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720 · Sep 2016
detachment
gabby Sep 2016
i love him, i love him not.
i want him, but how much?
i find someone i adore.
i manage to make them believe i am attached,
                                    and then i                      

                                                                            let     go.

i become distant; *detached.
680 · Aug 2016
don't let them ruin this
gabby Aug 2016
friends come and go, my dear. and there'll be a thousand people you will call your friend, and then in one swift move realize that it was never real, and that they never really cared. but for every thousand of those friends, there will also be a hundred that you will see, were. that is why you cannot let the fakes ruin life for you, because otherwise, you will never discover those true friends.
545 · Aug 2016
respect my mental illness
gabby Aug 2016
and although many wish it were true, your sadness cannot be so easily taken away. memories of your past, all the hits and the blows, those marks will never leave you; they'll linger on your skin, and those kisses they placed on every sensitive spot on your body, will not just be forgotten. 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,' is most untrue, for those scars will always bring back a blast from the past, the way you lost your ability to walk will always be a memory, and the way daddy hurt you will never fade away from your mind, as you stare down at the place those bruises once were. perhaps you will grow from them, and realize how strong you truly are for living on, but don't tell anyone, especially not me, that you'll forget about it eventually, or that you'll be fine, or that this phase of sadness will pass, or that someone will come around and brighten things up, because lord knows that, that is not what i want to hear, and it's incredibly false. my sadness cannot just be cured by some guy, my father's words of hatred will not just be forgotten, i cannot just be fine with all that anxiety, and my paranoia is not just a 20 year phase.

so please, respect at least that.
509 · Aug 2016
your smile
gabby Aug 2016
i would swim all the oceans in this world
if it meant you would smile back at me again.
480 · Sep 2016
put distance between us
gabby Sep 2016
oh, believe me, i want friends.
i want love.
i want to live, but there's something inside me.
there's something in there.
it ruins all hopes,
               of me letting them in.
of course i love certain people: i love my brothers, my mother, my father.
i'd go to the ends of the earth for them,
take a bullet,
take a smack to the face.
it is others i cannot get close to.
i cannot bring my walls down.
i cannot let them be my friend for:
my mind senses all flaws,
my eyes observe the little things,
and my chest feels tighter,
i need to
             run,
                         run,
                                      away.
so i am sorry if i do this to you.
i am sorry if one day i am nice and happy and your friend,
but the next i am distant and cold.

i do not mean to.
i cannot help it.
i am trying, but it is hard.

i want you to get close,
and i wish i could let you.

i just cannot.
gabby Aug 2016
the heart gives meaning;
the soul, purpose,
the mind, direction.
411 · Aug 2016
in love with the city
gabby Aug 2016
i feel so free from up here.
i'm at the edge of the balcony, holding onto the railing, just looking out into the city, with the cool breeze brushing against my face and past me...
then oh so sweetly; i have this beautiful sight in front of me.
god, i love new york.
382 · Aug 2016
we fight the same wars
gabby Aug 2016
i can't help you fight your demons all the time,
when i'm still in a furious battle with my own.
380 · Aug 2016
love is something
gabby Aug 2016
love is something positively crazy.

love decides everything in this world. it doesn't have any conditions or boundaries. we don't know exactly what love is and where it comes from, but one thing is sure; we are nothing without love! there are times when we feel shy and timid, when we are afraid of expressing the love we feel. being afraid of embarrassing the other person or ourselves, we hesitate, procrastinate, and withdraw the will to say the actual words "i love you". one can say "i love you" in many different ways: by means of pleasant presents and little notes and letters full of kind words and a type of enchantment, wide smiles with hope and loyalty, and yes. sometimes even through tears.

sometimes we show our love when we are quiet and do not say a word, at the other times — we speak loud and freely to express it. sometimes we show our love by impulsiveness. while plenty of times we have to show our love when we forgive someone, regardless the damage they caused, regardless of them being what others call 'beyond repair'.
the problem with our world is that people don't learn to listen to one another. they hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words, and do not mind the expression on the face, even in front of us.
we have to listen to see love in and around us.
if we listen attentively we will...
348 · Aug 2016
any night at all.
gabby Aug 2016
everything seems beautiful from far away.
everything seems perfect at first glance.
everything feels just right the first time.
and everything could fall apart any night.

*any night at all.
344 · Aug 2016
your turn to talk
gabby Aug 2016
i tried so hard to make you feel like you could open up. i did it a lot with you, to see if it would make you feel more comfortable. i tried to showcase how nonjudgemental i was, how open minded i was, how willing i was to be friends with you again. maybe it just showed how stupid, and naïve, and pathetic i was. and maybe now you think i was never who you thought i was.

but i was always me. always. that's always been who i am. and this is also who i am. i take chances, i give people second chances, and. i wanted to spare another, but if i wake up in the morning, and i can't.

i cannot apologize for that.
gabby Aug 2016
well it happens slowly, like falling asleep. you meet someone, somewhere, doesn't matter exactly who or the details, but. they just peak your interest. you find yourself drawn to them, wanting to know them, even just at the sight of their being; the way they do their hair, the way they smell, the position they're standing, their smile, etc. and when you talk to them, it just so happens to be even better, and although you perhaps don't notice it at first, you soon discover, maybe in days, weeks, months, who knows... but you discover that they're different. special. from the way they talk about their perspective of life, to the way their face lights up when they're just rambling about something they're ever so passionate about, even to the way they tell you goodmorning/goodnight. you'll discover yourself excited to hear back from them, ecstatic when they text you back, overjoyed when you hear their voice, and your heart will throb as you see their face; it'll be like you're seeing them for the very first time, in an even better light, and your heart will beat faster, and your breath will be taken aback, and you will feel your hands getting clammy as you try to think of something really good to respond with, something to brighten their face again because oh, you cherish that smile, the way their nose crinkles up when they laugh, all the itty bitty things. you adore them wholeheartedly. and when you realize how mad you are for them, because at first you may not even think of it as love, you might just think you're acting normal, that need to talk to them all the time? that burning feeling inside when you see them meeting other people? the way you never wanna let go when their arms are wrapped around you, and you feel as if you just stepped onto cloud nine and are soaring high? then suddenly, it hits you. at some point in time, you finally get a wave of reality; you're in love. you have fallen into love, the deep, dark hole you will struggle to climb out of, and ****, you. you never meant for this to happen, you never meant to let yourself fall for those blue eyes, the way they complimented you all the time, the way she made you laugh, the way he got your sense of humour. everything they did, that you loved so much. you never meant for this to happen! you'll then find yourself worrying constantly: am i being obvious? are they flirting? am i being flirty? what if they already know? why aren't they replying fast like usual? i swear they're usually on at this time, what if they're ignoring me? come backkkkk, hurry up, yes, respond, thank you, finally! stop being so cute, ****. oh my goodness, you need to just stop, like right now. why am i smiling so much, agh. you get me too **** much. all of the above may or may not happen, at least a couple of them. you're in love, you're crushing hard, you can put it however you want... it's happening. and the universe can't wait forever for you to do something about it, cause you either act upon it, or you live with waiting too long, and watching them find another pair of eyes to fall for as well. you live with not knowing whether their feelings were the same. you live with that awful, painful stinging feeling in your chest as they walk away, with someone else's hand holding theirs. you live with having to hold back something from someone you never had to hold back anything from. or you tell them, you confess your feelings, and you deal with the fact that yes; the worse thing they could possibly say, is no, i don't feel the same way. and maybe it gets awkward, maybe it doesn't. maybe you cry for a whole week at night before you go to bed, maybe you can't even look at them the same. but you know what? what if you don't? what if they feel the same way, and they don't hold back, you get to hold them and call them yours and everything feels perfect. love is a guessing game. love is beyond your control. love is pain, and jealousy, and tears, but it is also, and most purely; butterflies, smiles, laughter, acceptance, genuine, and true.

love is love; an extraordinary experience.
325 · Aug 2016
not the same without him
gabby Aug 2016
and i miss the way he looked at me, the way he would run his fingers through my hair, the way he'd smile and laugh when i made a lame reference or joke, the way we'd dance even if there was no music, the way he could say a million words without saying anything at all, the way he could hold me and everything would just feel better and id feel so **** secure. and happy. oh god, i miss that happiness i had with him.

he wasn't just my lover, nor my best friend.

not just some guy.

he, was everything to me.

he was my world.

my universe.

my life.

the fire inside my soul, the one energizing the blood in my veins, who was fuelling the way i was.

who i was.

and without him; there's nothing.

it's just not the same.
322 · Jun 2016
my everything
gabby Jun 2016
;; he keeps me warm, he keeps me safe, he makes me happy, he makes me laugh again. i'll feel down, i'll feel lost, but that boy will always be the thought that comes across; he is my haven, from all the distress. he keeps me here, he keeps me there, he doesn't let my mind fly into a flurry. the thoughts don't overwhelm me, the feelings don't break me; because i have that boy to ground me.

he knows me, he loves me, he wants me. he is my everything.
gabby Aug 2016
i hate that i have these days where i just feel sick; constantly nauseous, with a fast heartbeat, in a being filled with anxiety and still not knowing why, when nothing you have done is different or scary, but there is still that feeling that just seems to never go away.
296 · Aug 2016
you don't miss him
gabby Aug 2016
you don't miss him, no. you miss the feeling; the feeling of just being loved. feelings fade, though, and believe me. it won't hurt so much some day. one day. maybe it'll sting every time you see him with someone new, but you'll be okay. you'll get through the day. you, too, will find somebody new, and they will fulfill that want. that need for love.
*to just be loved.
295 · Aug 2016
if the shoe fits
gabby Aug 2016
life is like a pair of sneakers; you have the people who'll help you when you're down, tying up your shoes, and you have the people who will endlessly step on your laces, without a single word. keep your shoes tied, knotted a thousand times and you'll be walled off from either people. some don't even like sneakers, and prefer sandals; the easy way through life, the breezy, get stepped all over life. others prefer boots; hardened, protected, and determined to not be pushed around. the beings with the heels; they're high on their pedestals, they know what they want, they're confident, even if it's just for that one day.. everyone has their own special pair of shoes; we don't stick to just one, though, do we? phases of life, feet growing, fads. and we find people with just the same shoe taste, or perhaps just the opposite.

whatever the shoe be... *as long as it fits.
gabby Aug 2016
the city had been a sight for sore eyes, since the day he had entered it. even before, the dreams he'd always had of it, were more than enough to keep his goals for it alive. the vivid images of him walking the streets every day, crossing them with crowds of people. the thoughts of him going to coffee with the one he loved, and enjoying nights out with a few of his friends. the busy noise he would hear just outside his dorm windows, and the adrenaline he would feel as he rushed down the halls to his next class, knowing he was probably late and the teacher would give him a glare.

the boy longed for it all, for so long and at last.

he had every single bit of it.

the city, was his.
261 · Aug 2016
i'm trying
gabby Aug 2016
but so many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but i'm just surviving. and i may be weak, but i'm never defeated. and i'll keep believing in clouds with that sweet silver lining.
249 · Aug 2016
the sparks between us
gabby Aug 2016
you're that one perfect person who's hand seems to fit inmine, like puzzle pieces made just for each other, and i feel as if i am the luckiest person in the entire world. that's because i am, because through all the people in the world, our eyes managed to lock onto each other's, and the sparks flew.
248 · Aug 2016
what i want
gabby Aug 2016
maybe i don't know you at all, but ****. every part of me wants to. i want to know all the itty bits of you, the things that piece you together. i want to know your favourite colour, your worst nightmares, your wildest dreams. i want to know what keeps you up at night, what song you'll leap for at the sight of a karaoke machine, and about the time you broke your arm at just thirteen. i want to know you on your good days, your bad days, and everything in between. and i know it can be hard, i know it's hard to trust people, but i am willing to wait. i'm willing to wait for you to let me in, because you, my darling, are worth it. you're worth the heartache, and the times i have to push back when you try to distance yourself from me, and you're worth the nights you call me and wake me up because you need someone to just ramble to. your worth is undeniably large, and that says a lot, because i wouldn't do this for simply anyone. you're special. in my mind, you are. you're an extraordinary human being full of talent and wonder and yes, flaws, but you are perfect in my vision, you; you're you. and that is everything to me.
240 · Aug 2016
siblings
gabby Aug 2016
i could never let anything happen to my brother, because even if we disagree on everything else; he is the one person who has always been there for me no matter what, and i wish to do the same.
231 · Aug 2016
g u a r d i a n a n g e l s
gabby Aug 2016
and maybe guardian angels are real. maybe they're just hidden within ordinary people. people you call your brother, your sister, your best friends, and maybe even your partners. maybe they haven't even been discovered yet. maybe the magic they have, is the joy they bring. the way they can get you to smile in the easiest of ways, the way they sense your pain, the way they're there for you regardless of the distance you may feel between you, and them. they protect you as much as they can from the world, they keep you close, they keep you safe— at least they try to, and you know they do. they're sincere, and genuine, and they don't give you lies, you know they don't. and as modest as they may be, they know they're worth something. to themselves, to you, and to the world. though the world may have even been ******* them for it, they've been strong for you, even while giving you their strength, and being your rock.

they are not perfect. as angelic as they may be, may seem. everyone has darkness cast upon them, even the one you'd never believe. illnesses, both mental and physical, have taken a toll on this world and they can get the best of us. that's why we have those special people. that's why they have us, for guardian angels don't work alone. i don't believe that. no, because each and every one of us is a guardian angel, for others, and not just one. we all brighten people's day, we all help other's in some way, even if we aren't aware of it.

we are all made of that magic, and carry that extraordinary power.

and we all work together.

we take care of each other, for we are all of the same blood.

guardian angels we are.
222 · Aug 2016
z o m b i e
gabby Aug 2016
a zombie i am, walking through the light of day without a worry or care, of what other people think cause i'll just eat all their thoughts;
*their brains.
218 · Aug 2016
t h e t r u t h .
gabby Aug 2016
i'll never stop wanting to look out for you. not even if we don't talk anymore, not even if we aren't friends anymore, not even if you hate me, not even if you had insulted me or betrayed me in the worst way possible. you could **** me, and i would still think; only the best for you. say what you will, but my care is forever. if my heart gets attached to you, it will remain there, because if i let you in. if i shared my thoughts and my feelings. you must have been one special human, and i will always have your back, i will always be there for you, i will always want your happiness, i will always want to know you are okay, and safe. i will always just care, a whole awful lot. and i could deny it, but there's never been any point in that.

so just know; *i care.
most recent one
217 · Aug 2016
be prepared
gabby Aug 2016
make sure you're making the right choices, people, because when it comes to the last moment, with your life flashing before your eyes;
*you don't want to have any regrets.
216 · Aug 2016
unfortunately
gabby Aug 2016
even the happiest of people, can get swamped down a hole of dismay.
*it's just a little harder.
215 · Aug 2016
young love
gabby Aug 2016
have you ever met someone, and they're so ******* perfect in every way. maybe they aren't perfect to everybody, but to you they're just absolutely amazing. the way they laugh, and smile, and talk, and think, and look, and just everything about them, and everything they do just keeps amazing you.

have you ever met someone like that?
213 · Aug 2016
unexpected happenings
gabby Aug 2016
life is full of unexpected happenings; sometimes it'll throw storms at you, and some days it'll fill your week with sunny days, and a slight breeze. that's why you have certain people in your life; while one will comfort you, make you feel at ease, another may bring you back down to earth, let you put together the pieces. some people are lucky enough to have one person, who can do all of that. some people aren't lucky at all, and find themselves in the company of individuals, not fitting any of the criterias, period. but you work with what life gives you, and you work through tough times, and no matter how lucky or unlucky you are; you get what you've been destined to get. you just gotta believe in it.
211 · Aug 2016
assumptions
gabby Aug 2016
it's funny how many assumptions one can make, simply by looking at a person—it's the reason so many stereotypes were created throughout time i suppose. people figured one or two things about an individual, could configure an entire category for certain humans, but the reality is; that's not possible, for every single one is different in particular ways. and that is why stereotypes and labels, all that *******? that's why i say that they are society's way of expressing how lazy it is, to not take the time to know one another, and rather generalizing inaccurately. it's a sad thing, really.

but you cannot judge a book by it's cover, you must discover the first chapter to recognize it's true gems, that could lead up to a whole cavern of jewels.
204 · Aug 2016
those eyes
gabby Aug 2016
and he's got the darkest pair of eyes i've ever known, but they speak to me in ways no one else ever had. they're full of mystery and mischief. passion and a sense of sincerity. when i stare into those eyes, i don't have to worry anymore, because those eyes are with me forever. i know i won't be so lonely. they look at me all the time. they admire my essence, my body, my mind. they admire the way i tend to get lost in time, but they don't judge me; they never have. yet the best part about them; i trust those eyes with everything; with my life, my heart, my soul, my being. i've never known how to fully trust another. i've always been naive, yes. i've always been too open, yes, but these pair of eyes, know more about me than i've ever cared to share before. i love those eyes.
202 · Aug 2016
beauty
gabby Aug 2016
let your love flow to where the beautiful things are,
and something beautiful will always come your way.
201 · Aug 2016
drunk but in love
gabby Aug 2016
press your lips against my skin, baby. i'm dying for your touch, your kiss, where do i begin? everything's a blur, i need a hit, baby give me it... you're dangerous, i'm loving it. so come on over here my dear, grab my *** and pull me close, don't you ever let go. i want your mysterious eyes piercing into mine; just look at me, adrenalize me. so even if it's for the night, i wanna find your warm body right next to mine, in the morning... i wanna keep the memory of us, hot and heavy.
199 · Aug 2016
gabby Aug 2016
stop ******* with my emotions.
195 · Aug 2016
there's a difference
gabby Aug 2016
i don't love you. i'm in love with you, and sometimes people don't really even get the difference, but think of it this way; for a while and forever, are quite different things. one promises an always, while the other promises you a part in time.
194 · Aug 2016
i promised you this
gabby Aug 2016
i promise i am worthy to hold in your arms, to kiss goodnight because i'll still be there. for every mile you walk, i'll be the one you fall back on when you get tired, and i'll love you, i'll care for you, i'll risk it all for you, because there's no one out there i'd want to do this for, more than you.
193 · Aug 2016
unwanted
gabby Aug 2016
where the wild things roam, we find ourselves in. we dream of the places we've never even been, and we hope for things that may never come,
but most of all; we want the ones who don't return the same love.
193 · Aug 2016
trick of the light
gabby Aug 2016
i thought we were friends, close ones at that, but i suppose it was just a trick of the light.

i just hope you know that you're not the only one seeing things differently; cause i could never look at you the same.
193 · Aug 2016
lonesome
gabby Aug 2016
for he was what people called glorious, in all that he had done. in every century he had fought and survived, nothing less and nothing more, but he had done it all with grace. he lived through every day, what not many could do with ease. the man explored the world, ventured into cities, drank with all sorts of individuals, young and old, and he had tasted the finest wine, and slept in the most luxurious of places. but what had he been missing then, that made his soul feel so empty and weak? he had the world at his feet—but there was no love in his life, nothing true and deep, as the one he had now. for of course, you may have the world, the universe, the galaxy, but without love of some kind?

*you are nothing but lonely.
192 · Jun 2016
manipulation
gabby Jun 2016
all along you had me thinking
that without you i would die,
but it was you the whole time,
that couldn't live without me
by your side.
190 · Jun 2016
caring too much
gabby Jun 2016
;; and it is in that very moment, that i wished i could hate him. i wished i didn't have to feel so helpless, so pathetic. why does one long for someone who doesn't long for them in return? why does one miss another, want another, who never cared for them from the beginning? and why does one fall right back into a person's arms, regardless of all the harm they placed upon their heart?

and why is it that lovers and friends alike can break hearts just the same?

why is that so?
190 · Aug 2016
pick a door
gabby Aug 2016
life is full of doors, full of twists and turns. while one person's door may entrance you in a world of adventure and great joy, another's might burden you with lost happiness and broken promises.
i beg that you choose the right one; for they're both in the same hall, and even demons wear a friendly smile.
190 · Aug 2016
why don't they stay?
gabby Aug 2016
leaves are always falling down from the trees, straying from the branches, but i never thought that you would leave me. i may have thought plenty of others would, but you- you caught me by surprise. i didn't expect your departure. i didn't expect you to just walk out the door, without a word. it was like you wanted to, like you always did, deep down inside, and i had just given you the means to escape. escape from what? my love? my care? maybe it was too much for you. maybe i was in, and you were out there, far, far out there, and it was all simply an illusion that you wanted me. that you wanted this. i suppose in that way, i'm just a sapling. i believed you were going to stay with me forever, through even the coldest of the seasons. all the eldest of trees told me you wouldn't, but i believed, for once more in my life. and i was let down, yet again.

i guess i'll have to get used to this continuous torment, until i find the ones that do stay.

i just hope it's soon. i've never hoped so much for anything.

i just want somebody to stay.
189 · Aug 2016
control
gabby Aug 2016
and i'd pick you over me any day of the week, but someone once told me that your actions are your own; so if you're going to do something, i can't stop you, i dont have control over you; you do.
and i will control myself, because that's all i have control over, and all i need to know at this very second.
so right now, i choose me.
185 · Aug 2016
he's in it for the drama
gabby Aug 2016
don't make a big fuss out of what you don't know,
cause if you really ever cared for me,
you would just
*let me go.
185 · Aug 2016
the pills
gabby Aug 2016
waiting for the day when you'll pop the question, maybe i've popped the pills and i'm going crazy, talkin' this nonsense from inside my head, is this a dream? am i actually just dead? my mind is erased every memory gone, but the one of your face, and those three darling words, i took so seriously, 'i love you, i will always', but there wasn't really a forever... was there?
184 · Aug 2016
that's okay.
gabby Aug 2016
and there are a million things i wish i could hear you say,
but i won't, because you don't feel the same way anymore.
*that's okay.
184 · Aug 2016
effortless
gabby Aug 2016
he knows i'd wait forever for him; my love is patient and kind.
but when he types i miss you a thousand times, i start to think twice.
182 · Aug 2016
the way things could go
gabby Aug 2016
it's funny how easy friendships can change. how simple it is for what once felt so comfortable and fun, can shift into awkward and... different. things are different. that's because there's always two different ways things could go, when it comes to friends splitting apart; one is for things to go well, yeah sure, things are odd at first but we can easily slip right back into our usual habits of talking about the latest music, the newest movie, the next project our favourites are working on. it feels like there had never been a time where we had really been apart, it feels like we are still connected, and we're okay. we're amazing. that's when you know that the breaks of talking, have only made your friendship stronger. unfortunately the other way for things to go, is the not so great way. of course you still care for one another, you told them all your secrets, shared all your fears with them—but somehow you regret it, because now all of a sudden; your friendship isn't the same. you aren't connected, the days of endless conversations are over, because you can't find the feeling you felt before. that cozy, ***** feeling, and you won't be sure if it's just you, until you ask. if it is just you, maybe you've got a chance. you both just have to work on your connection again, and perhaps things'll turn out for the best, but if you're not willing to repair that friendship, after telling them how you missed them so, and want it back... your friendship is going to drift apart slowly once again. and there's going to be no turning back. the waves have already sunk the line, that held your two pieces together; now it's split. so save your other piece from going too far, before there's nothing left to save.
179 · Aug 2016
well it happened
gabby Aug 2016
i'd never felt that kind of love; the one
where it consumes you and makes you feel whole.
i never felt that, until i met you.
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