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 Jan 2014 annmarie
Eliana
Still
 Jan 2014 annmarie
Eliana
At some point                                                            ­                             I miss him.
along the line                                                             ­                      I haven't slept.
my thoughts changed.                               I can't remember how to be happy.
As nothing progressed                                        I can't escape from my head.
and I began                                        My nights belong to the nightmares.
to feel at home here                                                           I haven't slept.
the stillness                                                        ­                                   I miss him.
trickled into my head.                                                                        He's dead.
It's such a little change                                       I can't stop looking for him.
but now                                               I don't know how to deal with this.
the landscape is colored                                 I don't enjoy being alive.
with unfulfilled waiting,                                                                         He's dead.
unmet expectations                                                                          I'm not dead.
excuses.                                                                                        I still miss him.
The sharp brightness                                                         I still haven't slept.
of the initial pain                         I still can't remember how to be happy.
(and I had never felt so alive)          I still can't escape from my head.
fades to dull colors.      My nights still belong to the nightmares.
My eyes don't burn                                   I still haven't slept.
anymore.                                                 ­  I still miss him.
Maybe I don't have to run.                He's still dead.
I can just embrace this;          I still can't stop looking for him.
this stillness          I still don't know how to deal with this.
stop expecting             I still don't enjoy being alive.
stop waiting.                           He's still dead.
And in that case...I'm still not dead.
                  *Why not?
#6 in a series called Seven Shades of Suicidal. I might actually edit the rest of them at some point.
 Jan 2014 annmarie
hkr
he smelled like you
so i let him kiss me
thinking it would be
just like home

spoiler alert;
it wasn't.

*i miss you
 Jan 2014 annmarie
hkr
cells ig
 Jan 2014 annmarie
hkr
snakes get a new skin
every one
two
three months

we get one every
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven years

in five year's time
i'll have a skin
you never
touched

and i'll still probably
be conflicted
on how i feel
about that.
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