At some point I miss him.
along the line I haven't slept.
my thoughts changed. I can't remember how to be happy.
As nothing progressed I can't escape from my head.
and I began My nights belong to the nightmares.
to feel at home here I haven't slept.
the stillness I miss him.
trickled into my head. He's dead.
It's such a little change I can't stop looking for him.
but now I don't know how to deal with this.
the landscape is colored I don't enjoy being alive.
with unfulfilled waiting, He's dead.
unmet expectations I'm not dead.
excuses. I still miss him.
The sharp brightness I still haven't slept.
of the initial pain I still can't remember how to be happy.
(and I had never felt so alive) I still can't escape from my head.
fades to dull colors. My nights still belong to the nightmares.
My eyes don't burn I still haven't slept.
anymore. I still miss him.
Maybe I don't have to run. He's still dead.
I can just embrace this; I still can't stop looking for him.
this stillness I still don't know how to deal with this.
stop expecting I still don't enjoy being alive.
stop waiting. He's still dead.
And in that case...I'm still not dead.
*Why not?
#6 in a series called Seven Shades of Suicidal. I might actually edit the rest of them at some point.