Here's something
You know you're truly messed up when you're self aware, but "too deep" as you tell yourself.

You're so deep that you can't even force yourself to feel bad.

You can't force yourself to care.

My worst fear is to be too afraid to look in the mirror.

And here I am shaking as I don't want to look in the light at my endless sins.

Still, I can't force myself to care just even a little bit to change.

as i watch the clock turn later and later into the night, i force myself to do something that'll attract me.
i put my hair into a bun, and prepare for a show.
the captain of my soul tells me to hit it,
and i begin.

i instantly become an idiot, dancing like i've never had this freedom before.
i open my mouth, and my heart begins to pour out, revealing itself.

i've become so restless lately.

I hate myself for not being able to look you for too long, if I can at all, in the pictures we took.

For not wanting to dive back down in the ocean of memories to remember how we made fun of each other and laughed so much.

We became friends so fast.

How we gave each other so many cute nicknames that just thinking about the reason you gave them to me is enough to melt my heart alone.

But I know I can’t stay in this mood for too long, almost as if someone will just flip the switch.

oh right, you’re gone.

et tu me manque

it baffles my mind,
that the world didn't stop when you did.

i can't bring myself to feel for you, to feel for me because it would be nothing more than a waste of time.
i can't bring myself to take the time out of my so-called busy schedule to tell someone how I really feel,
not even myself.

As I approach my seat at the table,
a glass of water is placed before me.
My mood changes.

As I look at the cup, and how full it looks,
I begin to lust for it.
My mood changes.

As I raise the cup to my mouth, my hands begins to shake.
Once I pour it in my mouth, nothing comes out.
My mood changes.

How can something be so full, but so empty?