I have to make a change
or I'm going to fall
not that I haven't already started.
I focus hope on maybe it's not too late
but as days progress
I find different
The images in my head replay things I fear
things that reveal my hearts state
I question where I went astray
I access what I once thought I believed
not so very long ago
only not to realize there my heart still lies
or in my mind...
or something..
It's all becoming a trend
I wish I could love you right.
I wish I did
but the genie fades
and the pain resides
like it has once before.

What are friends but wisps of wind
temporarily affecting your direction?
Triggering chills or perspiration
quickly to recover
wind makes waves
moves dust
gently combs through my hair.

Haunting memories of weeks past
a glace away
dwells lives
crumbled and fading
of people once engaged
released by a turn of a key
by a force of life
temporarily parallel with mine.
Of love
of excitement
led astray.
Of forces less than breath
yet undeterred by past or future

From where does sin stem
but from being merely human?
From what effort does mere perfection achieve
if impossibility permanently lingers?
From what extent does forgiveness fall short
or God's grace not cover?
to find love in the arms of another
to search for answers
in the opinions of other lives
that besides now
have nothing to do with you.

I still yearn for you as if the seasons haven't changed.
As if the fire hadn't destroy all that was standing before.
Yet here I sit among the charred
Wishing you'd come back through.

Somewhere inside we are still connected
somehow I believe we always will be.
I love you and I don't see that ever going away.
I seek refuge but always seem to be anchored.
I found you in the tears and pain of a little girl.
Same place I found you before.
No matter what I find that cautions me to stay away,
cannot shake whatever I have inside me.
So I keep my distance with my heart hidden away somewhere with you.
I don't know how to get it back or if I ever want it returned
I do love you but somehow it's different
I don't crave you physically
I don't need you arms wrapped around me or that sense of safety I had felt.
I can do that on my own wrapped in the embrace of those who have always held me so close.
Somehow I had forgotten them
but I can't forget you.

You taught me to trust my dreams
now you haunt them
of death
sickness
pain
Is it all from you?