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May 2012 · 1.3k
For Rachel
Norman E Carey May 2012
All I wanted was to see a smile, to hear a word that didn’t hurt,
I’d go to sleep at night thinking about how different it could be,
How happy I’d be if I could only go through the world unafraid,
And in my vision I would have a friend who listened and who cared.

Every morning it’s the same.  I wake up knowing that they are waiting,
Putting on my clothes I try to make it so I’m invisible, a ghost—
That way no one will notice me walking down the hall,
No one will call me names and trip me, my books spilling on the floor.

Every day I have to live in this hell that others call life, waiting,
Knowing that each classroom brings its own special torture,
That each bell calls me to yet another soul lashing,
Another stinging name they’ve invented for me to keep the wound raw.

I did nothing except not knowing how to act or what to say or how to belong,
And so they took my shyness and used it to make sure I’d pay for my disdain,
Making me the target for all their own pain and anger, the crucible of their cruelty,
Each day spent inventing some new way to make me bleed tears.
That old singer is right—there is a meanness in this world.

They took from me everything I was, everything I wanted to be,
Finally, they managed to take away my reason for staying alive
So I went home and locked myself in the bedroom, made sure the rope was tight. . .
And put an end to the unendurable pain of belonging nowhere, with no one, ever.
Feb 2012 · 521
Old Friend
Norman E Carey Feb 2012
I saw you walking down the road the other day—You didn’t see me.
It gave me time to think about the slowness of your walk,
About the years that drifted by while each of us pursued our lives.
Your gray beard betrayed the years spent working, worrying,
Taking care of those you loved, taking all you had to fill their dreams,
And learning as we all do that nothing could save them from hurt
Or from themselves or from the toll that life would wreak on them.
I thought of the moments we shared, those precious hours holding life at bay,
Sharing if only for a time the hard-fought freedom from our daily cares.
How many times did we save each other from the burden of loneliness,
Talking or singing or simply sharing the silence of mutual understanding.
You stopped and saw me looking at you, and you nodded with a slight smile—
No need to talk or to indulge in some meaningless hearty hello.
You knew, too, that words or waves would have been too little, too insincere,
Letting that nod say everything that needed to be said between us.
Letting the years and the memories speak for you, a greeting we both understood,
And you walked on, the smile still playing almost imperceptibly on your face,
Acknowledging the truth of friendship, knowing that I too had no need for words.
Jan 2012 · 1.8k
The Railroad Track
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
On the other side of the pumpkin patch there lies a narrow path.
Just a dent in the woods it seems, until getting closer you can see
The ground worn smooth by those who know to use it.
A short, dimly lit way through the thick brush opens out
And suddenly you find yourself on the gravelly bank of a railroad track.

The track cuts a swath through the dense forest that leans over it
As if jealous of the ground taken from its midst.
In each direction the track finally loses itself in a tunnel of trees,
Curving out of sight to reach some distant and unknown end.

When the train comes through, robbing the woods of the solace of silence,
I wonder where it’s bound, and how long it will take to get there.
The rhythmic clacking of the wheels, the endless line of boxcars,
The power and speed of the thing arrogantly announces itself to all--
Blind to any purpose or direction other than its own inarticulate need.

As the trains moves out of sight, I look again at the empty track
And wonder about the choices I have made.
Jan 2012 · 566
The Change
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
The change shows soonest in the eyes,
Eyes that invited you to look at the world they saw—magical, raw, resplendent—
Now lost in the unfocused numbness of another day with alcohol.
They focus on a world of their own making, a limbo land not alive, not dead,
But free of all that could matter, free of caring, free of pain.

The mouth sags under those dead eyes, not angry, not sad, not anything—
Betraying the wreckage that the years of drinking have taken as their toll,
Clamped shut as if in mute appeal to those who can hear its silent message.
When the mouth opens, empty syllables escape, words devoid of meaning,
Trying to say, trying so hard to explain the emptiness inside, the need,
But nothing comes of nothing, and the words do not cohere.

Looking at her face, I grieve for what has been lost,
Wishing that some miracle would bring her back home, return her to us.
The truth will not let go: she is gone, and never coming back.
I search in vain for a face I used to know, for a love with nowhere to go,
Lost in the fog of her mind, she turns to me and nods as if in agreement.
Jan 2012 · 1.1k
The Oxford Lecture
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
And so, aherem, the nano, rrmpph rmphh
Of 21st century ahem thinking will be er
En, en aham eroom  neurological medicine
So that topsoil tch tch avat ahem growth
Will er er ahumph outstrip human thinking
If only aratonkamaroon we learn the
Hem, haw, ar argch lessons of the past.
Jan 2012 · 710
Question
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
A Barbie lies on the rug, limbs at impossible angles and missing a shoe.
Next to her, a truck with three wheels, a faery with only one wing, and a
Broken necklace announce the whimsical and ephemeral love of a four year-old.
The room shows a trail, meandering and disordered, the work of only a single day.
There will be ***** socks to wash, a tutu that was forgotten as soon as the dance was done,
A row of dishes smelling vaguely of rosemary, and a hapless doll left floating in a bowl of water.
The girl’s absence becomes all the more palpable because of what she left behind.
Is Truth a night spent studying the stars, listening to the secret whispered by the sound of waves,
Or is it the detritus of a child’s play waiting to be picked up and put away?
Jan 2012 · 1.0k
Da
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
Da
This poem would not let me write it.
For years it kept me looking elsewhere,
Kept me at bay with other, more seductive subjects.
Hiding in a corner of my mind in its invisible cocoon,
Slowly growing, transforming itself, evolving,
Until one day it announced its presence like Hamlet’s ghost,
Asking me to remember what I thought I never knew.
There is a secret that no soul will willingly share,
A hurt so deep we bury it alive and pretend it never lived.
What was it that crept out to pull me back, erasing the years—
A picture, a random thought, a boy shedding tears?
The poem now commands me, insisting on its need to be,
Refusing the excuses, rejecting my self-justifying fears--
That after all I will not be able to write the words,
Too weak or too afraid to make the thoughts a living thing.
The heart aches to find a way, to manage the voice,
To shape the words and sounds so they come out true.

Da, I wish you’d have let me know who you were,
I wish you’d have allowed me inside your life,
Your mind, at the end, was a sealed vault, locked,
And I would never, never know what you loved or
Why you lived your life, and what you thought of me.
We went fishing twice, together but somehow irrevocably alone,
After that, there were visits, the Christmas dinner, the tv.
What became of you and me?  Just before you died,
Lost in the fog of a morphine drip and numb to the pain of life,
You placed your hand on my head—and that was all.
It was enough, I think, to let me know what I needed to do.
Jan 2012 · 648
Haiku # 1
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
Susurrant crickets’

Mellifluous trill thrills me

Haunting summer night
Jan 2012 · 1.4k
A Swingset in the Yard
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
A swingset sits in the yard, starkly vacant, silent.
A chair is stationed only feet away—the watchpost of an anxious pepere.
Only days ago I sat there, watching the child of my old age
Swinging, hanging upside down, proving to me and herself that nothing could scare her.
“Watch me,” she commands, daring the gods to do their worst.
All she needs from me is the occasional tribute to her skill.
All I need from her is to bless me with her being.

She is gone now, and there is no help for it.
An empty swing, a useless chair, and the ache of loss.
The swing haunts me with her voice and I listen to it in my mind.
Dante got it wrong.
It isn’t the dead who abandon hope—
Hell is for the living.
Jan 2012 · 975
Spring in the Cemetery
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
During the long winter the town cemetery is chained off,
Two thick cables across each entrance to insure
That foolhardy drivers don’t attempt the hill that divides
The new from the old sections.
The upper half, the “New Cemetery” as it’s called,
Offers more level ground with polished graves,
As if “new” somehow made a difference to those resting there.
Anyone who knows the difference prefers the old, lower section,
With stones leaning this way and that
And inscriptions that are barely visible on some.
Old stones offer personality, truth be told--
Even the names seem more real: Caleb, Ezekiel, Matilda.

I think of them there through those cold gray months,
Blanketed in snow disturbed only by the occasional deer walking through.
I know it shouldn’t matter but I feel sad for them all
Forced to suffer through that blank desolation,
Denied the warmth of sun or the curious gaze of some passerby.
As if death weren’t bad enough, the white loneliness of snow
Drifting over their one last piece of property
Seems a cruel and unnecessary gesture on the part of the world they left.
As if to say, “You’re still mine to treat as I will, alive or dead.”

That’s why, when the weather turns and the cables come off
I make it a point to pass through each day on my way to work.
The snow, gone now, lets the earth breathe again,
And I can’t help but think that, with the trees about to sprout
And green grass just around the corner,
That life has its place here too, even among the dead,
And that I’m not the only one waiting for longer days and a warmer wind.
Norman E Carey Jan 2012
The warmth of a spring sun
Beckons people to the Square—
Some sit or lie on the grass,
Others choose the benches, watching—
Studying the tide of life come rolling in
And passing through, all with some purpose,
Somewhere they seem compelled to be.
Sometimes they pause as if for a moment
Divested of their direction, enjoying
The sense of teeming life reawakened,
Stirred by the sheer spectacle of it.
A pigeon struts his way toward a possible mate,
Puffing his feathers and cooing his love,
But ignored as she continues her search for food.
So it goes in our world too
Always the chase, always the aching need.
I can almost hear the bird’s lament—
“Why must I be alone?”
My eyes wander to a man
Sitting on a bench not far away.
He stares ahead at nothing, aware of nothing
Save the thoughts that seem to paralyze him,
Lost to the beauty and light and life
That offers itself to him if only he’d see.
His sadness seems to enfold him in its dark embrace.
Some hurts the world just cannot help,
Some wounds beyond her power to heal.

— The End —