This poem
If that's what you wanna call it
Is a ******* shrine to you

Like every poem I've ever written

It's the only thing on my mind

Words for you
Words of you

How can someone
Own all my words
All my thoughts

How can you own me

How do I stop this ******* shrine

And darkest of all
What if I never want to stop?

It's almost 4 A.M.
And I'm in this bed alone
Having an imaginary fight
With you that I know
I will never have the courage
To actually say

And I'm crying as I list
Just how much I miss the little things

And I'm wishing
That my love for you
Could die

But it won't

No matter how much time passed

You're a permanent resident in my heart

I'm breaking from everything

Every bit of love I've ever felt
Was because of you
And I will never love again

Every time I feel close
I think of you
And I know

I know no love
Will ever compare to the first

My first kiss
My first lover
My first fianceé
My first roommate

My first heart break
And every heart break after

And still I would go to you
Fall for you
Fall to you

I will always be yours.

I feel like venom
Like somehow
I poison every relationship

Either they were built
On my poison

Or I made it emerge

Either they use me
Or I leave them

Out of brokenness
Will come more brokenness.

Our whole lives
You've been fighting the love
I've been fighting for it

I can no longer count the times
You've left me
Or ended our relationship

I've known you almost nine years

I know your every expression

I know I am not the right choice

But I would fight for you until the end of time itself

And that's the biggest heartbreak of all

My dedication
And your lack thereof

I think back to when I use to smile

And it was always in your arms

I remember walking in the heat of August

Sweaty palms didn't stop us from holding hands

I remember us venturing in the middle of winter

We walked in the snow
And you were still so warm

I remember the way your whole soul seemed to calm when I rubbed your back

I will always hold our memories

I have tried to erase them

But my dreams won't let me

I wanted to be yours

I would follow you anywhere

And yet

I am alone now

When our old song comes on
I can't bare to listen

Because it hurts so bad
And I remember when you believed in us and it would make you cry

You're choosing your mind over your heart

And I'm left with my heart
Too **** full

And my mind drowning in memories

How do I let you go

I've been asking myself this since we met

Since you asked to be my friend
And I told you this would happen

How do I let you go

Because I know now

It'll never be me

I will never be your final choice.

Are you out there?
I feel you in the distance
Every ounce of me
Is breaking apart

It's been a long time
Since I woke up
Wanting to cry
Because I dreamed of you
Because my mind instantly
Flooded with thoughts of you

Loving you has been
Heartbreaking

But no matter what
No matter how many times
You leave me
Without a goodbye

I think I love you a little more
I may have a masochistic heart.

That girl who everyone loves

Who somehow is friends with everyone

Who everyone calls beautiful and gorgeous

Even when she styles her hair weird

That girl who has dated more guys than hours in the day

And then miraculously finds her one

I don't envy her please do not believe that

It's simply her existence and everyone's complete and utter fascination with her that baffles me

That girl creates a small vortex of hatred in my soul

And I hate her for it

Because she doesn't even realize

Because I don't like to take the time and effort it takes to hate

Because my whole life I've been all about love and it's as though without her knowledge she has tainted me.

It's just that girl...