i scroll through
the symptoms;
the signs once more
finally screen-shotting them
only so i do not have to keep
looking and re-looking
them up

i rummage through the very
personal box of writings
hidden under my bed
i find the paper
with the heading of:
How I See Me, How I Am
following the undepthed title
is a list of short, spiked written words,
words that, all though so very short, mean so much
and ache even worse

down to the bottom of the list my finger skims
my eyes scattered throughout the words
and my tears scarring the paper
finally at the the bottom
i grab the pen and finish the list
with one simple word

depressed

(a.b)

the sun;
it rises
it lowers
and it has it's light stolen
from the moon.
of all of them
you'd never think it
to be
the moon
to do such a thing.
steal ones light
and takes it's fame
fore with the moon comes
sadness and there is more
sadness than there is joy.

(a.b)

the moment i met you,
i just knew
we'd be much more
than acquaintances.
but from what id gathered,
i still had much in store.

the meeting of you
has changed my life
in the most dramatic point of view.

it seems,
still to this day,
that there was no middle man.
we went from strangers to best friends.
not a moment dull or grey.

but what still shocks me to have known
is that from then to now,
we have grown.
dont ask me how
for i never thought it possible
to have someone so close.
yet we seem to blow my
previous theories and thoughts away
each passing day.

(a.b)

sometimes
i just feel like
the only way they'll
see me
is if my skin is stained red.

(a.b)

here i sit
writing to you, my friend,
with my wrist slit.

ive finally done the deed
and a goodbye
is in much of need.

i didnt want to go
without a single goodbye
but i sat and pondered
as to who i should write to.

with the blood gushing
and thoughts slowing
your name came to mind
so now im writng and rushing.

i only have moments left
not that youd care
for you stole my heart in theft.

you had no intentions to give
it back without any wounds
so here i sit not wanting to live.

goodbye my old friend.

- a. m. b.

i discovered my definition of love
much the way ben franklin did electricity;
it hit something so far up and it nearly killed me,
yet it was so bright and brilliant.

(a.b)

i try so hard
to be as good to you
as you are to me
or how she is to you.
but its as if you are the ocean
and i live upon all the other creatures
you fulfill all my needs and keep me going
but there is nothing i can do in return.
where as she is the sky
who supplies you with your
beautiful blue hue.

(a.b)

craziness is the best way to describe it.

its like the building block for the upcoming dreadful emotions.

its as if your imagination knows something your heart and mind dont.

like its always a few steps or actions ahead from the rest of you.

you can hear voices from all different paths and you know one of those paths will lead you out of that before stage and back to the happyness but you also know the others will only pitchen in color and theyll close you in and there is no turning back to make the right choice.

but the part that is the craziest is i hear you voice louder then the rest.

its as if im going crazy.

it really is.

with the devils and demons and monsters pulling at the threads that hold me together trying to find that last strand.

but its almost as if someone or something is holding onto that last strand.

saving that last strand.

(a.b)

hello?*
you promised me
you promised that youd be
everything i could ever need
but where are you now
now that im really scared
and i need you more then ever
i think that ive killed myself.

- a. m. b.