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Nolan Bucsis Nov 2017
L
I'd like to say it hurts.
This waste.
That I am.

This feeble disappointment.
When I coulda been.
Something better.
Than absent.
Apathetic.

Regretting.
The overdoses.
Never crossed that cusp.
Into darkness.
Into unfathomable.
Depressions.
Struggling to breathe.
Suffocated on sedated solutions

Gone.
Too far to come back.
Past rapid eye movement.
Into a dilapidated.
Sunken flesh.
Make up on a corpse.

I'd like to hope.
I'll be.
There.
In Elysium's dream.
Of something more.
Than decomposing.
Brown oxidized blood stains.
******* myself.
Pale, dead.
Eyes.

Blunted ambitions.
Neurotic.
Dysfunction.
Nolan Bucsis Nov 2017
I want to sleep.
Through my.
Tomorrows.

Waking up in a yesterday.
That was never there.
Some kinda nostalgia.
I have.
With drug addiction.
And violence.
Nolan Bucsis Nov 2017
M
Cigarettes never burn.
Enough.
So I rip off the skin.
And, throw in some salt.

Cauterized.
Sterile.

As some hippy.
Tries to talk to me.
And, all I want to do.
Is explode.

Into nothingness.
Despair.
Fear.
Trembling.
Nolan Bucsis Nov 2017
K
I'm obsessively repeating it in my head.
The regret.
The shame.
The urge to die.

When I think of all the things.
I just.
Didn't do.

Wasting my life for nothing.
Conversations reduce.
To a few grunts.
Nolan Bucsis Nov 2017
I can't keep going on like this.
Shambling through life.
With nothing to show.
But an aging face.
And ash coating my hands
Nolan Bucsis Nov 2017
I'm absent from my life.
A phantom that only.
Exists in cyberspace.

Constantly on the cusp of finding.
Some new solution.
To old problems.

But, never pulling through.
I don't succeed.
I just keep on.
Keeping on.
Nolan Bucsis Nov 2017
This frozen moment.
In a dilapidated something.
Through the foggy haze.
Of whatever I'm currently on.

I can see.

My life.

What a waste.

It's become.
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