I hide my poetry from everyone,
Every piece from my dark twisted poems,
To my nature expressions.

I'm not sorry for writing them,
But I'm embarrassed to show,
What I do in my spear time.

Maybe it's because I think they will judge me
Or because I don't like my own work.
Maybe they wouldn't like it.
It's my biggest secret
That I guard with my life,
Like it's the most important thing.

I've never been normal,
But it's weird even for me right?
Even if it's my best poem ever,
It'll be only my eyes that view it
And the members of poetry websites.

I would rather share my work,
With people like me,
Who I've never met and
Who understand how amazing writing is.

I tell people that I can't play this year,
I say; "That I've got too much work to do",
Some of them even believe me,
They understand how much is on my plate.

Then there's the real reason;
That my self-esteem no longer exists.
I just can't take another hit,
Or gauge how good or bad I am playing.
The truth is I've had four panic attacks,
And when I get out on the field
All I feel is stress.

I want to tell them the exact reason why.
To say how insecure I really am,but what's the point.
In a team all players need to believe in themselves,
I, for one never have and never will.
It's so stupid,but it's simple
I just can't do it anymore.

Sometimes I think to myself, is it worth it?
When I ponder on my life and it hurts a little bit,
To be shut out and pulled down.
It's like I'm wearing a crown
Of all the stupid things that circle my head at night.
I want to see the light,
Walk towards this thing of wonder
And still see the things that are under
My skin.

I want to be that little piece of happy
Rather than all these feelings of ******
Disbelief and low self worth.
Feel the earth
Beneath my feet
And realise that with out my friends and family, I, am incomplete.

No more hiding behind the classic fake smile,
Think of life in a different style.
Allow myself to be filled,
With joy, we can rebuild.

No need for drugs or self mutation,
This train's coming to a different station,
Because I can be free.
In the end it's only me,
So why not reach a decision,
To not let fear blind our vision.

Control our own situation,
For how ever long duration.
There is truly only one life, that we get to live.
You should turn around and give
Your real smile, the real you
And maybe if you're lucky you'll see their real self, too.

It's been a while now,maybe a year,
You need to move on my dear.
She is gone,
And she's not coming back,
I need to get you on track.

Don't you know it's not your fault,
Put your mind at halt,
What happened to her,
Doesn't define what you were.

At her funeral you tried,
To keep your spirits high,
You keep asking yourself why.

Something inside you died,
Along with your wife,
And the rest of your life,
Has changed forever.

Our lives began to descend down the narrow road of negativity.
"You really mean a lot to me."
I would never say that.
Like a bat,
Made of feathers smashing against a brick wall.
You stand tall
Too tall for me to reach your heart.
To avoid being hurt, I was just too smart.
Avoid it all, avoid the love I've always had for you
Too many incidents, just to name a few...

There was the ****
That left our family in need.
For some help, from anywhere, somewhere please.
I just wanted to live with ease,
Live like my friends did.
I wanted to be a normal kid,
But I just couldn't be.

The lying
Always always lying
Life wasn't flying
By it was crashing hard
So many shards
Of my broken childhood.
"Please just be good"
I would recite
I don't want to hear another fight.
No more crying or yelling
There was no telling
When this bad dream was going to end.

Stealing!
You stole from me,
That's not how it's suppose to be,
To fund your drugs.
Hang out with those stupid thugs
You call friends.
Don't let this be the end
Can we at least pretend
To be normal.

She was sixteen in this crazy world
She had big dreams and her hair was curled
Just a young daddy's girl,
Who loved to twirl.

Her dream was to be a dancer,
But she couldn't find the answer,
How to get to the top,
Without getting dropped.

Her spirit was strong,
As she would sing along,
To her favourite song.

Tragedy struck,
A case of bad luck,
She broke her back,
And her spirit began to lack.

Her sister helped her through,
And she knew,
She would reach it someday,
Maybe not today,
But in the future.

Poems change lives.
They can express your emotion,
When you don't know how to express it.
They give a message or a story,
Which can not only get their attention,but change their view.
A poem is a gift.
It shows us the way like the sun and moon.
Poems for me are everything,
They help with my whole outlook on life,
I can talk to someone with out saying a word,
And touch people's hearts that I have never met.
Poems connect people,
Poems are life.

Wake up screaming in the night,
Constantly terrified by my own creation.
My brain knows exactly how to hurt me.

She took me by the hand, I was surprised,
She told me "you should close your eyes".
I did exactly as she said,
Completely unaware as she led.
We ended up on a beach somewhere,
I didn't even really care.
Such beauty and peace,
But she said "hey let's go to Greece".
Travelling just her and I,
Underneath the bright blue sky.
Who knows where we'll end up next,
This big wide world is so complex.

Guys always think that when a girl says "she's fine", she's not fine.
When I'm not fine. I don't say anything.
A desperate attempt of a thin sheet covering my naked emotions
Knowing full well that this sheet will only cover me if I'm good enough at using it.
Well I've grown accustomed to using it
Like a silencer on a loaded gun
I have a silencer on my loaded mouth.
You see I am an expert at silence
The deafening monotone of nothingness ringing in my ears.
I found peace in the darkest places of my own consciousness,
Hiding in it's cave like walls,
A bear in hibernation.
'Don't poke the bear.'
A bear is only silent when it's sleeping, or hunting.
I,too have hunted the wilderness of broken dream tree trunks and engulfing self-pity oceans.
But I never seem to catch the hope filled prey.
Maybe because I am both the predator and the prey.
The yin and the yang
The hope and despair.
My mind is so used to fighting itself that it should have been in fight club.
1st rule of fight club...Don't talk about fight club.
Don't talk about fight club
Don't.
Talk.

My work is a beautiful disaster.
So pointless yet so great,
Ugly and amazing,
Stupid and genius.

My painting shows me,
The way I express myself.
Little pieces of my soul on the canvas,
Left for the world to see.

My drawing is all that I am,
All that I see,
And all that I feel.

Creativity has saved me,
Helped me find who I am.
Showed me how to get out,
The things that are trapped inside.
Buried deep below,waiting,hiding
Where no one can find it.

Through drawing,painting and writing.
I am a beautiful disaster.

The light fluffy cloud looked like wool,
Dancing about the sky with the sun watching over.
Queen sun watched over everything,
From the calm trees to the everlasting river,
From the dark shadows to the mountains
And everything in between.

When it was time to sleep
Queen sun took over,
King moon and Queen sun are in love,
But they must look after their son Little cloud.
Little cloud had big dreams to become a dancer,
And his parents always told him
That the sky is the limit.

You are amazing
The way you smile and laugh
I really like you.

I can't fit you in my schedule,
For I have no time,
There's always something on,
That needs my attention or involvement.

That doesn't mean,
I wouldn't make time for you,
That doesn't mean,
I don't want to spend time with you,
That doesn't mean,
I don't care about you.

For you I would drop everything,
I would give you my last cent,
My last piece of food,
My last breath.

I just need more time.

Living on the street,
I am trapped in an unusual world.
Many people walk past and
I think about my life.
Time passes but I stay in the same place
Exactly where I will be till I
Die.

All she knew,
All her life,
Was in such great jeopardy.
Her brother and her father,
Her job and her fight.
She didn't want to be left with nothing,
But for that one moment in time,
She could have died.

I need to lean on you,
Maybe you need me too.
I can tell you all,
Whether big or small,
And it seems like you are listening.

You can't answer back,
But you get me on track,
Your eyes tell me all I need,
As you always lead,
Me to a smile.