we are the misfits,
looking for reason,
every day goes by,
another dealt with treason

we are the misfits,
just looking for our freedom,
making up our goals,
and just trying to seize them

we are the misfits,
just living with no reason,
every day goes by,
waiting for our deletion

I am a paradox
A self-loathing narcissist
I crave attention but at the same time I don't want to exist
I 'm cocky at the same time that I'm modest
I hate hypocrites more than anything
But I am one;

I wish I could just run
Not run but just isolate myself from the world
I try as hard as I can to but as much as I seem misanthropic
I hate being lonely more than anything
So I sit in my room, my dark room
The bright monitor contrasting my face from the darkness
Trying to escape reality through film or any way I can
I just wish I could stop thinking
But I can't.

Maybe this isolation isn't what I need, all this silence letting my thoughts run like a faucet
My thoughts always lead me to situations I could never imagine, they completely take control of me as if I was some toy robot and my mind is the control
Perhaps I've just lost my sanity, or maybe my mind just stole it from me like a thief
I can sit here all I want, my body nearly infusing itself into this warm bed of mine, and tell myself things can get better, that maybe I can actually do something with my life but I just have no motivation and sometimes it feels as if perhaps my mind stole that as well
But as if I know at this point, all I can do is just sit here and wait
and that's what I do
I guess all I need is some patience

Oh look, here we go again
Is this meeting with an enemy or just my boldest friend;
Well it depends since it seems I'm going insane
These painkillers are supposed to pain **** but there's now pain in my brain
and I'm vein and impulsive or am I just the other,
the only movement is clear, the blinds that shutter
as the harsh wind flows, it flows like a river
am I my own enemy
I'll just sit here and dither
because that meeting with a "friend"
was just me and the mirror
and I try to pretend
but I sit here cold and bitter
I wish my mind would flush,
but it's just stuck in the *******
so my thoughts just flow,
as I still sit as a fixture
they like to say picture perfect
but I'm just an imperfect picture

her skin as smooth as the clouds look,
enticing eyes as blue as the ocean,
darling, let me go out to sail
and I don't want a map because
I am alright with getting lost in you;
let our souls go out to dance and
we can stare up into the night sky
laying side by side with nothing but
each others warmth, between us
and between us, is something special
and just as special is you to me
so if I act a fool, love
it's because I'm a fool for love
so hold my hand and bond with me
so we can lose ourselves as one
we are halves, put us together like a puzzle
and only then will you see the four letters
on display in front of you

sometimes I go to sleep
and I dont want to wake
I want to sink into my bed
and sink deep as if it was a lake

I ask a lot of questions
but do I ever get an answer
I just need some help
it's killing me like cancer

but with cancer theres hope
I dont have any
I feel worthless inside
useless as a penny

I try to get better
but I just get better at getting worst
my happiness is gone
they carried it with a hearse

why am I this way
please tell me why
they say be happy
but all I seem to do is defy

I have it good
so why do I feel bad
I dont know anymore
its just sad

I hate this

Countless nights, I've spent with the thought of you running through my mind
How you left me in the dark where I lay with my thoughts
You're like a poison
You ate me from the inside out
The thought of you haunting me like a ghost
How I wish you would leave me alone
How I wish I didn't have memory of you
How I wish you didn't exist
But it's my fault, isn't it

I sit down
Beads of water dripping down my body, leaving trails like miniature rivers
I let the stream of water hit my head
Alongside my ears, loud
An attempt to silence my thoughts
But I sit here, another poor attempt at trying to get rid of something I'll never be able to get rid of
and I'm scared
I'm scared one day I'm going to do something
I'm scared one day I'm going to do something and I won't be able to stop myself
My thoughts control me, I'm like a maze rat
My thoughts are the predator and I'm the prey
They just seem to keep getting hungrier

let me pretend,
that I can go back to the days when I was glad
instead of my thoughts killing me, driving me mad
it's like I'm striving to be sad, I just wanna be pleasant
but it's like a ****** Christmas giving me depression as presents
but I wanna be me, so I don't want antidepressants
changing my state of mind, wishing I could go back in time to when I was an adolescent
if only I had a time machine, if only you'd comprehend
so just leave me for a minute and
let me pretend

How do you manage this disadvantage of a weakness,
Bleakness is the skill but nobody wants to seek this
but they tell me nobodies perfect but I'm imperfectly strategic,
I might as well be quadriplegic to have to listen to this weak ****

well,
maybe I'm the problem now, they say what goes up must come down
but down goes the intelligence, along with the modesty
is this real life or a satirical comedy
and honestly, I don't wanna be a wanna be
I wanna see the lack of novelty affecting the life I see
but hey, maybe it's just me and my weakness is my psychology
maybe it's just me
well, maybe it's just **me

I am a gun, feel my cold steel
and caress my edges
I tell them to stand clear,
scared of the bullets that will fire
because it is not me who pulls the trigger,
but my mind, riddling me with anxiety
and I'm scared that it is me who is in the iron sights
my own flesh and blood, heart and head
and when that time comes,
if that time comes
I don't want anybody caught in the crossfire

I dream of another life, please don't wake me up
I'm sick of dealing with the ironic hatred of love
and the hatred of me, because I hate what I see
and they say you can change but it's not physical, it's me

I pray for motivation, I want to be someone to admire
but my mind is burning me, please put out the fire
and I keep running in circles, please stab this tire
I am programmed to fail, please rewire

I want to pull the plug on my mind,
hope it doesn't reboot, but each time I try
it does not compute, so I'm trapped in a box
it just learns to defy, I just want to die

but I don't at the same time,
I get sad and ******* stupid
so I bleed these sad rhymes
I bleed these sad rhymes
and I keep bleeding
every second I breathe
the more my minds feeding
on me sad, wanting to stop breathing
this hatred inside just won't stop breeding
so a seedling is planted and the anxiety grows
no happy ending for me as far as the storybook knows
I'm always ******* sad and it really goes to show
they don't know how I feel
it really goes to show
and I don't even know me anymore

who am I?

no one you want to know
I'll infect you with my problems
until you want to go

I guess it's fall
my tree of friends are leaving
I am no widower, but I'm still grieving

what do I want?
no more feelings

I am a manifestation of everything I hate
I am myself, a paradox
The constant thought hitting me
Do I hate everybody else
or do I just hate myself
I feel like I'm a crazy person
Sometimes I just want to be locked up
Isolated from everything
Despite loneliness being my biggest fear
The thing I hate the most is people
and I want to run away
if only I could

my significance is nothing but a blade of glass among a field
a fish in the ocean, or even a can in a dump
it seems as though I have no purpose, I'm merely just there
I am nothing but a seedling, among many and it is up to me to sprout
it is up to me to grow, and thrive
these other seedlings stay by, but they do not provide me with need
they merely provide me with company and sure, company helps
but it is none other than I to thrive as that large sunflower
I want to make an impact but unless I try
I will just be another seedling, among many

I used to stare at my phone,
and hope the message was you
but the staring changed to sadness
when you didn't come through,
and I wonder why it had to come to this dumb ****
cause right now I just wanna feel numb, ****
things change every day, and I guess it applies to you
because when you change for the worst, really what can I do
and you can blame me all you want
tell me I'm the mean one
but how can I be happy when you're colder than winter season
I don't wanna let the snow fall, someone bring me to spring
because all in all, I thought you were my ring
that you'd always be with me, but now the fat lady sings
but I realize it's for the better, I mean I miss the happy times
and writing you corny poems, giving you corny rhymes
and I just miss everything, I want to rewind
but then we'd be back at the same spot, saying goodbye
so I'm saying goodbye, I'll let the winter pass
and hopefully soon I'll be warm like summer
I just hope it comes fast

Sometimes I just feel like everybody hates me, perhaps I'm wrong as others tell me
Maybe in spite of just wanting to make me feel better because they are too nice of people to just throw me away like that, but I just want the truth
Even though the truth is hard it's something I need, just any form of closure even though it seems that the only truth I get is the truth that hurts
I just want to run away sometimes, just escape reality if its through my dreams, through films, just anything to isolate me from everything
I wish I could just die sometimes but I can't because as much as I don't need people, I need this one person
I really wish I could just completely shut off though, just instantly turn my thoughts off, my memories and become someone else for just a moment to relieve me of all this hatred, this stress, everything
Just to escape for one minute
One minute is all I need

I can sit here, seconds gathering, unable to think
it's weird, thinking is all I seem to ever do
but here I sit, your voice on the other end of the line
yet here I am unable to reply
I'm usually talkative
I can't tell you what's the matter
the reason being is I don't know
I feel like there's something wrong with me and you feel like it's you
but it's not
what do I do

this anxiety is killing me
my mind is one with poison
I'm that dead flower
I want to sink in the ocean
they ask me what's wrong
the answer is everything
wish I could ******* run
but I                                              can't

I want to blink and wake up,
be someone that's not me
because I hate myself
but I'm still selfish
so what sense does that make?
I'm trying to hold on
but I don't see a                     handle

throw me away like garbage
treat me like ****
who knows, maybe I deserve it
I just want to be happy
I don't want to be lonely
I miss my old life
when I try to catch it,
it runs from me
somebody help me
I can't handle          this

why can't I sleep
on those lonely nights I try,
why can't I dream
on those nights I want to die,
why can't I think
when I want some imagination
and now I'm stuck
in this maze of an equation
always looking for the answer
but it seems it got taken
so I'm on a search
looking for the right reasons
to live and be free
when its death that I'm eating

I remember in grade 4, when "*** brain" was rude
offensive, like calling a girl a dude
but now it's different,
kids saying "**** yourself", why?

blame it on a bad mood
it's a bother to try

there's conflict
and there's resolution
we were supposed to be the role models, what happened to a solution
because right now, we're falling back in evolution

this language, these words,
the trouble
everyone wants a good rebuttal
but it's not just the words, sticks and stones
now kids in middle school are breaking their bones

knives brought to a fight, we're killing our own
because we wanted what, to get in our zone
this shouldn't be okay, this shouldn't be accepted
we're destructive, taking society just to break it down and wreck it

We are all so fixated on the thought of eternal happiness when in reality there is no such thing
Life is no fairy tale but in fact the opposite, a roller coaster of twists and turns
A constant down fall, things getting better only to worsen in a matter of seconds and go right back up
The only thing you can truly do is move on
Oh how I pity the people so fixated on the past that it ruins their future
Stuck on their first love, being deceived
You're wasting your time
Who knows though
Maybe I'm wasting mine

it's those memories I miss
when everything was new
everything just felt amazing
all of my sadness, fear, paranoia
just washed away under ocean waves
is it bad that I want to be washed away too?
I keep thinking, asking myself what I could do
but my mind won't respond now
it's my fault for being a hypocrite
"don't rely on people" I said
and then I relied on people
I was too busy trying to help others than help myself
maybe I'd be better if I listened
because everyone just flees away
and I need someone close to talk to
but they just leave
and sometimes I wonder
what would happen if I did the same

I get the feeling that it's all an act
Perhaps too good to be true
Pondering the possibility that you actually want to talk to me
That what you say it's true
Maybe it is, but my mind is telling me otherwise
I guess it's just my paranoia
But I don't want you to leave me
At the same time I don't want you to lie
I don't know what I want anymore
I just know I want you.

I wake up
The feeling of distraught standing bold upon my head
The constant fear, that I am perhaps being deceived
Paranoia, written all over me like a notebook
Seemingly void of emotions, an attempt at not being noticed
The crave to not be noticed but constantly seeking attention
My mind doesn't stop, words shooting out
All I can do is stand and try to focus
But I can't
It's as if my mind was a tornado but rather than picking up homes and other things
It picks up thoughts of paranoia, thoughts of despair
It always makes me think, am I the crazy one
Or are they

if i had three wishes
id wish i was still a kid
with that over confidence
dreams always growing big
because when i was young
i wouldnt be afraid of all these people
always racing to be better like they're in a game of steeple
now we're shooting our own,
for the simple plot of attention
it's like hollywood wanted more
and this life was an invention
because we live around drama
we live around war
i just wanted peace
they just wanted more

if i had three wishes
id wish for a world of peace
people saying "he's a terrorist"
when he's just from the middle east
we're fighting battles,
without so much as a reason
and we keep poking fun
but try to look sad when they're leaving
and we're grieving them
when we led them to their action
all because we wanted what
a ******* reaction
do you know they have a family
a mom and a dad
they have brothers and sisters
and friends that are sad
its like these people are objects
and we're playing with toys
it's like we evolved from adults
men to boys

if i had three wishes
id wish people had morals
always arguing,
for the sake of a quarrel
this **** is getting old
this **** is getting bad
is this life
or just another stupid fad

you are a part of me, no longer good
a malignant tumor, that's what's understood
you make me feel pain, selfish for your pleasure
I'd give up a lot, just to have you severed
because I no longer want to see you when I wake up,
I no longer want to see you when I sleep
I no longer want you to be a part of me anymore
you make me so sick I can't eat
you treat me like garbage, you throw me out cause I'm a bother
you are the filthy one, like unfiltered water
please let these thoughts of you escape me,
I'm locked in this prison and it's nothing but anxiety I'm given

I loved you once, why do I still care?
why do I see you in my mind?
I wish you weren't there
but I can't help but feed on the good
when you just feed on my sad
these memories once were good
now all they are, are bad

I should be the paranoid one, in fact I am
I'm constantly worrying, pondering the possibility that maybe I'm not good enough
But I'm happy with what I have
and I'm happy that I have you;
Sometimes it seems kind of forced when you say a certain string of words in reply
But I hope with all of my heart it isn't
Because I want to call you mine
I put in more effort than you'll ever realize, more than you'll ever appreciate
It hurts thinking about losing you
But I'm here
I always will be
The thought of you running vivid in my mind almost like a painting
I just wish you could understand

I'm sorry,
I wish I was better too
and I know what you're thinking,
there's just nothing I can do

I try and I try
but I'll never be close to good,
I wish I could treat you better,
and I know you wish that I would

hell, you deserve it
and hell, I really don't
but I don't know what I'd do without you
and when I think you'll leave, I hope you won't

all I can do is hope,
all I can do is try,
you make me want to live,
when all I want to do is die

my mind is a drunk driver, self destructive and stupid
and although in that same mind, my caring sprouts
that same mind is fighting against it and slowly winning
it is not long before that drunk driver crashes and makes an impact

I type these stupid words
in a white box

I hope they'd help me but
my feelings just mock

me

I'm angry, I'm sad
my heart pains

I'm ******* sick of playing
these stupid twisted games

blame it on me,
I'll blame it on you
I wish this would stop,
look at all we've been through
I just wish you'd understand
but you say the same thing
so we yell
and yell back, defending

when is it gonna end
it's the same thing every time
I just want it to end
there's no point
I hate who I am

I hate me

I live in silence,
I feast in lonesome,
I am surrounded by these walls
trapped in these walls,
but I prefer silence,
I prefer this,
I live around walls, not lies
I live with my emotions,
for if I am happy,
I feel no need to pretend,
I am exactly where I want to be
I am exactly who I want to be

let me sink in the ground
forget me like your sweater in the lost and found
things come around
yeah, my thoughts keep bouncing
just a bunch of sadness and fear it's amounting
to

I'm lost and scared
caught thinking fantasies
that life would be there
having fun like a fair
but I'm riding these rides of despair
and the seat belt is clutched
so I have no escape
I'm stuck in this circle of loneliness and fate
it's not a fairy tale
I won't get a happy ending but what's the ******* point
if I don't even get a happy beginning
or a happy middle
just want to go back to being little
but lifes not a document
you can't undo
people say you control your happiness
and I want to
but they're wrong
because I'm still in the ******* cycle
there's a knife in my chest,
change my name to Michael
the worlds just spiteful

but that's my fault
I control my actions
that's my fault
wish I had no reactions
and it's still my fault
I'm still at fault

blame my ******* head
but it's a part of me
it's my fault

blame everyone around me for leaving me alone
but it was my ******* actions and I chose the wrong to own
so now I sit by myself and my thoughts are malicious
they eat me inside, like cannibals they're vicious
I just want to survive, happy and stupid
but Cupid shot me and despair, so ******* Cupid
it's just a loop and
I can't end it
I don't want a replay
please just end this
take me back

I don't want a part of this

sometimes, I part my lips to speak,
the words don't come out;
my lips begin to dry, slowly
as I breathe in air
there's something wrong with me
what do I do?
what is wrong with me?
I wish I could please people,
I wish people could please me,
and people come and go,
they can be amazing, rarely though
but for some reason I ruin it
I ruin everything
I am a cancer
I hate people
people hate me
I ruin everything
I hate everything
I hate me

I am a self loathing narcissist
my life is a paradox
I don't know much but
I'm paranoia in a pair of socks

I can look in the mirror and picture myself dead
It's rather peculiar the constant thought of death
The constant thought if anybody truly cares for me
One day I just want to leave
I want to run
I want to see if anybody would notice
If anybody care
But as I lay, sinking into my bed
The more I wish that I was dead

this life isn't for pretending,
we open our book, just to wait for the ending
and how it's gonna turn out, but all that's depending
on how we act, who we are, but are we really going far
judging kids on who they are by the model of their car
and it's sad when kids are dying, because one wants attention
but we're not going to cure bad by handing out detentions
where do we cross the line, it's the bad that's being mentioned
they expect us to better ourselves, just by reprimanding
we need help, but it's just hate that we're sending
so it's a game of survival, they just left us fending

I'm jealous of my cold sweat,
I wish I could escape
but it's like I woke up from my dream,
and ended up in my fate
and you saved me like my knight and shining armor
farming my depression like some vegetables, making me a little calmer
and I honor, I acknowledge it, I use my love to fight the ****
sitting in reality, thinking about you rather than escaping it
and trust me I try, but it's harder when my motives seem reversed
but trust me baby, when I say you're the difference between me and a hearse
and of course you make me happy, I'm just sprouting with this envy
so send me the closure and save me from this hellish frenzy
let me be yours, and I'll let you be mine
just building patience to taste those lips,
sweeter than three sips of red wine,
you complete the circle, and you have the key
so I ask "do you mind"
I said you're the difference between me and a hearse, valentine

the loneliness is akin to the air,
as close and tight as my own flesh and blood,
these veins like roots in my tree of a body
from which leaves of things sprout upon my mind;
my hands attempt to grasp that thin air
as if I had the ability to empower it,
but I'm suppressed by the notion of my own thoughts;
they stab these bars around me like a prison,
the bars slowly gravitate towards me locking in
and it's overwhelming;
my voice has as much influence as a pebble on earth
and no matter how much I may beg or scream,
it will not do a thing for me but let those bars crush me
until I am nothing but dust, nothing but a pebble on earth

why can't I stop thinking
thoughts hitting me like gunfire
I can't escape it
the constant thought of deception
the constant thought of paranoia
the constant thought of *you