if you cannot see me,

look to the moon

for it is there I wait

for you, in bloom.

Time is merely a nonexistent concept
when your dark Oak wood eyes kiss
mine — and it is then that my skin
unravels itself as I become lost
in the inebriating feel of your presence —
intricacy makes up your delicate touch
and I have never felt such pristine and
tepid skin — my fearful soul has been
unhinged and you have inhabited my
hollow heart — I am not afraid and my
hope has been replenished —
promises of eternity have been planted
as you float in my crimson bloodstream
claiming ownership of every cell that creates
my being — these signs of possible love from
you permit my mind to wonder if it is enough
to profess my own love for you — one could
certainly be mistaken, though, given your
natural deceiving tendencies — perhaps I
am the moon you become desirous for
when the sun fails to rise in the deepest
craters of your mind — I will without hesitance
conquer your soul the way you have with
mine — and fear will run aggressively off
the cliff never to be seen again — and
our ardent love will lace itself between
every star that comforts the moon above
our bed as we find each others soothing
touch — and it is then that we both will
disintegrate into the wind — watering the
promise of eternity.

I wished upon the
moon- and there we were finding
love beneath the sheets.

In your heart I know I had died.
My heart was young and so it cried.
I begged for the truth, but love lied;
we will collide, we will collide.

Distance severed our naïve bond;
Persistence stayed and I grew fond.
The seasons changed, still no respond;
hole of despond, hole of despond.

But now my heart is wise, dear friend,
and now my bell jar can ascend.
‘Twas my young self I did transcend;
you will befriend, you will befriend.

If we shall meet in brighter skies
fearlessly greet me with pure eyes.
In that time exists no demise;
don’t say goodbye, don’t say goodbye.

My humdrum life grabs me by the hand
as if to say
"I am here to stay".
If that shall be my destiny,
defiance will accompany me.

Salty eyes — cry, cry.
Fearful mind — where have I been?
Save me from this night…

an infinite sea
has carelessly placed itself
between you and me.

How can I simplify these
ineffable words
imprisoned in my heart?

How can I gift wrap these
profound emotions
and place them your hands?

How can I find the valor
in my brittle spine
to tell you that I crave you
(want you; need you)?

How can I keep the image of
my mundane face
in your eccentric mind?

How will I know that when I return
I will be able to drown
in the entirety of your existence?

I need to know that what I feel
isn't simply for naught.
I’m reaching for one last glance
(touch; kiss).

I will be waiting (for you)
to unravel this uncertainty
and have what life so remorselessly
threw at me in the smallest of quantities.

darling, wait for me.

Our souls are clouds
of blushing red smoke
dancing together
beneath the pale moonlight;
but our bodies are so far apart,
it is as if a sea lies between us.
Dearest, I am greatly envious
of my blissful Soul.
*It is laughing,
telling secrets,
smiling,
talking,
kissing,
dancing
and resting
with you
(and I am here alone)

intimacy is
my skin being caressed by
your amorous hands;

fluttering your lips
across my own, trailing down
to my collarbones;

darling, galvanize
me with your electric touch.
I long for you to

eradicate my
inhibitions stemmed from fear;
kiss me where it counts.

(show me what it really means to live)

Hello silhouette,
You've found my dear beloved.
“I have been waiting”.

In the fragments of my kaleidoscopic words I mentioned to you in dull letters that I loved you.
Bubbling between the silence of fear and curiosity was the frigid wind.
A leaf passes in the rose scented air.
Could that have been the moment?
Could that have been the ride?
I love you
Words never spoken.
Always
Felt.

How is it that I can taste the certainty of what is utterly uncertain?
My tongue weighs heavily in my swollen mouth.
The words vibrate against my teeth, but
Never
Making
It out.

You smell of sweet wine and fresh mountains.
A mountain is what you are.
My climb is perpetual.
The fall is fatal.
Fatality-
mmm.
Such a lovely word if I am falling with you.
together we will fall.

Your presence is embedded upon the blank canvas I will soon
Annihilate with colors of
Insanity
and
Ardent love.  
Find me?
Obliterate my entire being with your
Destructive desire.
Perpetually my words linger on fragile paper capturing your
Crimson existence.
Ingest my words.
Perceive the message.
Find me.

I impetuously dived
into half open hands;
unaware of their frailty
but
entirely aware of the
uncertainty.
I struggled out of
the compulsion
but the dominance
of emotion
(illusion)
rendered me an
imprisoned fool.
In this vacant space
of
unfulfilled desire
waits my fragile *****,
but the shadows of fate
have conspired
against me.
Is it not my destiny
to shred my inadequacy
and have what I desire most?
In a state of mild lunacy
I try to regain my sanity-
fighting for a breath of air
to direct me to sincerity.
What frightens me most is
my adoration of
this affliction
caused by radiating
anticipation.
But I wait,
and I wait
and
I
w  a    i      t.

The art of hopefulness
is a beautiful thing.
I only long to be felt;
experienced;
not merely seen.

Some days I lie awake and let the earth clothe me in its fresh scents of nature.

Sometimes it reminds me of you —

how your eyes changed colors like the leaves on a tree

during the change of a season —

I always knew when Winter’s blizzards were freezing your heart solid cold

leaving your eyes black and empty —

when Summer’s heat exhausted your ability to be truthful, but I saw the trails of honesty that your sweat droplets left behind as they cried down your dry skin —

even when Spring’s flowers bloomed so delicately out of your veins and filled me with your illustrious scent and made love with mine —

fall came along and spilled eloquent poetry out of your mouth and whispered me to sleep with the susurrus sound of your voice, like that of the rustling leaves on a tree. .

You are nature.

You are everything.

I cannot escape you, love.

Even

Annihilation
Of life’s existence cannot
Prevent my wait for

You.

Tell me you will find me.
Will you look to the ruler of all lovers
(The pearly moon)
And ask her to point you the way?
Will you remember my face?
I left a message for you in the stars
And the constellation is exactly that of
The constellation that’s scattered within my freckles.
Underneath each, there lied a memory that couldn’t be forgotten.

Time is a violent wave when letting go is essential,
But you must realize that the bond that once seemed
Inseverable has been severed.
To what are you perpetually holding on to?
What in the space of shadows is compelling you to stay?
Do not let illusion consume you.

I’ll always remember the song that was sung to me from the ocean-
The ocean in your veins.
Will you remember mine, or will I be merely a leaf
blowing past you in the wind,
never to be seen again?

As you crawled out through
the tiny space left of what
could not ever be,

The curvature of
your spine whispered to me a
delicate good-bye;

A good-bye that not
even your gentle mouth could
speak into my eyes.

Hello my dearest love,
The moon fell upon my hair and reflected off a light
only visible by You.
If in this life the light fails to reach the center of your
black velvet pupils
remember that my wait is perpetual, my darling.
I have no doubt that you will come.
Fly to me when our incorporeal selves are liberated in a
world of warm snow
and cotton stars
and emphatic love.
I love you.

I’ll defy the laws
Of uncertainty and fear
Just to touch your skin.

I am I am I am.
Am I, or does it all rest in the old cellar
Of resigned wishes and clawed fingertips
Reaching toward all things unattainable?
I am I am I am.
Am I, or is it merely the deceiving sky
Raining ice crystals on my heavy heart?
On moist cement I wait with curled knees.
I am I am I am.
Am I, or shall I call the old lover in hopes
Of receiving the closure that never came?
Apathy is my love. Solitude is my love.
I am I am I am.

Deep in my slumber
I dreamed of a day where our
souls, at last, entwined.

Upon the pearly
moon you stood casting to me
your brown eyes divine.

“Forgive me, my love
and let me kiss to you my
unspoken letters.”

I knew then that my
uncertainty would cease and
love would be better.

You shroud me under
your caramel skin and all
else perishes. See

darling how ardent
our love is? I found you and
at last, you found me.

Hearing your voice has rendered me an elated girl!
I felt soft snow trickling down my skin as you spoke.
I envisioned your lips close to my ear — parting and touching
parting and touching
as the susurrus of your oceanic voice told me great legends
of how you found me at last.
(I am very fond of the waves and their lullabies — in fact,
it is my favorite sound)
Though, what a tragic story this is.
This ethereal sound is teasing me with its distance.
Distance,
Flee!
I want to trace the outline of your lips.
I want to feel the ocean’s wind upon my cheek.
Swallow me whole.
Close my curious mouth with your own
and together we will swim into immortality.
Heartbeat to heartbeat,
Blink to blink,
Laugh to laugh.
Breath to breath.

(My dearest, I love you)

In the sun I feel alive.
it’s heat is motherly on my skin and
there is not a single place I would rather be than
silently resting underneath the golden waves.

Tonight’s waxing gibbous reminded me of
the reasons why I cherish darkness when
sunlight has left its lover -- or has it?
No; It’s merely resting afar giving the moon her
spotlight.
What a generous sun.
It seems as though they never touch -- those two lovers.
When will they meet?
Perhaps never.

Every night I look to the moon
hoping you are looking towards her
concurrently.
When the moon is at her most spherical phase
I send a wish, and
I send a kiss to you.
Did you feel the cool hands of the wind?
The chill bumps you feel,
It is my kiss!
I miss you.
I miss you.
*I love you.

In the land of hope
Lies an immobile soul who
Waits for his return.

Inadequacy
entwined my throat like vines.
I’ve suffocated.

It is not the ordinary that I long for,
but moments that will bewitch me
to the very core of my being.
Abysmal eyes will come my way
and I shall impetuously dive in.
Fear disperses as the lucidity of
my intrigue and wonder increases.
I am numbed by life’s beauty and my
incessant desire to be possessed.
Though, I will not lose my awareness.
With me I shall keep utter clarity and
understanding while life enraptures me.

shivering nerves beneath my skin —
our tongues converse —
heartbeats soar towards azure skies —
in coition we immerse.

Gentle wind caressed
my skin, but my hopeful mind
felt your hands instead.

Your absent presence
lingers heavily beside
me under the moon

and in my lonely
slumber I dream of our souls
finally merging.

Do you see my exterior and marvel
at its ability to capture the weak pupil?
If my skin is but a blanket to cover
you on your lonely nights of desire
then leave my presence.

Look at me and desire to
dissect my brain to find my most horrid
memories that I cannot face alone, and
walk me through the eerie graveyard (my mind) with
your hand in mine whispering “It’s okay”.

Look at me and desire to
open the doorknob where my eyes used to
lie on my face, wanting to enter the world
of perilous ghosts that have lingered in
my soul, and sleigh the hungry monsters
relentlessly pulling me in their darkness.

Look at me and desire to
remove my ribs to reach my fragile beating
heart full of dark secrets, fear and uncertainty.
Place upon it a healing kiss that will render
it impervious to all that tries to break it.

Look at me and desire to
stay by my hopeless side when I begin to drown
in melancholic oceans, as life will have overwhelmed
my delicate being.

Look at me and desire to
kiss my mouth much ardently and never feign
your love for me, for I will always be true.

Look at me and desire to
accept all about my being that I wish to replace
with something greater. Love me when my demons
begin to claw at my vision, leaving the world in my
perception to be horrifying and empty.

Look at me and desire to
tell me that I am Enough and all that you need
and could ever want when I look at my sorrowful
reflection and begin to believe otherwise.

Please, I ask of you
(whomever shall be bewitched by my presence)
do not desire my exterior until you have fully
dissected my interior because I can assure you
my darkness will remorselessly swallow you whole.

Perhaps if time spared
my tired heart then I would
be able to love.

He removes my clothing
and sets my insecurities aside as well.
I have been dressed down, but he has dressed me up
with his tender tongue communicating with my own.
My body becomes angelic
beneath the abundant, gentle hands of my lover
(genuine or not)
softly grazing his fingers
down the contour of my honey-colored skin,
taking a moment to examine
my soft, round, divine *******.

nibble here and nibble there

My eyelids slowly fall down, taking me
to a world of ecstasy, and I am now disembodied.
My lover has bedewed my world with
unfathomable wonders and the room has
filled itself with clouds of satisfied sighs.
What an exquisite touch my lover lays upon
my naked back as he kisses each indention
along my spine, soothing each bruise life
has buried between my delicate cord.
He discovers each hidden freckle on my body
and plants a seed of hope with his moist lips.
My soul has been ignited in the most
pleasant way one can burn.
My grasps tightens around his mane
and colors explode through my body
like a psychedelic fourth of July celebration,
as I exhale the name of my lover while he inhales mine.
We are weightless, and time has ceased entirely.
Peace has finally found me in this moment
of total serenity.

Lust flew through his window
and placed itself inside of his desirous pupils.

To him she embodies a celestial angel
that is incapable of becoming Satan himself.

Flowers grow between her eyelashes
that will soon be nourished with his kiss.

White Oleanders will bloom beneath his lips
and he will unknowingly begin to swallow her poison and perish.

If He shall have the courage to find me
then I shall be waiting.

Though, one must know that I contain multitudes;
Forever I am being taken over by some other mind.

There is the sun melting my skin away
rendering me exposed to all who do not deserve to see.

There is the moon keeping me safe
in the daunting darkness that incessantly tries to consume me.

There is the ocean which is fickle—
Today it will feel bereft of sea life thus pulling me down ‘til my weightless lungs have become an anchor.
Tomorrow its sea life will be abundant and it will allow me to float along its gentle waves undulating beneath my body.

There is the grass which cushions my falls
making it easier to rise up again and keep pushing forward.

There is the soil which dirties my weak palms
and hides me away in its dry darkness long enough to suffocate my being.

There are the trees, flowers, stars, and the wind.
There are the insects, animals, and humans
all which are a part of me,
and if all of that is too much to hold then let me go.

I contain multitudes and if He shall love me
then He, too, will become a part of me,
and He, too, will contain multitudes.

My body aches with sadness.
It is alone and desolate.
I am not whole.
My beloved is hiding
and he will not find me.
Has he found me?
Perhaps my vision is clouded
with old, broken love I have not erased.
To lie beneath his heavy arm
and to overlap my heart onto his
and to stitch our flesh together
making us one being
is all I long to do, but
my delicate courage is drowning.

My delicate courage is drowning.

Let us twist and contort ourselves
to fit into the most infinitesimal
spaces— where
ceased hope
was too enormous to fit— where
fear blocked the entrance—
but you and I, my darling,
you and I will mold so well together.
Even the most professional sculptor
could not sculpt the hope; the love;
the desire that we have created
with our intertwined souls.
We will go to that place where
one only wished to enter before
life annihilated one’s courage.

I have gone so long without writing that the skin
on my fingers is cracking and little ash particles
fall slowly to the ground when I attempt to write again.
Writing will moisten my dried wounds and stitch my
thoughts into the crevices of my fingers so as I write
they will gently unravel themselves and fall into place.
Walt Whitman said that in order to capture the heartbeat
of life one must write in the instant, and that is what I have
been lacking to do for some time now. Perhaps that may be
the reason for the lifeless words lain strewn across the
pages of my leather bound journal. Journal? No. Coffin.
Cobwebs of lonely spiders have inhabited the thoughts
I have murdered, catching the words - slithering like worms -
that have managed to escape the death I caused.
I am capable of resuscitating my dead words, and that
is what I will do.

In my thoughts

you mimic the phases of the moon—

the waning gibbous tonight only reminds me

that you are 68.4 percent away from disappearing —

You will be back again, though,

shining luminously into my darkness

and your beauty will hypnotize me as it always does—

(the striations in your eyes carry spells

of which I am much too susceptible to)

you will dictate my every emotion— just as

the moon dictates the tides in the ocean.

Red, red wine,
you were supposed to
rid every memory of
fallen love out of my
tired mind, but instead
you deceived me and
forced every thought to
float to the very top
of my existence—
and for that I hate you.
I hate you.

But I love you, my sweet
red wine. You are the
bittersweet taste of my
lover resting lightly on
my tongue, numbing my
nerves, and slowing my
thoughts. Melancholy
has befriended me in the
most pleasant manner.
And for that I love you.
I love you.

Somewhere in silence I rested
with collected dust that memories have left behind.
They told me it was all I could have.
They told me there is no meaning.
In the end it will all be as meaningless as dust

For what reason do I wait?
For what reason do I try?

I feel it fading.
It is fading into the vast space
that held words never spoken
and feelings never manifested.

This is where dead end wishes will desiccate my being.
This is where giving up will dismember every limb.
This is where I will have been defeated by life.

Where is my friend?
Comrade, come and let’s flow through the vicissitudes of life
together.

I wait on the highest hills searching for your genuine hand,
and friend I tell you
the climb was not simple at all.

Find me, my dear friend of solace, and tell me I am not alone.
Tell me in truthful words that
It will be okay.

Fall into my longing arms without any preconceptions of my being.
Dig into the very core of my existence without fear
and tell me
It is time to open.

Never deceive my heart, my friend, and our friendship will blossom
like Lily flowers in Spring.
It is you I long for, dear friend.
I will always be true.

My slumber sent me beautiful wishes last night.
(You were non-existent in them)
How content and elated my soul was
as I felt a heavy hand rest upon my breast
as tepid skin sheltered my back,
and as an electrifying kiss landed
on the back of my neck.
(A kiss that I have not yet touched)
Beneath the Egyptian cotton sheets that
dressed our bare bodies I turned around to
greet the kiss that patiently awaited
our desirous lips.
It was such an unfamiliar touch yet
it was the most bewitching of all.
My soul then unfolded into something
extraordinarily unfamiliar.
It amazed me how real this felt and as I
awoke I felt a peculiar longing for it to be.

New limbs,
New eyes,
New lips,
New lashes-
It is all yours to kiss
and I have completely and utterly
disintegrated into melancholy.
Clutching onto my fragile bones
are the hungry ghosts from the
indelible memories imprinted onto my brain.

“We will always be close”
You said.
I cannot face  you without being able to kiss your eyes
or brush my mouth against your skin
or cast to you the smile I once smiled.
This is it.
It is time to let go.

Adieu.