I love full length mirrors
because I get to see
my body
all of it

I do not love my figure,
I do not love my face.
But when I find a full length mirror
I stare.

I Am God.

I Am God
over this pathetic,
mortal
flesh.

I Am God.

I can stretch
my arms
way over my head
watch my ribs peek through

Fragile, mortal bones.
I could break them
it would hurt.
But I could break them.

I Am God

I picture the lungs beneath
Black
Blackened
Because I Am God

Puff
Inhale
Ingest
Blacken, damage
Because I Am God.

I stroke my tummy
flat, muscled.
My thighs
round, soft, pliant
My Choice

Eat
Eat these fatty foods
watch the muscle
the muscle that made this body burn
watch it disappear
lose it in new rolls of fat

I Am God

I care not for this body's suffering.
Eat more cancer from this tin can.

I Am God

Inhale more cancer
from these cigarettes.

I Am God

Now crunch. Do 100. Now Run. Faster. Burn. Ache.

I Am A Merciful God.

I do not cut you
I do not make you bleed
But don't for a second
think I cannot
I could
and it would hurt

I Am God.

You, body, are my subject.
I will tear you, pierce you, to decorate you.
Ink you
and alter you
Because I Am God

You supple flesh, you have no say
I will use you
for my pleasure
I will starve you
for my appearance
I will burn you
under the sun
just to see
how many layers
I can peel
before this body
gives up
and is gone.

I Am God

I will inhale this cancer
Until my lungs start to rot

Because I Am God

and I will choose

How You Die.

See That Lady
On the corner Right There?
They would whisper as they walked by

She was married
they say
20 years ago

When She looks up
They go silent,
suddenly shy.

Once out of earshot
the story
gets told

About the Lady on the Corner
who was married
20 years ago

In the stories
They say
that She's crazy, insane!

****** or ******
or some disease
with no name

He didn't exist
Her imagination
ran wild

She was married
They say
20 years ago

He left for France
He said He'd
return

*He'd meet her on
The Corner
Right There

This is how
the story
would go

Every time
we walked by
The Lady who was married 20 years ago

In the stories
They say
that She's crazy, insane!

****** or ******
or some disease
with no name

But if He was real
and He didn't come back
and She waited on the corner until she got hooked on crack

and 20 years
passed
and he still hadn't come

If He was real
and He left
and forgot

Then Her heart
must be breaking
Her mind must have rot

From the ache
and the pain
But worse from hope and from love

This is
Humanity.
All hope is lost.

Eyes closed,
sunglasses on
and the brightness suddenly fades.
A cloud just passed beneath the sun,
trying to soak in the rays.
I know, I just know
I feel in my heart
that the cloud floated in from the right...
But how could that be
when the wind clearly blows
the other way
with all its might.
But somehow I know
as my eyes remain closed
that the little cloud fought and fought
And finally made
its own little path
and found its home in the sky.

"Darling are you intoxicated?"
only slightly, I'm fine.
I sway
But it's getting so hot in these clothes
I think I'll take them off

Although I am half naked anyway.
I never find reason to wear much
during the summer time.

You help me out
of my slightly damp
tank top
and my lacey black bra

brushing against my sensitivity
with your mouth
on the way down to the button
of my camo shorts.

Unbutton
Unzip
Unleash
more heat.

Don't hold me too close
I may melt in your arms.

I was eight,
My cousin was eighteen.
He called his mother Mom
"When will I be old enough,"
I asked
"to call my mama Mom?"

Mom seemed a privilege
to be earned with age.
Eight year olds had to say
"mama" or "mommy"

I experimented with Mom
such a deliciously Western term.
I addressed birthday cards to Mom
and mother's day cards to Mom

She didn't seem to mind
so I started calling mama Mom

But the novelty wore off
and I got sick of Mom and of mom
And I wanted nothing to do with mom
so I wouldn't even call her Mom

She was Alia.
I called her by her first name
because I resented Mom and mom for loving me.

I called her Alia
She called me Daughter
a forceful reminder of the umbilical cord.

Then I went away to university,
over the Atlantic Ocean
a 14 hour plane ride away.

And I wouldn't call at all.
I wouldn't call to call her "mama" or "mommy" or Mom or even Alia.

But she would call
And she would call me Daughter
or "habibti" or "my sunshine."

And I didn't want to hear it.
I was eighteen
and I didn't need Mom.

I was gone eight months
and I didn't miss Mom
I didn't miss the Middle East
I didn't want to be home

I think She hated me for a while.

Then I was back in Toronto
University got hard
And I got tired
And I couldn't sleep
And friends proved false
And I got fat.

So I called Alia
And she stayed on skype with me, singing
Arabic Nursery Rhymes
until she saw I was asleep

And Mom watched me sleep.

But "mommy"
kept the laptop on all night
In case I woke up scared
and needed to call out for her
from across the Atlantic.

And "mama"
is at home
waiting for me
with a hug

And I just want to go back
and do it over
so I could take back every day
that I didn't call her
mommy.

There was a flaw,
In this creation.
A little mistake,
If you will.
Who was it who decided
to place reason
and instinct
in one vessel,
in one being,
then decided
to surround it
by flesh?

It was a stupid idea.

You really don't understand the difference
between property and territory
do you?

When you buy yourself a nice plot of land
then won't allow anyone to grow their cabbages on your land
That's property.

When a dog takes a **** on a fire hydrant
and all the dogs know to keep the **** away
That's territory.

I never called you her property.
All I said
Is that she's ****** all over you
and now every ***** within a 20 mile radius knows to keep the **** away.