I've been trying to learn
How to not hate myself.


How do I unlearn everything I've taught myself?

How do I take back my tears?

How do I take back slicing into my own skin in hopes I'd die?

How do I erase the self doubt and fear?

How do I let go of all the years I didn't feel like enough?

How do I wash away the sin?


I want to cleanse my soul

Show me how.

He asks me "don't you just love her? "

As if to tell me how perfect he thinks she is

As if to tell me I cannot be compared

And I want to tell him no

No!

I do not like her

Or the way she treats you

Or the way she speaks to you

I don't like that she gets to kiss you

Or to touch you

Or that she takes for granted the way you make everyone around you laugh even when I know you're hurting

I don't like that she is yours

And I don't like that I can never be

I wonder sometimes if I can ever be satisfied

Or will the intense desire for more always rule me.

Can you please give me more.

If I said we burned bridges that would be an understatement

After being tangled in your sheets for weeks

The bridge did not just burn

It exploded

You slipped away for the hundredth time

Not that it should have mattered

We were just friends

But all I remember is slamming my hands into my steering wheel as the hottest tears streamed down my face

It's been three going on four years now since we've even spoken

But I still miss parts of you

I never met someone so opposite me

And yet who totally understood my inner struggle

The bridge that once connected us

It's gone now

And I have to realize there's no rebuilding this time.