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406 · Mar 2013
die than fail
Ashley Mar 2013
I don't know what to do
I need a certain score
To stay where I am

If that goes down
I go down
But what if I can't get back up?

What if this temporary fall
Ruins what I want to be
What I want to do

If I fall
I'll just be proving them right
People who think the worst

But what do I do?
I have no one to turn to
I feel so panicked

What can I do?
Talk to someone about it
How pressured I feel

I constantly feel like crying
The pain inside me
Makes me want to die

I know it's extreme
But it's how I feel, always
I'd rather die than fail
402 · Apr 2013
another, more, stop.
Ashley Apr 2013
Take another.
But it wasn't working.
Just take another.
But I feel terrible.
Take another.
This isn't working;
I don't like this.

Try another.
But I don't want to.
Just try another.
But the last one didn't work.
Try another.
These aren't working;
I hate this.

Try a few more.
But the last two didn't work.
Just try a few more.
But what will happen?
Try a few more.
The last didn't work;
How will these mix?

Stop taking those.
But I thought they were working.
Just stop taking those.
I thought they were helping!
Stop taking those.
I'm afraid to do this;
I want it do be done.
392 · Jun 2013
no work required
Ashley Jun 2013
I know I'm damaged,
don't remind me.
I'll never be whole
at least I don't think so.

To be whole
I'd have to forgive.
I don't know
If I'll ever be able to.

Forgive everything that has happened
Forgive everyone that has wronged me

I don't think I can
I want to
I want to try to let go
But when I think I'm past it
When I think I'm going to be okay
Something happens
and brings me
back.

I work
and work
and work
so hard to not fall
to not fall into depression
to not let myself fall
but it's hard.

When you've been depressed
most of your life
it's hard to not be.

It's easier to give in
easier than working to be happy
because I have to work to be happy
I have to work to feel joy.
I don't think
that's how it should be.

I know no one cares
whether I am happy or not
they ask
I lie
it's dropped.

No work required
when no one cares.
341 · Jun 2013
Showing the Sad
Ashley Jun 2013
I am afraid to show
how depressed I really am.
Because I know people don't believe.
Because I've lied for so long.
I don't need to try.

I know it won't work.
I know people won't believe.
That's unfortunate because it hurts.
It hurts because I'm alone.
It's not worth a try.
304 · Feb 2013
My Words
Ashley Feb 2013
My words
Are my everything
They make me
Nay they are me

You ignore what I say
You ignore who I am
What makes me
What I am

You simply
Read these words
Not feeling a thing
You ignore what I mean

How dare you
Take away
What I am
Who I am

By not listening
You stop knowing me
For at least the brief time
You don not know who I am

If you do not listen once
You probably don’t
Ever
Which is a shame

Because I try
To get you
To hear me
And know me

Through the words I say
I form who I am
What I am
Myself

Because
My words are my everything
My only thing
Me.
270 · Feb 2013
You and Me
Ashley Feb 2013
I'm me.
Who might you be?
Do we know each other?
Do you know me?
Do I know you?

Who are we?
People in the sea
of doubt and hope
love and hate
Who knows!

We are we
I am me
You are you
We don't know this
though

Because we are we
not you or I
we are not separate
but together
or so I think

Maybe we aren't we
maybe we could be
me and you
with others
not us

You are other
I am me
We aren't us
Or so I think
should I though?

I come to an end
But nothing is clearer
We are we
I am me
and you are you

— The End —