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252 · May 2016
fairy tale
oakley May 2016
"i'm an open book"
but what's the hidden text?
are you simply a nursery rhyme,
or something much more grimm?
251 · Mar 2016
it's not over
oakley Mar 2016
nothing could take the pain away
so nothing became my relief
nothing became my morphine
of all of my vices
nothing had the strongest grip
sweet sweet nothing
249 · Aug 2014
This Moment
oakley Aug 2014
Happiness
Joy
Safety
Warmth
Peace
Quiet
Love
Can I have this moment forever?
247 · May 2016
nagging voice
oakley May 2016
whispering that i'm all alone
but never leaving me alone
246 · May 2016
so you've found love
oakley May 2016
hold onto it.
she used to look at me that way.









and losing her...
i wouldn't wish that on anyone,
certainly not you.
244 · Jan 2016
quit
oakley Jan 2016
quitters never win
winners never quit
but if you stay in the game you lose
so we're all quitters
rats
abandoning a sinking ship
244 · Oct 2015
Where I Am From
oakley Oct 2015
I am from the Universe,
from stars and nebulas.
I am from the galaxies.
The delicate, the powerful,
every infinity, past, present, and future.
I am from the meteor showers,
the solar flares.
I am made of the same atoms
of all that was, is, and will be.

I am from everything under the sun and
everything beyond the sun,
from asteroids and Super Novas.
I am from the essence,
and the energy of all of time and space,
from life stories,
and chemical reactions.
I'm from everything that surrounds me,
the same vibrations move through my soul.

I'm from eons and eons back,
Science and History.
From the dark matter,
the icy cold blackness,
the billions of astronomical units of emptiness,
the fiery explosions,
the twinkling lights,
the white-hot comets,
and endless matter, endless space, endless possiblities.

I am from the Universe,
I am the Universe.
In everyday life,
I am the stars,
I am the earth,
I am the light and the darkness.
My eyes can hold galaxies.
My soul is written in the stars.
For I am from the Universe.
Inspired by George Ella Lyon
239 · Oct 2015
Attention
oakley Oct 2015
Long, thick sleeves,
pulled all the way over my hands,
in the dead heat of August

Forcing light into my eyes,
so that my fake smile doesn't look
completely dead

The knot in my chest when I shower,
because the hot water stinging my cuts
is a cruel reminder of my pain

Words, written on a paper,
kept in my desk drawer -- secret -- because I have
no one to tell

Hands shaking, as I drag the blade across my flesh,
because pain is the only thing
I can feel anymore

Do you still think I just want attention?
235 · Apr 2016
here we go again
oakley Apr 2016
"see? no cuts."
please don't look into my eyes.
there's nothing on my wrists
but you never check my thighs.
my skin is like a canvas
and i just can't help myself
my razors are my paintbrushes

"no, i don't need help."
*i love all of my paintings
i love the way it feels
when porcelain skin
is met with stainless steel
234 · Feb 2016
different
oakley Feb 2016
the world looks different
not better
not worse

when you open your eyes wide
and stop trying to piece together
your life between eyelashes

it's not good
it's not bad
it's just real


for the first time i can see you
the way you are
i can see what i tried to hide from myself

i was scared
now i know
you look...
different
232 · Apr 2016
formalities
oakley Apr 2016
"is anyone out there?"
he shouted to the empty forest,
hoping that no one had heard.
232 · Apr 2016
you are all i need
oakley Apr 2016
but i am the one thing you could stand to lose
oakley Mar 2016
is it my fault that you left?
did you leave because you felt like it?
because i wasn't enough?
because you wanted to hurt me?
because you needed someone else?
or were you never there to begin with?
231 · Oct 2017
fog
oakley Oct 2017
fog
I woke up cold this morning
and I had an old song in my head
all my friends are moving on
and I'm 12 steps higher but not any further ahead
daily the ghost of you
haunts me in the strangest ways
all my friends are moving on
and I'm 12 steps higher but not any further away

does the gloom of other people surround you
does the fog make it harder to breathe
cause I know I can suffocate in ideas and emotions
along with all the lies that I believe

there's a murmur just below the surface
there's a tingling just beneath the skin
all my friends have outgrown me
and I'm growing upwards too but not within

does the gloom of other people surround you
does the fog make it harder to breathe
cause I know I can suffocate in ideas and emotions
along with all the lies that I believe

I woke up cold this morning
and I had an old song in my head
all my friends are moving on
and I'm 12 steps higher but not any further ahead

does the gloom of other people surround you
does the fog make it harder to breathe
cause I know I can suffocate in ideas and emotions
along with all the lies that I believe
oakley Mar 2016
when dead becomes the new normal
life starts to feel wrong.
you feel weaker every time
someone calls you strong.
am i dead to you
like you're dead to the world?
did you become my poison
or were you killing me all along?
230 · Aug 2014
Intermediary
oakley Aug 2014
When she told me she loved you, I saw a light in her eyes.
I know you don't feel that way about her,
But if she finds out, she'll be crushed.
I want to feel happy for her, when she says she's in love.
So, please, can you try to love her.
230 · Apr 2016
finality
oakley Apr 2016
"is anyone out there?"
she whispered to the endless crowd,
hoping that just one person would notice.
229 · Dec 2015
My Personal Hell
oakley Dec 2015
After I die, I will remain-
Still on Earth,
but even more powerless than before.
And I will see those I love
fall to pieces,
powerless to help them.
I will stand by,
a ghost,
and watch the mess I left in my wake.
I will see what I love
destroyed
in the worst possible way-
From the inside out.
My Personal Hell.
228 · May 2017
constellations
oakley May 2017
one day there will be others
a constellation
you won't be the only one anymore
but you'll always shine the brightest
and in my mind
the ones yet to come
will be ghosts of you
226 · Apr 2017
Untitled
oakley Apr 2017
you're the toaster to my bubble bath,
the canary to my gold mine
224 · Mar 2016
the order of entropy
oakley Mar 2016
i didn't choose to love
but love decided to haunt me.
       love decided to taunt me
                                torture me
with what i didn't want before
                 what i now long for
                                      but can never have.
224 · Oct 2015
I'm Just Tired
oakley Oct 2015
"Are you okay? You look sad."
"I'm fine, I'm just tired."
Tired of feeling empty,
tired of feeling alone,
tired of hating myself,
tired of hurting myself,
tired of crying,
tired of dying,
tired of faking,
tired of breaking,
tired of sinking,
tired of falling,
tired of darkness,
tired of numbness,
tired of wanting this all to end.


But I'm fine.
I'm just tired.
oakley Apr 2016
nothing
leaves such a sour taste in my mouth
as the words
"i love you"
222 · May 2017
constellations
oakley May 2017
one day there will be others
a constellation
you won't be the only one anymore
but you'll always shine the brightest
and in my mind
the ones yet to come
will be ghosts of you
221 · Apr 2016
shift
oakley Apr 2016
the night sky is more red than blue
pale hands are more blue than red
it's the air's turn to bleed
and skin's turn to freeze
221 · Apr 2016
the easy way
oakley Apr 2016
it's just like going to sleep-
an easy out,
a surrender.
a surrender to all those voices
telling you to
just let go
telling you that
no one will care.*
each whisper,
each moment,
and i surrender
just a little bit more.
221 · Mar 2016
melt.
oakley Mar 2016
i started to melt
meltdown
down
down
down
and you caught me
held me
let me melt
into your arms
221 · Jan 2016
lost my mind
oakley Jan 2016
if you met me,
you might say
i'd lost my mind
you'd be right
but not in the way
one would think
i've got a grip
on the part of my mind
that i need to live
but not to survive.
220 · Mar 2016
reckless
oakley Mar 2016
hindsight is 20/20..
you know that now.
you didn't have to wait though.
from the outside it was obvious
how reckless you were being.
but you were blind.
you told me to tell you next time,
but will you ever listen?
219 · Aug 2014
Dreams
oakley Aug 2014
Dreams are not real.
But they can be if you make them happen.
Nightmares are not real.
But if you make them real, they will be more real than dreams.
It's up to you.
Make your dreams come true, or let your nightmares become reality.
214 · Oct 2015
Burn Out Bright
oakley Oct 2015
It's better to burn out bright,
than to fade away.
Better to be swallowed in an inferno,
than to be swallowed in emptiness.
Better to leave behind smoke and ashes,
than to disappear without a trace.
Better to leave the world with a reminder of you,
than to leave as anonymous as when you began.
214 · Dec 2015
Damage
oakley Dec 2015
I attacked my wrists
but the scars will fade away.
I wrecked my mind
and the damage will stay.

This temporary skin
will heal
But a soul is permanent
and the damage is real.
211 · Oct 2017
diamonds
oakley Oct 2017
love is like the diamond industry
your love particularly
because you withhold
so your product can be oversold
211 · Apr 2016
Untitled
oakley Apr 2016
if i solved the problem
why do i feel even worse?
209 · Jan 2016
fine
oakley Jan 2016
"so how do you feel?"
"fine."
"so what do you feel?"
"nothing."
oakley Mar 2016
we exchanged the ringing in each others ears
wrote empty vows deep in each others hearts
the world spun faster, faster until it disappeared
"until december do us part"
"until december do us part"
hey, toby, you ***********, *************, *******, ******* **********, this ones for you, ************. you can go **** ********.
oakley Mar 2016
i had never been the one to love more.
i had always just been picked up,
                                        swept along.
                                                            and i liked it that way.
now i'm the one doing the sweeping.
     not sweeping anyone along, though.
            sweeping everything under the rug.
   love, heartbreak, tears, aching, anger, loneliness, longing...
201 · Oct 2015
What If?
oakley Oct 2015
I had always been afraid to fly
I looked up to the sky, wondering "what if?"
That's when I saw you
Always flying, afraid of falling.
You looked down at me, I looked up at you,
Each so fixated with the other,
We forgot that we were also gazing at our greatest fears.
I asked you to come down and be with me,
But you refused, for fear of falling down to the unforgiving ground.
You asked me to fly up and be with you,
But I couldn't bring myself to soar towards the terrifying skies.
So, there we stayed,
Me staring up at you, you staring down at me,
Longing, and forever wondering,
"what if?"
200 · Dec 2015
Cry(10w)
oakley Dec 2015
When eyes are
drained
slit wrists will
cry in pain.
197 · Feb 2016
what's the difference?
oakley Feb 2016
either
my demons have taken over
or
i was the demon all along
195 · Oct 2015
Twenty Stories Up
oakley Oct 2015
Sitting in the middle
of an empty window frame,
Gripping the window sill
to keep my hands form shaking,
Feet swinging idly
sixty meters above the city street.
Staring blankly down
at the sidewalk below.

There are two ways off this ledge,
to turn back, or to jump.
I sit for hours wondering,
to press on, or end my pain?
The sun has long since left the sky,
leaving me lost in the dark.
One thought remains in my mind:
to end this misery.

I close my eyes,
I slowy inch towards the edge.
Twenty stories up...
Ready to fall...
Just one final push...
193 · Jan 2016
trapped
oakley Jan 2016
in a city
where no building
is more than
four stories high
i am trapped

in skin
i do not love
do not belong to
do not recognize
i am trapped
You can take what you want from this. I think the meaning one sees says a lot about them.
oakley Dec 2015
You are my addiction,
my pain,
my Achilles Heel.
You are the reason I loose sleep,
the circles under my eyes,
the weight on my shoulders.
You are my painkiller,
and the reason I need it.
You are a cycle
in which I am trapped.
You are tearing me apart,
but I let you,
because something about it
is the only thing
that makes me feel alive.
193 · Oct 2015
Stars
oakley Oct 2015
I gazed up into the night sky,
staring in wonder at the beautiful stars.
My eyes fixed upon them,
I fell in love with their silver glow.

I began to stop fearing the night,
my radiant stars shone through the darkness.
They drowned out my demons,
they flooded my soul with their light.

But the good things cannot last,
can they?
This world must destroy
all that is valuable.

And so it was.
The skies began to crumble,
and my stars began to fall,
plummeting from their celestial home.

I stretched out my arms to catch the stars,
to save them from the freezing ground.
I caught them, and oh, how  they burned!
Those beautiful stars, so gentle, so fiery!

But I held them, none the less,
to save them from the harsh, dead earth.
I let them burn away at my skin,
my beloved beacons of hope, became my agonizing downfall.
Thats the thing about stars. They're so beautiful that you just want to scoop them all up and hold them close to your heart or catch them as they fall from the sky. But if you so much as touch them, you get burned.
191 · Oct 2015
Too Late
oakley Oct 2015
The week after I died...

I sat down beside you on your sofa.
I watched.
Your hands shook as much reading my note
As mine did writing it.
Your jaw trembled, your eyes filled with tears.
I saw the cracks starting to form
Just as I had felt them.
You mouthed the words that I was thinking:

"I'm sorry."

What have I done?
I can't undo this.

I didn't know you needed me.
You didn't know I needed you.
I've left you behind to follow the same path that I did.
If only we'd been more honest with each other.
But now,

It's too late.
190 · Oct 2015
Headache
oakley Oct 2015
You can not focus,
Your mind is dull,
Overcome by the dreary pain
setting into your skull.

You close your eyes,
You rest your head,
You take a pill to ****
the pain that you dread.
...

My demons scream,
My soul it cries,
As darkness creeps through
my dying mind.

I hurt myself,
I cry "Help me!",
I'm waging a war that
no one can see.

What a headache is to you
is not what a headache is to me.
189 · Jan 2016
library
oakley Jan 2016
row
upon row
upon row
of books
books with glossy covers
books with broken spines
books with smudged ink
books with missing pages
some have been opened only once
some are too tedious to bother with
some have been forgotten in corners
some are constantly reread
and those ones always seem to be
the ones filled with pain and regret
for some reason they're irresistible
but they hurt to read
so why are those the ones
that are opened the most?
each mind is a library
each memory, a book
185 · Dec 2015
wish
oakley Dec 2015
i wished i was dead
i got my wish
i died
now, I want nothing more
than to feel
than to live
183 · Sep 2017
Untitled
oakley Sep 2017
When I'm with you I will always be warmer
Not just because you lend me your coat
As we wait for snow, we'll watch the sky together
But I'll sneak a glance at you and get a lump in my throat

Cause what's the point of cold if there's no snow?
And what's the point of staying now if eventually you'll go?

By next Christmas maybe I'll learn to live without you
But I swear to you you'll never be replaced
If we meet again, I hope we don't need to start over
I hope everything we've written down together isn't erased

Cause what's the point of memories that fade away?
What's the point of trying if I can't get you to stay?
183 · Apr 2016
pain is pain
oakley Apr 2016
i don't get it.
you care when i cry,
but never when i bleed.
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