you are my ****** and I am addicted to having you flow through me
but now I have to quit before I get hurt again, I am scared
and it is hard to detox, it feels impossible to overcome it
I wish it could go back to the beginning, before it turned on me
when everything was perfect, and I was euphoric
but now, my dear ******
I need my prozac back
and I beg of you to return, because I long for you,
my sweet ******
this infatuation, this addiction, this needle
this love

I am addicted to you,
and it's hard to let go

lit by the sunlight is none other than your skin, intertwining with that of my own,
meshing in the air is our thoughts and beliefs, and our future being carefully devised before us,
it's not hard to think ahead, or at least dream ahead that perhaps just like right now,
our skin will still be touching as you lay softly next to me in five years time,
it's nice to think I will be happy for more than this moment can last
and perhaps you hold that key, its just up to you to use it

I know you more than I know myself, despite you thinking differently,
your smile glows brighter in my thoughts than it does in the sunlight
overwhelming would be a word to describe you,
you've seen me in light, whereas others have only seen me in the dark
thinking realistically maybe this won't last forever, nothing does
but I can dream

we are the misfits,
looking for reason,
every day goes by,
another dealt with treason

we are the misfits,
just looking for our freedom,
making up our goals,
and just trying to seize them

we are the misfits,
just living with no reason,
every day goes by,
waiting for our deletion

I come off as an ******* but trust me when I say it's not my intention
Trying to comprehend these assumptions you're inventing
and trust me I know, cause I'm paranoid too but it's hard not to be annoying when I love you
and I do my best to make things fair, I try my best to make sure I care
that glimpse of happiness as I sit there and stare.

I come off as an ******* but trust me when I say it's not my intention
I'm sorry that I'm so attached, you're just my obsession
and trust me I know, I need some time too, but I can't go too long without missing you
and I do my best not to be square, I try my best to make sure I care
that glimpse of happiness as I sit there and stare
at you.

I am a paradox
A self-loathing narcissist
I crave attention but at the same time I don't want to exist
I 'm cocky at the same time that I'm modest
I hate hypocrites more than anything
But I am one;

I wish I could just run
Not run but just isolate myself from the world
I try as hard as I can to but as much as I seem misanthropic
I hate being lonely more than anything
So I sit in my room, my dark room
The bright monitor contrasting my face from the darkness
Trying to escape reality through film or any way I can
I just wish I could stop thinking
But I can't.

invincible
it's the way you make me feel
you give me a sense of reality when nothing else is real
you heal my insecurities so I can deal with myself
you make me happy when there's nothing but depression on my shelf
and when I look into your eyes, it's like perfection itself
and I'm more than lucky and a lot less than deserving
you make me feel alive when it's death they're serving
you make me feel
invincible

my thoughts run like a faucet
I wish I could sleep
I feel like I've lost it
I just lay here and weep
and I think how it's crazy
how fast lives are lost
from 911 to the holocaust
to suicide to overdosing
to accidents to accidental choking
and there's no way to tell
there's no way to know
life could end any second
expectations are low
I try to rewind
to slow down time
but I'm trapped in a box

mime

Maybe this isolation isn't what I need, all this silence letting my thoughts run like a faucet
My thoughts always lead me to situations I could never imagine, they completely take control of me as if I was some toy robot and my mind is the control
Perhaps I've just lost my sanity, or maybe my mind just stole it from me like a thief
I can sit here all I want, my body nearly infusing itself into this warm bed of mine, and tell myself things can get better, that maybe I can actually do something with my life but I just have no motivation and sometimes it feels as if perhaps my mind stole that as well
But as if I know at this point, all I can do is just sit here and wait
and that's what I do
I guess all I need is some patience

Every day it gets worse, you'd think I'd learn from my actions
All this paranoia and **** causing a reaction
And I wonder why people always stack gin
So unorganized, about the opposite of a faction
Because I live my biggest fear, living lonesome in isolation
While people are going wild, for the easy excuse of celebration
and I'm patient it will end, but it depends how I react
letting go of the sad, the happiness attempting to retract
and so do I to my room, the sun shines bright but I shine gloom
I infect all, you can call me the poison fume
so I sit here now, my back warm against the wall
wondering and wondering how long it will be
before I fall

I am a self loathing narcissist
my life is a paradox
I don't know much but
I'm paranoia in a pair of socks

There's no such thing as forever, perhaps only in the fairy tales
But when I look into your eyes I want to make those fairy tales a reality
Because every day, every second is just me waiting
Me waiting to hear your voice,
Nothing makes me more happy than you
You are my prozac, you are my xanax
You are my everything, and I never want to let you go

let me pretend,
that I can go back to the days when I was glad
instead of my thoughts killing me, driving me mad
it's like I'm striving to be sad, I just wanna be pleasant
but it's like a ****** Christmas giving me depression as presents
but I wanna be me, so I don't want antidepressants
changing my state of mind, wishing I could go back in time to when I was an adolescent
if only I had a time machine, if only you'd comprehend
so just leave me for a minute and
let me pretend

I get the feeling that it's all an act
Perhaps too good to be true
Pondering the possibility that you actually want to talk to me
That what you say it's true
Maybe it is, but my mind is telling me otherwise
I guess it's just my paranoia
But I don't want you to leave me
At the same time I don't want you to lie
I don't know what I want anymore
I just know I want you.

I'm warm blooded but the blood let my fingers run cold
I clench them into a fist in hopes and desperation of bringing the warmth back
My visions hazy, cold sweats run like an endless river
My eyes shoot in every direction
Heart sank like the titanic in my stomach, which I'm sick to
I shake a little, every time I breathe I inhale more pessimism
Thoughts eat me like Hannibal
Served fresh on a plate like a gourmet
Just a sprinkle of self hatred
My emotions driven like a car
Where are the brakes

I hear the pain in your voice as your words come out and it worries me to death
Even though you tell me not to worry, I'm drowned in thoughts of you
I swim through a variety emotions
Love
Worry
Paranoia
I want to be by your side, I want to make sure you're safe
I want to take care of you, make you happy the way you make me happy
I want to wake up next to you, and just stare
I don't want to worry
But it's hard not to worry about the person you love

my pencil taps like a metronome against the wood that is my desk
each second being counted by my mind longing for the sound of the blaring bell
to indicate it's time to move on, I play the waiting game all day
sitting alone in the corner of the room, every couple minutes dazing out the window into the scenery
all the kids in the classroom mindlessly talking away, my ears focusing in and out of conversations
not because I want to hear but instead because I'm forced, their mouths blaring like sirens off a firetruck
I sit here, thoughts eating me away like always waiting for the day to come to an end,
waiting for the time I get to myself to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling for seemingly no reason at all
I feel more lonely than ever, the feeling that no body cares or has any genuine interest in me anymore,
the feeling that my friends hate me and even if they say they don't I won't believe them
the feeling that I just want to lay here and wait for the day to come where I go to sleep and don't wake up
but I want to live, I want to see the next day and hope that something happens, something of a miracle
maybe everything will come together one day, and that's what I'm hoping for
but until then, here in my bed I will lay pondering of what good things may come
I just hope they come soon

I feel lost in the world, weightless at will
floating away, zero gravity pill
lost balloon, myself to ****
because the good is the bad
and the bad is the real
because dreams distort,
mirror in a funhouse
and you keep having fun
until they turn the lights out
and then the lights on,
sun shining in your face
reality is not my destination
ready to get lost in space;
you can catch me staring off
like a wonderland on the horizon
see something unique and
it is what I set my eyes on
so when the teachers yell
I just look and sigh long
dreams bright like nylon
and you can see in the distance
but along that route
you'll get lost in an instant
give me a map, not happy
because my route is not reality
paranoid, delusional
thinking everybody is mad at me
people are good, maybe I'm just bad at me
my good ran out like it was a battery,
they drop me like a mirror
yet they don't shatter me,
everyone like a clone,
earths a human factory,
I want to get lost in space
weightless, zero gravity

we all hate loneliness
but we choose to ignore
we all say we're sad
and that life is a bore

oh time to explore
only to capture it on camera
and then we leave that whole area
to post it online

i mean we're inside,
most of the time
sitting behind devices
writing words that rhyme

we're happy with crime,
until it takes a live,
but you'd be contributing
if she was still alive

so tell me now
how does it work
we dont know intelligence
but we know how to twerk

prepubescents saying **** now
when we used to say ****,
i wish it would change, now
if only words worked

I can sit here, seconds gathering, unable to think
it's weird, thinking is all I seem to ever do
but here I sit, your voice on the other end of the line
yet here I am unable to reply
I'm usually talkative
I can't tell you what's the matter
the reason being is I don't know
I feel like there's something wrong with me and you feel like it's you
but it's not
what do I do

I haven't had a nightmare in eight years,
despite having anxiety, lots of brain activity and eating before bed
despite having stress or even sleeping in uncomfortable positions
all of those are the leading causes for nightmares
and those all happen excessively to me
so tell me why I can't sleep at night
tell me why I can only sleep when I'm so tired I pass out
perhaps there's a reason
or maybe it's because every time I go to sleep, I dream
and every time I wake up,
I wake up into a nightmare.

I guess it's time for dinner, cause my paranoia is hungry
My emotions unhinged, thoughts racing like a speedway
It eats me from the inside like a bacteria disease
I shake like a tremor, cold sweat embedded upon my skin
My heart sinks to my stomach like an anchor
All I can do now is wait, that's all there is
It's like a prison more than anything
My emotions flow like a river, a fast stream
Carrying all these bad thoughts and flowing them in my head
Filling them up, is there an off button
The only way out is to die but I don't want to do that
It controls me like a robot though
My heart beats faster and faster
I feel like I'm going to throw up
I feel sick to my stomach
But what can I do
Thoughts of you invade my mind
and they won't escape
they won't escape
I wish I could escape
I wish

I really do feel like I'm going crazy
I can sit in bed and just be swarmed with thoughts as if they were bees and I were covered in honey
My mind likes to play games, it likes to feed me feelings of paranoia and anxiety
It feeds me thoughts I wish I didn't have, I feel like one day my mind is going to **** me
and I can write poem after poem begging my mind to stop, to just stop thinking for a single moment
But I already know for a fact that it won't do a **** thing
For some odd reason however, this keeps going back to you
I feel like you're the only reason I'm sane anymore
and I feel like if you just got up and threw me away, I feel like you'd be throwing away my sanity as well
Because as much as you don't believe it
I need you

dear love of mine,
I want to hold you beside me
I want to reminisce over our inside jokes
and apologize for how stupid I have been
and you can do the same,
let us spend one night together
even if it's just silent because just knowing you're there
is enough to make me feel better
let me hold your hand
and I will lose myself in those eyes
and you can laugh at me, I wouldn't care
because you make me feel comfortable
and barely anybody can do that
let me love you, please
let us get lost in our memories
and make fun of the embarrassing things in our past
I just want to remember a good time with you,
a happy time, just a perfect night
like my own little romance movie
that is more dear to me than any movie could be
I romanticize every single detail and fragment of you
and as I lay, trying to sleep you tatter my mind,
and for some reason
I am completely okay with that
lest we forget the bad, my love
and together we can be happy

I dream of another life, please don't wake me up
I'm sick of dealing with the ironic hatred of love
and the hatred of me, because I hate what I see
and they say you can change but it's not physical, it's me

I pray for motivation, I want to be someone to admire
but my mind is burning me, please put out the fire
and I keep running in circles, please stab this tire
I am programmed to fail, please rewire

I want to pull the plug on my mind,
hope it doesn't reboot, but each time I try
it does not compute, so I'm trapped in a box
it just learns to defy, I just want to die

but I don't at the same time,
I get sad and ******* stupid
so I bleed these sad rhymes
I bleed these sad rhymes
and I keep bleeding
every second I breathe
the more my minds feeding
on me sad, wanting to stop breathing
this hatred inside just won't stop breeding
so a seedling is planted and the anxiety grows
no happy ending for me as far as the storybook knows
I'm always ******* sad and it really goes to show
they don't know how I feel
it really goes to show
and I don't even know me anymore

who am I?

no one you want to know
I'll infect you with my problems
until you want to go

I guess it's fall
my tree of friends are leaving
I am no widower, but I'm still grieving

what do I want?
no more feelings

Oh look, here we go again
Is this meeting with an enemy or just my boldest friend;
Well it depends since it seems I'm going insane
These painkillers are supposed to pain **** but there's now pain in my brain
and I'm vein and impulsive or am I just the other,
the only movement is clear, the blinds that shutter
as the harsh wind flows, it flows like a river
am I my own enemy
I'll just sit here and dither
because that meeting with a "friend"
was just me and the mirror
and I try to pretend
but I sit here cold and bitter
I wish my mind would flush,
but it's just stuck in the *******
so my thoughts just flow,
as I still sit as a fixture
they like to say picture perfect
but I'm just an imperfect picture

do you remember when we were happy
do you remember when things were good
do you remember when we treated each other like we should
we've turned from humans to cannibals,
devouring each other like animals
to see who can eat their heart first like an episode of hannibal
but give me a remote, please rewind
back to those happy memories when you were mine
it was so divine, it was so divine
but now I'm just wishing things would at least be fine
I am not a controller, I can't pause and think
I'm just slipping on ice like a hockey rink
and like a hockey rink, I just keep getting colder
feeling like I'm crazy, full of ******* disorders
so I pick up the remote, I hope it can rewind
because what I remember, is what it should be like all of the time
and not this **** that makes me scared, this **** that makes me sad
this **** that ******* kills me, its this **** that makes me mad
because we were everything, our souls bonded like superglue
if I could drive back in time, I'd jump in that suburu
walk in my shoes, feel my pain and tell me what you would do
because I lose my temper, but that can't be helped
you can only take so much, that can't be helped
and the crazy thing about it is even after the fighting
you lit up my life, bright like lightning

so please tell me if you remember those memories of love
those corny lines, wondering if you were sent from above
but now those memories fly away like a dove, and if I could fly,
I would go and catch them, because I want to collect our joy again,
but now all I want to do is die, so take me back to december
when everything was fine, tell me do you remember
remember when you were mine?

I sit down
Beads of water dripping down my body, leaving trails like miniature rivers
I let the stream of water hit my head
Alongside my ears, loud
An attempt to silence my thoughts
But I sit here, another poor attempt at trying to get rid of something I'll never be able to get rid of
and I'm scared
I'm scared one day I'm going to do something
I'm scared one day I'm going to do something and I won't be able to stop myself
My thoughts control me, I'm like a maze rat
My thoughts are the predator and I'm the prey
They just seem to keep getting hungrier

I wish you'd stop playing these games
I gave up a long time ago, you left me pondering for months to come
Hoping there was a possibility but you threw that to the ground
It's been a while
I really did think you were great, I put in so much
It hurt me to see you throw it all away before my eyes
I'm not blaming you
You need to understand that
For months I sat there
In the dark, your memory vivid in my mind
The smile you gave after my lips left yours
I won't forget
But now it's time to move on

I can tell you a hundred times and you still won't believe me
Thinking you're not good enough, that you're worthless
I don't think you realize how hard I try for you
The one thing I was born without is motivation
But I'm motivated, I put so much effort into this that you can't even fathom
It's nice to think about fantasy, to think of the outlandish
All of the things we could do but I want to make it work
and when you tell me it won't ever work it hurts me
You think that just because it hurts me, that you're a horrible person
It really isn't your fault for my expectations being so high, for me to dream
and you to throw me back into reality
and you leave me hear to ponder, time after time without a word
I wish I could escape sometimes, but if I were given the opportunity I honestly wouldn't despite wanting to
It's as if I need you
Maybe it's my mind working these crazy ways, building up an unrealistic future or perhaps I really do

Sometimes I just feel like everybody hates me, perhaps I'm wrong as others tell me
Maybe in spite of just wanting to make me feel better because they are too nice of people to just throw me away like that, but I just want the truth
Even though the truth is hard it's something I need, just any form of closure even though it seems that the only truth I get is the truth that hurts
I just want to run away sometimes, just escape reality if its through my dreams, through films, just anything to isolate me from everything
I wish I could just die sometimes but I can't because as much as I don't need people, I need this one person
I really wish I could just completely shut off though, just instantly turn my thoughts off, my memories and become someone else for just a moment to relieve me of all this hatred, this stress, everything
Just to escape for one minute
One minute is all I need

her skin as smooth as the clouds look,
enticing eyes as blue as the ocean,
darling, let me go out to sail
and I don't want a map because
I am alright with getting lost in you;
let our souls go out to dance and
we can stare up into the night sky
laying side by side with nothing but
each others warmth, between us
and between us, is something special
and just as special is you to me
so if I act a fool, love
it's because I'm a fool for love
so hold my hand and bond with me
so we can lose ourselves as one
we are halves, put us together like a puzzle
and only then will you see the four letters
on display in front of you

my anxiety roots inside my lungs, it makes me short of breath
trying to build a tree inside me with leaves of panic and death
and my chest pumps hard with my drum of an *****
I just want to be happy, I just want to do it for them
because these people are intimidated when they see me in person
because I always look sad and down, like a drama film I'm rehearsing
so I'm on a life long scavenger hunt, and it's happiness I'm searching
and I just want to stand up, but this places just makes me slip
until I hurt all over, floor against my hip and I' just want to sink under
since they just run and leave, hearing the words my lips utter
my thoughts are never white, only black so I guess I'm out of color

I lay in bed, music blasting, staring at the ceiling
temper hot as a fresh cup of darjeeling
darling, please leave me be
because my mind is a cage
I just wish it'd be set free

I knew from the moment I saw you smile, that I needed you
That sounds odd, looks are perceiving, usually misleading
The happiest looking people seem to be the least happiest
It's always hard to tell, but I knew from the second I saw you
That I would love you
So my eyes open, opening to a new day
The first thought in my head is you
So my eyes close, ready to sleep
and the last thought in my head
is you

Is love real
Is love a trick of the mind
I don't know, but I think I love you

How do you manage this disadvantage of a weakness,
Bleakness is the skill but nobody wants to seek this
but they tell me nobodies perfect but I'm imperfectly strategic,
I might as well be quadriplegic to have to listen to this weak ****

well,
maybe I'm the problem now, they say what goes up must come down
but down goes the intelligence, along with the modesty
is this real life or a satirical comedy
and honestly, I don't wanna be a wanna be
I wanna see the lack of novelty affecting the life I see
but hey, maybe it's just me and my weakness is my psychology
maybe it's just me
well, maybe it's just **me

I remember in grade 4, when "*** brain" was rude
offensive, like calling a girl a dude
but now it's different,
kids saying "**** yourself", why?

blame it on a bad mood
it's a bother to try

there's conflict
and there's resolution
we were supposed to be the role models, what happened to a solution
because right now, we're falling back in evolution

this language, these words,
the trouble
everyone wants a good rebuttal
but it's not just the words, sticks and stones
now kids in middle school are breaking their bones

knives brought to a fight, we're killing our own
because we wanted what, to get in our zone
this shouldn't be okay, this shouldn't be accepted
we're destructive, taking society just to break it down and wreck it

I sit here and I type for hours, just to delete it in hopes of bellowing some of my teenage angst
just to rid myself of this pain that's eating me from the inside
my biggest fear has always been the thought of not being able to escape
but I'm living in his fear, this reality that I don't want to be in
and I can't escape

you tell me to describe you,
but there's no words good enough
they say there's fish in the sea,
but you're a diamond in the rough

it's tough to be patient,
but you make time fly by
you're the perfect creation
and you don't even try

I'm confident it'll work,
and it'll be hell if I'm wrong
because you're stuck in my head
you're my new favorite song

you're the sound of the water,
the birds and the waves,
I think I need rehab
because you're the drug I crave

vacant I am, seemingly of emotion
but barriers eventually fall, void and despondent
maybe just paranoid
my emotions show, visible to the light from which is resides
but in the darkness I can sit, invisible for a moment
pondering whether that may be the reason I'm nocturnal
I feel like I need my own map
because even I don't know myself

our relationship is akin to an 8-year-old,
I'm warm near you, but far away I get cold,
I spy you in my thoughts, I want to hold you like a bat
let us hold each other, sitting on that grade school mat
we play hide and seek with our words, we hide our anger and seek love
and try to grip it tight like a club with a golf glove,
attempting to settle the score even if we play for fun
because we're both just trying to be each others #1
but sometimes our words fight, cops and robbers
and after we'll regret it because really, why bother
we can quote old movies, "I am your father."
until we are old, and I sat to our kids "I am your father."
let us grow old with wrinkles, our love will stay young
we can play these childish games, but with this rare love
we've already won

I see your smile and for a moment it's like I know every thing is going to be alright
I love everything about you, all your mannerisms
When I tell you that you're beautiful and you smile, you look down
I tell you how cute your smile is and you cover it with your hand and let out a quiet giggle
In response telling me to stop
I can just look at her, just look into her eyes
My thoughts just go blank
and I hate thinking
I love how you try to look good for me
and I love that you don't have to try
Because I've seen you at your so-called worst
and there's nothing remotely bad about it
My day revolves around waiting to talk to you
It's like I'm obsessed
I am, I guess
I feel creepy but I don't care anymore honestly
I don't care because I want happiness
and she gives me it

if i had three wishes
id wish i was still a kid
with that over confidence
dreams always growing big
because when i was young
i wouldnt be afraid of all these people
always racing to be better like they're in a game of steeple
now we're shooting our own,
for the simple plot of attention
it's like hollywood wanted more
and this life was an invention
because we live around drama
we live around war
i just wanted peace
they just wanted more

if i had three wishes
id wish for a world of peace
people saying "he's a terrorist"
when he's just from the middle east
we're fighting battles,
without so much as a reason
and we keep poking fun
but try to look sad when they're leaving
and we're grieving them
when we led them to their action
all because we wanted what
a ******* reaction
do you know they have a family
a mom and a dad
they have brothers and sisters
and friends that are sad
its like these people are objects
and we're playing with toys
it's like we evolved from adults
men to boys

if i had three wishes
id wish people had morals
always arguing,
for the sake of a quarrel
this **** is getting old
this **** is getting bad
is this life
or just another stupid fad

What hurts me the most, is knowing you're hurt
and the fact that you won't tell me what's wrong
You blame yourself, you say over and over again
"It's my fault, it's all my fault"
It's not, but you can't seem to grasp that
I don't want you being hurt
I wish I could just make you happy and never see a single frown come from you again
But I sit here, knowing you're crying, knowing you're blaming yourself for something thats not your fault and it hurts me,
You tell me I shouldn't care about you, but the fact of the matter is
I care about you more than I care about myself
I can't see you hurt anymore, I just want to help you
I just want to make you happy
So please, let me.

I'm hard not to notice I guess
I stand out
I wish I didn't, I wish I could be the ghost of the hallway
Not a single person even glances
But as I walk through the hallways filled with students, glares are shot at me like gunfire
My mind filled with paranoia at the possibility that these kids are all silently judging me
I just have a weird thought that everybody secretly hates me and it haunts me
I think about it every day, I wish I could stop but my mind is always filled with thoughts
I sit here in my room, thinking that perhaps this person is only talking to me because they feel bad
Maybe that's just me being paranoid
Maybe I'm right
I can lay for hours in an attempt to sleep with no progress whatsoever
I have to stay up until the point I get so tired I pass out
That leads to constant thinking, me laying on my bed
My laptop beside me playing soft, mellow music
My mind destroys me in all honesty
Every one of my thoughts is a paradox
Every one of my thoughts is another question
Why am I so paranoid
Sometimes I just feel like I'm insane
Maybe I need help
I just wish my thoughts could stop for at least one minute
Someone please **** me

you are a part of me, no longer good
a malignant tumor, that's what's understood
you make me feel pain, selfish for your pleasure
I'd give up a lot, just to have you severed
because I no longer want to see you when I wake up,
I no longer want to see you when I sleep
I no longer want you to be a part of me anymore
you make me so sick I can't eat
you treat me like garbage, you throw me out cause I'm a bother
you are the filthy one, like unfiltered water
please let these thoughts of you escape me,
I'm locked in this prison and it's nothing but anxiety I'm given

I loved you once, why do I still care?
why do I see you in my mind?
I wish you weren't there
but I can't help but feed on the good
when you just feed on my sad
these memories once were good
now all they are, are bad