don't miss the pile of blankets and pillows
in the living room.
don't. DON'T."

my mind keeps going back to the night
that we danced on top of the parking garage,
screaming at the city
because it wouldn't let us see the stars.

take yourself out to dinner
if no one else will.
if you don't treat yourself right,
why would you expect
anyone else to?

you went out of your way to "bump into me"
and say hello on a Thursday afternoon.
when I excitedly told my friends,
they brushed it off like it was no big deal.
I guess this sort of thing
doesn't happen to me very often.

if I hadn't been wearing glasses,
would you have noticed my eyes
and wanted to look into them
for the rest of your life?

they say that
"the world will break your heart
ten ways to Sunday,"
but it's only Monday night,
and I already don't want to
get out of bed tomorrow.

while she was flirting with you,
you looked straight into my eyes
and I swear the world stopped.
did you feel the same?

it's funny how you think you're moving
in the right direction,
but then one day, you're driving down I-195.
windows down, blasting the song that goes
"oh dear, you look so lost."
not sure if you're running towards something,
or running away.

they say that you shouldn't
make homes out of human beings,
but material things don't complete me
the way you do.

I hope that one day, you are fortunate enough
to have people in your life who will
drive you past your ex best friend's house
at midnight in their red pickup truck.
revving their engine loud
even though they know she can't hear it.

you told me sophomore year
that you left him
because he was too nice to you.
it was only a matter of time
before you left me too,
so I ran before you did.

at two o clock in the morning,
it feels a lot like love.
but after I've had my first cup of coffee,
I ask myself "how can you be in love
with somebody
when you can't even remember
the sound of his voice?"