To grasp at nothing is scary,
It’s tempting
Yet it’s the shadows of the night,
The empty darkness before you that feels nothing,
Feels like nothing
But it will bring you down faster than an anchor could.
It’ll keep you at port and you’ll never sail again.
Don’t let it get you.
Refuse the chain,
The connection to darkness.
It’s poisonous to your soul—
You wont make it out alive.
Look to the sky and dream big—
Believe in the stars—the light shining on you—
There you’ll make it far and have a one-way trip to the moon—your destiny.
Believe in it; ignore the darkness and go.

I love the tortured soul,
The damaged one under all the new,
The one with tears and bruises,
The one for sale and in the back;
The untouchable.
I’ll fix you.
Come to me and I’ll give you all I've got.  
From the clothes I’m wearing to the money in the bank.
I’ll help you no matter what.
We may not know where we're going
We may not have a plan,
But chin up; we’ll get there.
Don’t believe it?
Well, you got me and we'll figure this out together.
Take my hand, come with me,
This journeys too far to see,
But hey, look at me,
We’ll get there,
I promise.

Don't cry pretty girl, you'll ruin your makeup.

You're all I ever wanted, but nothing I ever asked for.

I'm not used to disappointment, I just expect it.

Putting make-up on while you drive,
you wanna look pretty for your accident?

with shovel in hand,
I go to the back of the barn.
earth broken, I begin digging.
My heel driving into the shovel,
and tossing the remnants over my head.
As the anger subsides to a calmer demeanor,
I take a second to breathe.

sitting next to a tree fronting the purple and blue sky with scattered stars
he stares at me, not with sadness or pity,
but of curiosity.
    What are you doing?
i ignore the cat and keep digging..
teeth tight against each other,
i dig until my arms are weak and
i can't see straight-- until my body trembles
    
Why? why do you continue to do this?
  there is nothing down there for you.

looking down at my shovel, i pause and with a heavy breath;
   There's nothing here for me anymore,
   i gave this life a chance,
   i found love-- i had dreams and i had life
   i can't bare the disappointment anymore.
   i'm done here
   nothing satisfies me here
   nothing

with hopeful intentions;
There's so much more to life than what you see before your eyes my friend

with a scowl, i look up
     My time here is done, there's nothing more that i can do, i've given them everything i have  
     and i've gained nothing but misery, and hopelessness--
     there's no sun to my moon,
     my path ceases as dawn rises
     i won't be a victim to life's cruel taunts anymore

a tear runs down the cat's soft face as he pities the stranger,
i begin digging again

with a brave intent, the cat speaks out of pure compassion;
I'm sorry you feel that way
if you let me hel---
  
with a swift movement, the digging ceases and    
the shovel is thrown at the cat with lethal intent

terrified and frantic, the cat flees for his life.
after a far enough distance where the cat feels a brief sense of security,
the cat glances over his shoulder one last time with concern and worry,
only to see a black silhouette staring at the ground with a glistening speck falling from his face growing smaller as he continues to run.

the cat went back the next morning--
no one was there, just the shovel where it had landed the night before,
and a hole dug so deep, no light could find the end.

I really want to be shot
to feel excruciating pain at the brink of unimaginable pleasure
to be covered in blood staring at the light at the end of the tunnel speaking words of profound wisdom
to laugh with tears rolling down my face
with coughs of blood interrupting my last address

I really want to be shot
not in the head so I don’t die quickly
but close to my heart so I put my hand to my chest and bleed out slowly
as each pulse escapes my grasp and my life flashes before my eyes
each a fleeting memory never to be recalled

I really want to be shot
as she tried to stop the bleeding, she cries out
stroke her by the face and tell her everything will be alright
smile a midst the chaos to ease her pain
eyes close as I fall into a sleep I probably will never awaken
open them to the warmth of lips upon my cheek
I really want to be shot so I can ask ‘Am I in heaven?’

I day dreamed. And it went something like this.
I was standing in a forest on a little oath underneath a beautiful and elegant white arch. golden brown and red leaves surrounded me.
I was wearing a fantastic black suit, With a very very faded array of grey pinstripes. I looked down to my shoes, And they were a nice black leather pair. My hair was slicked back and I had a Barbour shave my face. I had never been so fancy in my life.
You appeared from what seemed like thin air. You were absolutely stunningly dressed in a white dress that hugged your body just ever so elegantly. With a beautiful train and tiara on your head, you were the most beautiful thing on the planet.
There were whispered remarks of how much more beautiful you were than anyone in the crowd behind us. You walked with such grace you didn't even disturb the leaves on the ground.
I teared up and got a pat on the back and was reminded by a voice that had no face to be strong.
We stood apart from each other under the arch.
There was only one tear on your face.
On your left side.
All of a sudden, Out of nowhere, You opened your mouth and in a hushed voice you said "I don't want to be married."
The next thing i saw was the tree canopy. I guess I fell. I got up and you were apologizing, But I ran for my life. I was in a bar all of a sudden, I had already had a few drinks judging by the empty bottles on the bar top. I walked outside, More like stumbled. But you were there, No longer in your elegant dress but a sweatshirt and slacks. You said you were sorry. In a rage a bellowed out that I was sorry for breathing. You pulled me close and said "I'll fix you".
And it was then I felt the pain in my chest. You had put some kind of blade through me. You told me to sleep well. The next thing I saw was the white washed walls of an operation room. You were above in a viewing room. I blacked out. You were standing in front of me and said you had ran off with a childhood friend and were having a shotgunwedding. I let out a small choke of a cry, And said don't worry, This time I'll fix myself. The room went black as I kicked a stool out from under my feet. I felt a quick pain and heard you say "good, You'll finally be right". Then I realized I was stuck reliving the last days of my life.