Our whole lives
You've been fighting the love
I've been fighting for it

I can no longer count the times
You've left me
Or ended our relationship

I've known you almost nine years

I know your every expression

I know I am not the right choice

But I would fight for you until the end of time itself

And that's the biggest heartbreak of all

My dedication
And your lack thereof

I think back to when I use to smile

And it was always in your arms

I remember walking in the heat of August

Sweaty palms didn't stop us from holding hands

I remember us venturing in the middle of winter

We walked in the snow
And you were still so warm

I remember the way your whole soul seemed to calm when I rubbed your back

I will always hold our memories

I have tried to erase them

But my dreams won't let me

I wanted to be yours

I would follow you anywhere

And yet

I am alone now

When our old song comes on
I can't bare to listen

Because it hurts so bad
And I remember when you believed in us and it would make you cry

You're choosing your mind over your heart

And I'm left with my heart
Too **** full

And my mind drowning in memories

How do I let you go

I've been asking myself this since we met

Since you asked to be my friend
And I told you this would happen

How do I let you go

Because I know now

It'll never be me

I will never be your final choice.

Are you out there?
I feel you in the distance
Every ounce of me
Is breaking apart

It's been a long time
Since I woke up
Wanting to cry
Because I dreamed of you
Because my mind instantly
Flooded with thoughts of you

Loving you has been
Heartbreaking

But no matter what
No matter how many times
You leave me
Without a goodbye

I think I love you a little more
I may have a masochistic heart.

That girl who everyone loves

Who somehow is friends with everyone

Who everyone calls beautiful and gorgeous

Even when she styles her hair weird

That girl who has dated more guys than hours in the day

And then miraculously finds her one

I don't envy her please do not believe that

It's simply her existence and everyone's complete and utter fascination with her that baffles me

That girl creates a small vortex of hatred in my soul

And I hate her for it

Because she doesn't even realize

Because I don't like to take the time and effort it takes to hate

Because my whole life I've been all about love and it's as though without her knowledge she has tainted me.

It's just that girl...

I don't want to love you
But my heart doesn't understand

I can't have you
The love we once had is gone

When I look in your eyes I almost feel it but then you turn it off without a second thought

I however cannot turn off my emotions or my love

And I hate myself for the weight of my love

And I hate myself for being jealous over what's probably nothing

You're not mine
I cannot get jealous

I need to find someone who loves me but I just can't seem to find anyone but you that I can love

My heart is stupid
My mind is screaming
But I'll still turn up in your bed
Still dream of another life
One where maybe
All my dreams come true.

When you don't want the love that's in your heart

Because you know it's not in theirs

Or better yet when you know what's in your heart

And all you want is for the same love to be in theirs.

I feel so trapped,
Trapped by circumstance
Trapped my my own heart,
My own fears.
My own desires.
Trapped by my life
But life is suppose to be free

I don't feel free

I feel trapped by judgement.
And the opinions of others

Trapped by a future I've lived out
In my head a million times

Trapped by the idea I may not have that future

I just need you to help set me free

Set me free and show me,
Show me what it's like to fly
Show me what it feels like to be loved.