you haven't seen everything
you've seen the good
the laughter
the smiles
the stupid jokes
the sleepiness
when the truth pours out
when i cannot keep my eyes open
when i do nothing but giggle
you haven't seen me
when my mood swings
when i'm bawling
when i'm mad
you never want to see me mad
you haven't seen the dark
when i'm in a funk
when i do nothing but sleep
not eating because of the sickness
when my thoughts go dark too
are you sure that you want
to tether yourself to me?
the dark and twisted
always shows itself
that's when i'm being 'handled'
can you handle that?
will you say that you're handling me?
or will you be different
and say that you're caring for me?
god, i hope you can say 'care'
somehow, i know that's what you'll say
you know
i'll do the same for you
love on you until it breaks me
even still
i'll keep loving on you
until i can see your smile
will you do the same for me?
when i say i am letting you in
i mean
all of me
all sides
all moods
all patterns
will you stay with me?
god, please say yes
cause i am slowly figuring out
that i need you
please, need me too
despite the flaws
despite the moods
despite everything

i have so many words
itching to get out
plots and characters
living at my fingertips
waiting for me to breathe life
and bring them onto the page
why can't i?
they are stuck
waiting for me
should they simply
go find someone else?
should they simply
stop wishing for me?
no
i can do this
i think i can
i shall try
to write
and breathe life
and breathe hope
and breathe courage
maybe into myself
maybe into others
but *******
i will do this
i will write
and breathe something
into the world
something that will
impact others
make them talk
make them think
make them hope
dangerous weapon
to have and hold
i would much rather not
i suppose i have no other choice
to find the words
and get the courage
because i know what i must do
this is what i want
this is what i need
this is for me
and for others
to make an impact
to make a difference
to make my life
mean something