I come off as an ******* but trust me when I say it's not my intention
Trying to comprehend these assumptions you're inventing
and trust me I know, cause I'm paranoid too but it's hard not to be annoying when I love you
and I do my best to make things fair, I try my best to make sure I care
that glimpse of happiness as I sit there and stare.

I come off as an ******* but trust me when I say it's not my intention
I'm sorry that I'm so attached, you're just my obsession
and trust me I know, I need some time too, but I can't go too long without missing you
and I do my best not to be square, I try my best to make sure I care
that glimpse of happiness as I sit there and stare
at you.

Every day it gets worse, you'd think I'd learn from my actions
All this paranoia and **** causing a reaction
And I wonder why people always stack gin
So unorganized, about the opposite of a faction
Because I live my biggest fear, living lonesome in isolation
While people are going wild, for the easy excuse of celebration
and I'm patient it will end, but it depends how I react
letting go of the sad, the happiness attempting to retract
and so do I to my room, the sun shines bright but I shine gloom
I infect all, you can call me the poison fume
so I sit here now, my back warm against the wall
wondering and wondering how long it will be
before I fall

I'm warm blooded but the blood let my fingers run cold
I clench them into a fist in hopes and desperation of bringing the warmth back
My visions hazy, cold sweats run like an endless river
My eyes shoot in every direction
Heart sank like the titanic in my stomach, which I'm sick to
I shake a little, every time I breathe I inhale more pessimism
Thoughts eat me like Hannibal
Served fresh on a plate like a gourmet
Just a sprinkle of self hatred
My emotions driven like a car
Where are the brakes

I guess it's time for dinner, cause my paranoia is hungry
My emotions unhinged, thoughts racing like a speedway
It eats me from the inside like a bacteria disease
I shake like a tremor, cold sweat embedded upon my skin
My heart sinks to my stomach like an anchor
All I can do now is wait, that's all there is
It's like a prison more than anything
My emotions flow like a river, a fast stream
Carrying all these bad thoughts and flowing them in my head
Filling them up, is there an off button
The only way out is to die but I don't want to do that
It controls me like a robot though
My heart beats faster and faster
I feel like I'm going to throw up
I feel sick to my stomach
But what can I do
Thoughts of you invade my mind
and they won't escape
they won't escape
I wish I could escape
I wish

I can sit here, seconds gathering, unable to think
it's weird, thinking is all I seem to ever do
but here I sit, your voice on the other end of the line
yet here I am unable to reply
I'm usually talkative
I can't tell you what's the matter
the reason being is I don't know
I feel like there's something wrong with me and you feel like it's you
but it's not
what do I do

my pencil taps like a metronome against the wood that is my desk
each second being counted by my mind longing for the sound of the blaring bell
to indicate it's time to move on, I play the waiting game all day
sitting alone in the corner of the room, every couple minutes dazing out the window into the scenery
all the kids in the classroom mindlessly talking away, my ears focusing in and out of conversations
not because I want to hear but instead because I'm forced, their mouths blaring like sirens off a firetruck
I sit here, thoughts eating me away like always waiting for the day to come to an end,
waiting for the time I get to myself to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling for seemingly no reason at all
I feel more lonely than ever, the feeling that no body cares or has any genuine interest in me anymore,
the feeling that my friends hate me and even if they say they don't I won't believe them
the feeling that I just want to lay here and wait for the day to come where I go to sleep and don't wake up
but I want to live, I want to see the next day and hope that something happens, something of a miracle
maybe everything will come together one day, and that's what I'm hoping for
but until then, here in my bed I will lay pondering of what good things may come
I just hope they come soon

I sit here and I type for hours, just to delete it in hopes of bellowing some of my teenage angst
just to rid myself of this pain that's eating me from the inside
my biggest fear has always been the thought of not being able to escape
but I'm living in his fear, this reality that I don't want to be in
and I can't escape