Father’s Day pt1

You gave me $1,000
When I turned 18
That’s my first memory of you
But can $1,000 answer
All these questions I have?

Can $1,000
Buy all the memories we never had?
Can it buy learning to ride a bike,
Or my first razor,
My first kiss,
Can it?

Can $1,000 buy time,
Learning new things,
Learning to fish or to build,
Can it buy time spent,
Watching movies or building LEGOs,
Can it?

Can it buy watching me perform,
Watching me win
Or comfort for when I fail
No, it can’t

Back and forth
I dance with the idea
Of forgiveness

Is there anything
For you to be forgiven of?
Is it your fault,
That sometimes I blame myself?
But it was you who wasn’t there
It was you who didn’t care

But who can I trust
When I’ve only heard one side
I don’t have the courage
To look you in the eye
And ask the questions
That linger in my mind

Maybe one day
I can know who you are
And hopefully
You’re not who you were

I want to love you
I want someone to call dad
I want to drop this weight
So so bad,
I want to know you
I want you to know me
I want to forget
Everything

I want to know,
Do you love me?

I hate when mom says
“Oh you look like him”
So I cut my hair short,
I hate when mom says
“Oh you act like him”
So I cut the act short,

Would my life be different
If you were in it?
Would I make you proud?
If you were around?

Could I be more popular in school,
Would we go on summer vacations?
Would I have worked harder
Or would I stay complacent

Would you drink with me,
On my 21st?
Would you help me blow out candles,
On my 1st?

What can I call you
The stranger that I know
Or the father that I don’t?

Red is
The color of passion, love but never hate,
With you I never feel blue

Orange like a fire,
You warm me up inside,
You push away the darkness,
That clouds my mind

You shine like the yellow sun,
And brighten up my days,
Your beauty is blinding,
You help me find my way

Green can sometimes be dull,
But you make me appreciate
The world in its fullest

Without you, my eyes turn blue,
All I think of
Are memories of me and you

Indigo indigo indigo,
Where will you and me go?
I want to grow old with you
And have a kid or two

I view you as royalty, Violet
I’ll treat you like the Queen you are
Together we can raise a prince or princess
My love for you knows no bound

You bring color to my world,
A beautiful rainbow in my storm
I can’t think of life without,
Just how much I love you.

You cover the ground in a soft blanket,
And stretch our pockets thin,
You sway in the breeze,
And tempt us to throw you to the wind

Your food filters out our bodies,
And fills our hearts with greed,
Unbelievably undeniable,
With you we’re never free

A simple spell you cast on us,
Motivation, dedication,
Success; you pretend to be
Higher and higher we dance with you,
Until we no longer see

What’s important?
Happiness?
Or the color green?

Like the sunrise,
Hiding behind that black curtain,
You wake up,
And bring color and warmth to my world

I follow you across the sky,
And daydream about what could be mine,
I chase after the memories of you,
And before long the sky is no longer blue

Keep me warm through the winter,
So I don’t waste my time with logs,
With the hot fire that I labor over,
That hot fire that reminds me of you,
Which only lasts the night,

Bring me hope in Spring,
So that I don’t have to worry about a thing,
So that I can rest easy at night,
And have birds songs wake me up
When you pull back that black curtain

Summer love