Why don't they teach little girls
That your first love will stain your soul


Your husband can scrub and yet the history can never be erased

There will always be moments I think of you

They don't teach little girls how first love feels

And they certainly don't teach what it is to be loved, truly and completely

And I'm so grateful I learned.

I thought I saw you
And my whole nervous system wanted to crash

I didn't know if you were an enemy or friend

Because you've been both
And the lines always blurred.

When I was held down

You said how could I cheat

I should have known then

What took another few years to learn

You and I weren't meant to be

I loved you

And you might've hated me.

Maybe I don't hate myself as much as I hate what we've done while on Earth

I've always felt wrong

And the only time I feel home

Is when I stare out into the vast ocean.

I'm haunted

Haunt by ghosts

By the shadows of a life never lived

Joy I never got

I'm haunted by the past

Around each corner

And each time I dream it's there

The ghosts

They never leave me

We are one in the same

And I can't seem to saw them off my soul.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that my first love, didn't love me back.

I spent 3 years with a man who I constantly had to explain myself to.

Who told me to my face in all types of ways that I wasn't good enough.

Yet I loved him unconditionally, for those 3 years and for so many more.

I still believe part of me would break if he weren't on this planet, and it's sad to think that he doesn't feel that way too.