This time there are no clouds to cry the bottled-up tears.
Frustrations, disappointments, and fears
Questions left unanswered
All my feelings have now been stirred.

Faithfully wait, hope, and trust
On God above, I know I must
Despite the confusion that this life brings
On no one else but Him, my soul clings

Sometimes I just want walk, run, skip and crawl
Anything, I need to get away from it all.
With all that this world has to offer,
I could go insane. I tell you. I really could.
Hold on to God. I know I should.
Sometimes, though, it’s as if He is distant.
But He listens to my prayers at any instant.
His love for me, I can’t contain.
Believe me, He’s the only One Who keeps me sane.

Tossing and turning as I lie on my bed
But all these voices are screaming in my head
Stop! Please stop! I want to sleep.
Slowly, subtly, all these thoughts linger and creep.

Voices of the past saying,
'You can't make it.'
Voices of failure saying,
'Not outstanding. Go back and sit.'

Lies of the enemy are clouding my brain
Without God, by now, I'd be insane.
I'm remembering my mistakes and all
Unpleasant memories, they make me feel small.

My mind is a battlefield
But my victory has been sealed
I know I'll get through this
Because He is faithful. I am His.

Render this time as sacred
More precious than gold
Render this time as valuable
A Life was sold

I speak of this time that I'd so easily trade
For that which is temporary
And those that so easily fade
This time that should be priceless
Because it was bought
And given to me

I want this time to be
More than just part of the routine
More than something to foresee
More than a task of that never-ending to do list.

I call the Giver of this time my Lord
But all the time for the mundane, I hoard
I see lordship but not for Him
I see lordship for me and to me
Selfishness at its epitome

So I bow my sorry head
Sorry for the life I've led
Where I chose to spend this time
All for me
When my God was not the priority

Grace, oh, grace I ask
From this time on
I choose to spend this time in light of eternity

You should be over this by now.
What's wrong with you?
I ask myself repeatedly
Others tell me that too.

And then I hear from Him
The most important Voice of all.
I stumble again. I get up, then fall
But when my flesh fails
When my soul wails
He is the strength of my heart

When I feel as though no one understands
I recount the work of His hands
I read on what He has done
I cry out in desperation

Not forsaken, not unloved
As He feels what I feel
My broken heart, He does heal
He weeps when I weep
He dances over me
Singing with empathy
I'm here. I'm here
Is what I hear
Repeatedly

What is this pursuit of me?
When I'm unfaithful
He comes after me
I hold on to Him because
He empowers me.

My child, I rejoice over you with singing
With dancing, I take delight in you.
Every tear, I wiped while you were crying
With love, I saw you through

Go and speak. Go and tell.
Of how I redeemed you after you fell.
Fell into the depths of sin and shame
Fell into pride to lift up your name.

But My child, My love is greater still
Greater than your finite mind, soul, and will.
I pursued you with Love everlasting
Even if it entailed My Son dying

With Him you were raised
So I am greatly to be praised.
Every moment with Me is not a waste.
I am in your midst. I am mighty to save.

Dazed, I lie down on my bed
With so many thoughts racing through my head.
Am I loved? Do I matter?  Insecurities galore,
but here, You found me so broken. Waiting and wanting for more
More of what? That I didn’t know.
Until You made me realize that Your love upon me is what I need
and You will bestow

Humbled, I lied down in my bed
With so many thoughts racing through my head
Your love that You graciously lavished upon me
Is overwhelming.  How could this be?

Amazed, I lie down on my bed
With so many thoughts racing through my head.
You’re too much for my finite mind to ever comprehend
Thank You for the love that has no end.

I opened my eyes and saw many wondrous things:
The clouds at day and the stars at night,
The sea that spans the vast horizon,
Creation–He made with such delight.

And then I look at me: intricately woven,
Made with so much love,
Fashioned in the image of God above.
He knows me more than I know myself
The depths of my dark past, the whereabouts of the now,
Every detail of the distant future or what'll happen after now.

I stand mesmerized by that Love that cares about every detail of me
Even where I'll spend eternity.
Undeserving of that grace, that forgiveness, the blood that was shed on the cross,
I'm even more in awe of how this battle was not Love's loss.
He rose so I can rise. He conquered so I can conquer.

What better response can I do than share that Love and fall in worship too?

Oh, how could this be
That a Man so perfect would die for me?
Considering all the sins I've made,
He died for them; He so willingly paid.

Oh, how could this be
That a Man so perfect would love me?
He relates with me in all His majesty and splendor
Oh, LORD, what more can I ask for?

Oh, how could this be
That a Man so perfect would show me mercy?
As undeserving as this,
I was nothing, nothing but sin.
But by His blood, I am cleansed,
And clothed with His righteousness

Oh, how could this be
That a Man so perfect would lavish His grace upon Me?
He's been so faithful through all these years
Guiding me through laughter and tears.

Oh, Jesus, thank You for Your acceptance
And for choosing me without resistance.
Oh, LORD, I can say that I am truly blessed.
Thank you for removing my sins as far as the east is from the west.

There was a desire to give a certain amount,
But I lacked. No, wait! I must've lost count!
Counting... Yes, I was really short on cash.
How embarrassing of me, but I checked every stash.

I am aware that God will provide,
But do I cling to the promise,
And on Him do I fully abide?

I went through the motions that Sunday.
When a lady came to me with something to say.
The Lord told her that she had notes to give me.
I looked at her wide-eyed, filled with gratitude, filled with glee.

It was not just what I needed, but even more.
I can't imagine the blessings that are still in store!
God indeed works in wondrous ways.
Worry not about provision. That should always be the case!

I will not sleep until a poem I will write
Was what I promised myself last night
I woke up to the morning light
And a blank page was at my sight.

Oh, this is frustrating.
About what should I be writing?
Why can't the rhymes come to mind,
Or are the right words simply too hard to find?

To myself, what am I doing?
I’m up at two in the morning.
I know that if I try to sleep,
To the land of dreams, I will take a leap.
But oh, here I am, awake and unsure
About the reason. I need a cure.
I think I’m done thinking of words that’ll rhyme.
Did you know that mothballs sublime?

I always tell myself
That if I see God today,
I'd hug Him so tight.
But then I realize
I'd be mesmerized
To attempt to come close.
His glory, His radiance
Will be too much for me.
Too much that I'd fall
Prostrate. In awe.

Again and again, I questioned, 'when will this end?'
Not that i want it to, but this is just to good to be true.

On a day which remains unknown to me.
I'll see the point in all this.
How it happened.
And how it came to be.