i did this thing where i flushed all of the people and memories into a bottle
a bottle of gin
my dad used to tell me
you will forget everything
i watched the rip tide of *******
relationships
drag the things and people i thought
i loved the most
into a missing side of the ocean
no coordinates just space
thank you whispered my soul
i opened the chamber of gardens
welcomed new visitors in
smelt oils of lavand
as my mind wandered into a
psychedelic horror
at night corners open up in my dreams
enough to fill the carved puff mist with
walking nightmares
an apocalypse of creatures
who have forced my eyeballs open
took away sweet dreams from me
i don’t even say
sweet dreams anymore
i just let the bed bugs bite

angry is me
she her hers
yelling
pulling patches of curls out
that i was blessed with
why am i destroying
my blessings
angry is more than an emotion to me
its an action
i grew my nails out
so i could carve
the pain into my skin
my scrapes glisten
like my glitter poetry pens
it’s not a
sin
**** i wish i had that bottle of
gin

you loved me in the color red
told me my skin was made for it
you loved anger down my throat like
color compliments
coating the most insecure parts of myself
learned how to roll grass into wraps
it was always packed
thats the only way i could relax
molded the words “naive” into my molars
when i wasnt sober
made me melt with gullibility
it was a routine
like saturday morning tv
you hated being outside
i was in love with the trees
you were in another womans sheets
but you loved me in the color red
lathered me in rose incense
made me taste red
stained the color in my head
now i can only see your bed
fire passion
ignited by my love
now i know it was just your lust
zodiac compatibility
gold meddled for accuracy
this is a color factory
using oil pastels
smearing each other
with color coated feelings
you loved me in the color red
broke red wine bottles
over my head
until i bled
dipped your fingers in the pool of ink
and tattooed down my chest
i love you in the color red
but not when your dead
i love you in the color red
flushed away toxicity
into my red wounded heart
i forgot what made my heart mine
i’m taking her back fully
opening her to the color yellow
every morning
to opportunity
to self love
to happiness
to more hurt
full bloom
to the world
an abundance of guidance
swimming through my blood
spiritual whispers stamped
on my cartilage
a kaleidoscope of dreams
our future laid out in
mysterious coded octagons
bursting with beams of blue dreams
collections of doodles tattooed on my
journals spine
and a new color a new lover imagines me
floating on

my magnificent mind
has always been a gift
i am in a mystic world
filled with
lively green plants
coated with flower petals
it rained today
mother nature was sad
her and i always feel the same
a twisted funnel in our thick vines
of hair
heartache
because our earth was neglected
the wicked oder from the ocean stamps
our noses with the ink of the
red tide
an ocean of fear
the wave caps curl and burry the dead
pure envy
death is not a place
death is other people
a shoreline of psychedelic tragedy
sand castle graves
lathered in sea salt lotion
overstimulated side effects
my mother gave me the buried treasure
a chest filled with another dimension
built by her daughter
secret garden goddess
of dreams and spirituality
she gave me the key to her soul
threw the honor of mother natures
name and plant aroma
a throne of
leafs and seashell gems
skin of the earth
healing hands of garden therapy
i am my mothers daughter
i will kiss her with
cactus goo lips
as she fills my soul
with mother natures
aura
for
amara

i’ve been shuffling through
the flowers and sand
almost like he shuffled through my body
almost like she shuffled through my journal
the suns been beating on my skin
filling me with soul
men ripping away my self respect
violating my body
forcing the imprint of other woman in me
i feel absolutely ******* disgusting
a concoction of distrust and rage and
pure
confusion
and no i don’t think it’s wrong that the only time i feel like the woman i truly am is when i’m overstimulated
my mind is fully open with a vibrant view of mother nature’s world
built on stilts of the sea of trees
plants open wide with laughter as the sun blankets them with warmth

i quite literally am
fatigued
falling in love with him is exhausting
he is soft skin
my cheeks foaming into his neck
i know it sounds pleasant
i mean we both love ranch
ranch lovers
bent over backwards
you are breaking my spine
i hate living here
the air does not tase as good
the plants are beautiful
but i want a new energy source
a nature i haven’t fully explored
you make it hard
loving you is not hard
the crying
breaking
fighting
breathing
is difficult
i know nothing in life is easy
but living here in this city
is ******
we don’t work here
everything clashes
nothing molds
i just want to move and
unfold
my soul is unbelievably
bold
i wish i could stop this lifestyle
and put it on
hold
fly away to a new place and lay in the
soil
plant a garden of passion
baby this is my everyday
fashion

i am a field of
tragedy
a farm maze
mystery
i will never truly know why my flowers
get stepped on the most
killer with chemical criticism
i am a lonely
wishing well
but there will never be enough pennies nor
wishes
to fill the vast open space
of my hearts home
this cardiovascular *******
that throbs too much
to even want anymore
i don’t think you want me anymore
i’ve just been waiting for you to say it
waiting for you to
**** the field with enough fertilizer
that the next girl you’ll find
won’t even know what it’s like
to live in a garden as radiant as
mine