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jenna elizabeth Jan 2016
it's hard to hear a harsh word, even if it's from a stranger or a loved one. it'll stick on your head and stay there for weeks, months, maybe even a year. it's all you can see when you look in the mirror, their words echoing in their ears. people have more power over others than you'd think. you don't think of it until you hear it. it could be a mindless statement simply said or a subtle stab directed towards you. either way, it hurts. you try to brush it off, but it still gets to you. that's all you can think about. the other person doesn't know at all. they don't know the damage they've done. so you just keep living, with a dagger in your heart, and a harsh word on your mind.
jenna elizabeth Jan 2016
Simplicity is one of the best things in life. You know what’s simple? Sunsets, pouring rain, running barefoot through grass, walking hand and hand with your significant other on the beach. The simplest things in life are what usually take the breath away and create the most powerful memories.
I added this onto the end of a paper for one of my classes this past year, maybe because I hated the paper, but wanted to add something of worth at the end
jenna elizabeth Jan 2016
you
you ruined me
do you know that?
you ruined me
do you even care?
that ruin changed me
people say that change is good
it’s healthy for you
i’m not sure about my change

do you want to know more?
how you ruined me?

i was blind
blind and stupid
i fell for you
i fell long and hard
and the crash into reality ruined me
i still have the scars on my heart
scars that won’t heal
do you want to see them?
see the damage you caused?
see the ruin?

the rest is a tad more complicated

you had a pair of rose-colored glasses
you didn’t know what would happen
you put those glasses on me
you forced those glasses on me
suddenly, i saw what you saw
your world, your ideas, your opinions, your words
never mine, only yours
you didn’t know the glasses would ruin me
you took me to places i’d never been
you took me to places i didn’t want to be
then the illusion shattered
those rose-colored lenses splintered
flying into a million pieces
and some of those pieces flew into my eyes
those pieces that traveled into my mind
those pieces that ruined me

i’d like to say i carry you in my heart
but i carry you in my mind instead

do you remember now?
do you know when you ruined me?
i do
i’ll always know
you’ve probably forgotten
i’ll always remember
when you ruined me
it’s a hard thing to forget
the moment when i was ruined

i had asked you a question
an innocent harmless question
or so i thought
your answer, that was it
that was what ruined me
your answer ruined me
those two words
i asked you why you weren’t interested
why you didn’t ask me out
(is this starting to sound familiar?)
those two words
that small phrase
it ruined me
(you know those words?)
you said “physically unattractive”
i was physically unattractive to you
you liked my mind
but you hated my body
you liked the soul
but you hated the vessel

and that was the moment
i crashed into reality
the illusion shattered
you ruined me

that was in june of 2014
those words still haunt me
i’m ruined
thanks to you
something inside me changed
i won’t ever be the same
and i hate that
i was ruined
with deep scars on my heart
scars that won’t heal

you want to know the ruin?
i’m going to tell you anyway

i can’t look in a mirror
without thinking of your words
i don’t believe people
when they compliment me
if someone tells me i’m pretty
i wonder what they see
or if it’s me they’re looking at
i don’t get it
when i’m told i’m cute
because i’ve been ruined

you ruined me
do you know that?
you ruined me
do you even care?
you ruined me
do you remember now?
i do
i always will
because i’ve been ruined
jenna elizabeth Jan 2016
my stomach kills
every bite
is agony
full of regret with the passing hours
this is my reality now
my head pounds
every thought
a dull thud
deadened to the world around me
this is my reality now
my lungs break
every breath
a sharp intake
bringing a flood of stab wounds
this is my reality now
my body aches
every motion
a single shift
full of stiffness
this is my reality now
my happy dead
every action
hiding the grief
no one knowing but me
this is my reality now
for six months
this is my reality now
stomach crying
head pounding
lungs bursting
nerves screaming
still smiling
this is my reality now
the only positive?
i'm one hell of a liar
jenna elizabeth Jan 2016
let me count the numbers of ways i miss you:
i miss your hair
   how messy it becomes from the wind
i miss your eyes
   as they're (somehow) constantly on me
i miss your voice
   the way my name sounds coming from you
   tossing compliments at me, left and right
i miss your beard
   how it feels when you nuzzle into my shoulder
   absently playing with it while you drive
i miss your hands
   your fingers exploring my cold skin
   entwined as we walk through the park
i miss your torso
   my arms under your jacket as we embrace
   pulling me against you
i miss your feet
   how my feet can fit inside yours
   your reaction when I tickle them
i miss you
all the inside jokes
every single kiss
there's a look you get when you're staring at me
snuggling
taking walks
sitting in the back of your car
constantly talking
"****" and "poot"
hearing you call me sweetheart
                                                      ­              and that's just the start
jenna elizabeth Jan 2016
i have these notebooks
they're nothing truly special
red, green, and black
70 sheets of college ruled paper
(less than that from torn out pages)
battered and worn
months of wear and tear
but they hold so much value to me
pages of thoughts scribbled out
some pages half torn
to-do lists that were never completed
poems that are half completed
notes of poems that could be
random thoughts throughout the day
a song that i heard and liked
it's just random notes
thoughts that were filling my head
thoughts i had to get out
there's so many things i can share
and someday, i will
but now
i'll leave you with this poem
jenna elizabeth Jan 2016
i hate cars
i hate driving them
i hate riding in them
for some reason, other people enjoy cars
i don’t understand those other people
for me, cars are evil
cars take people away
away and you’ll never see them again
i wasn’t always distrustful of cars
once upon a time, i used to enjoy them
the family would go on road trips
see the state and find new adventures
i was six then
i was naive
there’s a reason i’m so distrustful of cars
i don’t have a phobia
i simply hate them
my psychologist says there’s nothing wrong with them
i disagree
cars hurt
they **** and destroy
they take away love and replace it with pain, tears, and grief
and flowers
there’s always flowers
hundreds of flowers, filling the house and suffocating you
slowly killing you
cars are dangerous
i don’t see why most people don’t realize that
i hate them for one reason
they take away and never give back
it happened a year ago
it was an accident
my mother died
there was a drunk driver
he hit her at an intersection
he was fine
she died instantly
she didn’t feel the pain of the crash
the rest of us did
we felt the pain of the crash
the crash that destroyed our lives
we all had our own personal demons after that
my father buried my mother
he then buried himself in work and scotch
my oldest brother locked out the crash
he then locked himself in his bedroom
my other brother never found closure
he then was never found at home
i lost my mother
i then lost myself
we were all broken
this happened for months
until i...
i said ‘enough’
i ran away
that’s all i am
a runaway
a scared child who couldn’t return home because...
she was being suffocated
she couldn’t breathe
she couldn’t live
i
i couldn’t live
it was an accident
i wasn’t as careful as i should have been
it was dark and rainy
the anniversary of the first accident
the anniversary of my mother’s death
i was it by a car
my oldest brother was driving
he was looking for me
it had only been a week
a week since i left
i almost died that night
or so i’m told
i almost died
i should have died
these days, we’re doing better
there’s still a hole in our hearts
there always will be a hole
but it’s less painful now
my father has stopped drowning in alcohol
my oldest brother has stopped staying in
my other brother has stopped staying out
and for me?
i’m still lost
but not as lost as i once was

— The End —