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Nisha Jun 2022
the days have become more of a drag,
I find myself disconnected from those around me,
unable to form bonds that should be everlasting.

I cry when I can,
Or when my heart allows me to,
yet there still tends to be pain that follows when the tears subside, there seems to be no other way in which to relieve the heartache I am feeling, than through sleeping when there's still daylight out because my mind and my soul become restless as the sun comes down and the moon rises

This is when the darkness takes over and it becomes less appealing to find beauty through the mess of sorrow that remains scattered throughout my heart

I will not allow others to see the painful sides of me that have been buried deep in the foregoing life I have lived and will continue to live
Nisha Dec 2018
I feel as if I don't know where
I am and the most scary part
is I think I lost who I am

instead I have to ask
the people around me what I admire
and what I despise

I've tried to make myself into an anecdote
the world needs more of and
I've become the girl who is more
focused on helping her friends
and strangers
than helping herself

and when it really matters
and when I'm hurting
and when I'm crying
and when I'm down

all I want to do is
hide the
pain
P.S.
It never works to pretend you're happy
Nisha Dec 2018
A word well known
to her soul,
mind,
and body

As she walked
through the city streets
she saw that even though
it looked enticing
and peaceful

She knew the secrets
that were hidden behind
the walls of each and
every home

The ones she knew
like the freckles on her face
hurt the most

They were the ones that came
from behind her walls
the ones no one else
knows

She looks so peaceful
and confident
but don't let the outside
distract you from
what may be on the inside
Nisha Sep 2018
I would wait
a thousand
years just to hear
you tell me why you left

just to you hear you
say I love you

just to see you
turn back in time
and take care of me

just to watch you
cry at my funeral

just to know
you love me

just to understand
why you didn't
want me

just to know
the million reasons
why you couldn't love me...
It's been 15 years and 255 days, dad i'm still wondering...
Nisha Sep 2018
The people
  around me
      the ones who
        surround me
            
Are also the ones
    who left me behind
        on my own to bear
           the vastness of this
             big trench called pain

Assumption can lead to
    Extremely difficult roads
        It often leads to a large path
           Full of emptiness trying to find
              Ourselves on our own

Not wanting to reach out
   Because of the fear the people
         We LOVE may HURT us by
              Silently judging the mistakes
                 We are continuously making
It's absolutely excruciating when the people you love are the ones who bring you crashing down with them and end up hurting you more than the ones who have disappointed you before you had the chance to love them...
Nisha Sep 2018
Left alone by the people
I love because
they assume
its what I want

See they think but don't ask
they assume but rather leave me be
when they could be helping me
instead of watching me cry...

im trapped in my own disastrous head
running on a treadmill of worry and regret
Nisha Sep 2018
Lies I tell myself
so that I can
pretend I
know who I am

I'm tired of
not knowing who
I am

Lying awake creating
scenarios in which
I know exactly
who I am

Having dreams where
I don't have to
question
what I love
and hate

Who I wanna
be and who
I want to
leave behind

Creating a life
in which I
know what
happens
next

not afraid
of the
uncertainty
tomorrow
holds for
us

Not having
self confidence
issues in which
I feel happy
and free

Able to love myself
without needing
acceptance from
the people
around me

So goody bye lies
its time I let go
of the toxic
food you've
fed me for
far too
long
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