I wonder if you watch the clouds too

If you watch them move
And change
Forming new creatures
Within their white tufts

I wonder if they hang above you
And if you look at them
And think of me

I know that every cloud
Seems to remind me of you

It covers the earth in shade
But shines brightly on nice days

You were covered in darkness
But sometimes, on good days,
You smile so brightly,
Held me so tightly,

So yes you remind me of the clouds

You remind me of so much
And so much reminds me of you.

As I teetered between between being sleep and consciousness I felt your arm wrapped around me like fairy dust that was left behind because when I was jolted awake by this feeling I knew I'd turn around and you, you wouldn't be there.

When we were apart
We nearly killed ourselves

When we were together
We barely breathed life into each other

Now it's fair to say
We can not be here nor there

For us
We don't belong anywhere.

No two were ever more like Romeo and Juliet than us
Torn apart by our families hatred for each other
Both on the brink of suicide
Both planning it
We're unafraid of knives
We only ever cared for words
Because they always stabbed so much deeper

Will we let their hate defeat us
Or by the grace of God
Will we find the strength to love each other
The way we always have.

Do you still hear my echo at night
The beating of my heart

Do you still feel me in bed
When I haven't been there

Do you feel my shadow lurking
Watching you heave your emptiness

Do you feel it
Placing a hand on your shoulder

Hoping one day you'll come to your senses

Can you feel me all around you
Swallowing me in the air you breathe.

My past finally said goodbye
With a block to the face

Goodbye hopes and dreams of eleven year old me

My past finally will fade

I will no longer live in the shadow
Of what you wanted me to be.

My world shattered
The diamonds that cascaded my life
Broke and fell around me
Shimmering in horror
For I have nothing left
And i try so hard now
To sweep up the glass
And put something, anything together
I try to make something out of nothing
But the ashes of the lost dreams
That now seem so hopeless
I fight for strength
When the aching is constant
And I'll move on and pretend
That nothing broke
That there never was
A sparkling world that has fallen apart
I'll put away some shards
Hoping one day everything will
Return to its former glory
But even my hope feels
Bitter and useless
I am no longer who i was years ago
Nor just last night
I'm the girl standing on the mound
Of all her failures
Searching for something good
Something solid and everlasting
And finding nothing
Ploping down in the mound of broken moments
That we never got to have
And all the ones we did
I'm the girl who is nothing
But the glass you step on outside
Or the dirt sweeping up in the wind.

I miss your kiss
No others
Will ever compare
I miss your hug
No others
Is as comforting
I miss your skin
No others
Lights mine with such passion
I miss your hands
No others
Matched mine so perfectly
Baby, sweetie, my love
I miss you.

I just wish I wasnt so lonely
I miss you
I love you
And I hope
We do come
Back to each other
Because I
Believe
We are
Meant to be

I miss making love everywhere
That passion that swept us away
That told us that here and now is perfect
The sweet kiss on my neck
That always made my skin rise
And the way we said we loved each other
And the way he touched me
The way he kissed those lips of mine
And made me claw at him and the sheets
The way we joined face to face
Face to hips
And best of all hip to hip
I miss the way we finished together
But never really finished because we always
Wanted more
I miss my lover
Because he was more than just that
He was a friend and the man
I dreamed would be my husband
And thats what made it special
That why our first time
Really felt like my first time.

Today
After all
Was done
I wanted
Desperately
To lay with you
Just as we were.

*If only we had time

Maybe true love
Is when two
People can break
Each others hearts
And still want
To just be with the other.

You've exiled me
Ignored my texts

I am no longer a part of you

But let me tell you this

You,
You will always be a part of me

You will always be

My true sweetie.

I cried so hard that night
Thanking God
For this last
Year and a half
Telling him how
I tried
And how i loved you
And how i shouldve listened
To his signs that it
Simply wasnt time
But he has yet to answer
If it'll ever get to be the right time.


So i fade back into the past and pray for you
Like i always use to do
Pray that you stay in my life
Even if im broken
Pray that one day you'll see
That i looked at you with more love
Than most humans can understand
Pray for God to find a way.

We were together
Three years
And you thought I was cheating
So you cheated a little

Not that there's really a degree of it, either you are or you aren't

But in all that time
That you thought that
You missed something really important

You missed the way I look at you

Like my whole world is in your eyes

Like you're the most attractive person in this world to me

Like I love you, every crazy, paranoid, insane part of you

You missed the part where I promised to always love you

And though in that time together

We did plan our future

You didn't think my heart was in it

But baby my whole soul was in it

There is no future for me without you

If there is it will just be a sad miserable existence

You lied and hid stuff

I didn't care about your choices

Just that you decided to lie

Three years together

Now nine of knowing you

And I still can't stop dreaming of you

You are home

Sweetie

I can't stop this love

I have tried

I have tried to love others

I have tried to find a lover

That could beat you

But you are always my King

And no matter how you hurt me

No matter what you think I feel

No matter if you lie or break promises

You will always be the person who brought me to life

The person who makes me happiest

And I will always love you

And if that makes me crazy

Then I'm okay with that.

The truth of it is
That she still cries in the shower
Remembering you

She will love you
Forever and always
As she had always promised

She loved you throughout
So much pain

She loved you after lies
After cheating
After leaving

She loved you as infinitely as the stars

She misses you everyday too
But you're gone now

You stopped being the man she needed
And she stopped being the woman you wanted.

I had loved you for so long

So long it ached with every breath I took

And now years after

All I can agree we had in common

Was great ***.

Boom boom boom
She knocks on the door of an entity
Shaped like an ***** she long forgot
She hears whispers
Alas no answer

Boom boom boom
She knocks again
The silence from the other side
Ringing in her gentle ears
And she begins to wonder
Will she ever again find the key

A heart

Is never

Ready

To be broken.

Why does it always seem so easy for you

To fly in and out on your golden chariot

And yes I'm partially to blame

Because i'm the one who painted it gold

Why does the wind no longer hit me with cool air

But a numbing one

That calms my aching soul

Why has my mind moved forward and my heart

Stand completely still

Why do i know this is the right thing to do

But my tears disagree

Why have we let the world cave in

And let something strong and breathtaking go

Why is it that we said goodbye only to say hello again

*Why?

I don't tell anyone
But I still miss you
Out of no where
I wish you were holding me
I miss you
More than my broken heart
Can ever fathom
I miss you
But you are gone
We are done
You have left me.

I cried all day
Wanting
So many parts
Of my life to a dream
But the more I cried
The more I knew
I can't erase it
Just hope
There is ONE
Person
Just one
Who would understand.

I'm going off the deep
                                      E
                    ­                     N
                                              D



            ­                                                     *Will You Save Me?