I thought I saw you
And my whole nervous system wanted to crash

I didn't know if you were an enemy or friend

Because you've been both
And the lines always blurred.

When I was held down

You said how could I cheat

I should have known then

What took another few years to learn

You and I weren't meant to be

I loved you

And you might've hated me.

Maybe I don't hate myself as much as I hate what we've done while on Earth

I've always felt wrong

And the only time I feel home

Is when I stare out into the vast ocean.

I'm haunted

Haunt by ghosts

By the shadows of a life never lived

Joy I never got

I'm haunted by the past

Around each corner

And each time I dream it's there

The ghosts

They never leave me

We are one in the same

And I can't seem to saw them off my soul.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that my first love, didn't love me back.

I spent 3 years with a man who I constantly had to explain myself to.

Who told me to my face in all types of ways that I wasn't good enough.

Yet I loved him unconditionally, for those 3 years and for so many more.

I still believe part of me would break if he weren't on this planet, and it's sad to think that he doesn't feel that way too.