I don't want to cry.
But sometimes I do.

I'm not a prayerful person.
But sometimes I pray.
Not that any of my prayers deserves to be answered.

I've been driven to beg.
Bartering.
Ultimatums.

I want
I need
Give me

Do you ever feel so hopeless
that it paralyzes you?
All you can do is watch
as fate demolishes your plans for the future.
******* all over your dreams.
Tearing up your innocence,
not even bothering to recycle the debris.

Put childish things aside.
Grow up and get a real job.
Get married and start a family.
You owe it to yourself.
To everyone.

Another birthday passes.
Another debt to pay.
Another year spent.

I feel so
Hopeless nowadays.
Maybe its because
The rain replaced the sun
Or the dark replaced the light,
Too early for goodnight.

Im not myself anymore,
S
  L
    I
     P
        P
          I
            N
                G
Silently.

I dont want to see my friends,
Go to school,
Come back from school.
I cant
Focus
My grades are dying,
Too many people crying
It should only be me.
I never have energy
Anymore.
Too drained even at the beginning of a new day
To smile
To put on blush.
So i stop wearing
And i stopped caring.

I walk
Like a zombie.
Same expression pasted on my pale face,
Stiff grin,
Too fake.
Like plaster
But the mold is starting to break.
And with every crack,
I make a line
And every line,
It turns back time
To when i was happy
And this whole thing,
When this wasnt me.
But now it is?
I cant tell.