I hate myself
and my blandness.
I hate my hair
and my sadness.
I hate my nose
and my bruteness.
I hate my feet
and my bitterness.
I hate my legs
and my desperateness.
I hate my wrists
and my selfconsciousness.

Perfection
Beauty
Happy
Brilliance
Selfless
Excitement

Nothing.

Another night
To do some harm
Another club stamp
On her arm.

*****, whiskey,
Rock n roll
Lets the music
Fill her soul.

Knows all the bands
Heard every song
Hits every club
But doesn't belong.

She'll drink to pass
Another day
And rock to keep
The pain at bay.

Ran from a mistake
Then made some more
Got lost, but failure
Still found her door.

But there's VIP rooms
Drugs and ***
She'll distract the singer
Between sets.

Doesn't dwell
Can't go back
Mix ecstacy
With old regret.

Keep your distance
To not get hurt
Try it all
Go beserk.

'Cause mistakes won't find you
In a bar
Where no one knows
Who you are.

One Friday night
It starts to rain
A syringe sticks out
From her vein.

The party's pumpin'
Soundcheck done
The crowd's all here
Well, all but one.

The alley's cold
And so is she
******'s latest
Legacy.

Will anyone ask
"Where's whats-er-name?"
Will someone notice
She died of shame?

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

I planted a hand
  And there came up a palm,
I planted a heart
  And there came up balm.

Then I planted a wish,
  But there sprang a thorn,
While heaven frowned with thunder
  And earth sighed forlorn.

I want to see what's inside.
Even if it's ugly.
Don't you dare,
don't you dare hide
any part of you from me.
I don't care if my heart breaks,
into thousands of pieces.
I don't care if my mind aches
my fingertips want to trace the creases
that have found their way into your angry brow.
I will get inside.
I just don't know when.
Or how.
So what if my tears spill onto the floor.
I don't want just rainbows and sunsets
I want more.
Don't ever be afraid to show me where it hurts.
I want to make it go away.
I need to brighten every shade of gray.
I want to see the darkest side of you.
I bet I would love that part too.

I want to **** all the people I love

how their veins persist in me
how they do steal my plastic foam
how their tongues clean my eyes

and every morning whacks my stomach
and every morning seems nothing to me

the last one to be killed will be you
at the end of these words a barrel of a gun
will stick to your neck
and the last thing you will be thinking about
is this text
you will desperately search for salvation
a code among these mingled words
but this will be in vain

I will pull the trigger
in the ******* silence of your room
your cerebrum will be dispersed over your display
your blood will weep over your keyboard

look what you've done
with your thirst for aesthetics
with your inquisitive nature

I don't care who you are
you will have to die too

while you are reading all these
I am beginning to love you

Pounding...
This upbeat-beat won't stop-
It's sound.
Wound-
So tightly around-
My pulsing muscle's clenched veins.
This rain's
Leaving a rhythm!
I could dance-
Chance my-
TAP TAP TAP
Fighting back against this-
Wow, POW! BAM!

This tap tap tapping
Won't STOP.
And I've got-
To
STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
This liquid laugh-
Laughs-
Laughter
Flowing down.
I tremble.
This beating-
Retreating-
Pleading
Heart won't stop stop-
STOP.
Beating like feet tapping on tile.
All the while,
I float in and out of breaths
Like they're going out of style...

Like a bird chirp-
Chirping-
Lurking-
Deep within the pulsing.
Pushing..
Can't stop-
STOP. STOP.
Dancing and singing
Though ringing
Sounds
Go round
Inside of my ears.
Fear!
Fighting
And Biting
To just stop
This writhing!

Whispers in my ear...
And I fall, fall-
Stall!
Don't dance! Ignore that pound-
Pound-
Pounding sound.
Beat that beating,
And its tempting little-
TAP TAP TAP-
What a great beat
Captured in a body.

I fought the war, and the war
won.
Won't
STOP.

If you knew then
  that the last embrace was the LAST time you will be in her arms
would you have hugged a little tighter

If you knew then
  that the last fight was the LAST time you disagreed with her
would you have been more forgiving

If you knew then
  that the last dance was your LAST time you would be in her arms
would you have danced a little longer

If you knew then
that the last gift was the LAST gift you would ever give her
would you have put in a little more thought  into the present

If you knew then
that the last stroll together was the LAST time you walked hand in hand
would you have walked a little further

If you knew then
  that the last time you saw her smile was the last time she smiled back at you
would you have captured the moment forever in your heart

If you knew then
   that the last time she cried on you shoulder was the LAST time she would need your support
would you been more understanding and supportive

If you treat every moment
  as possibly the last moment
would you not then LIVE in the MOMENT?