We are all so fixated on the thought of eternal happiness when in reality there is no such thing
Life is no fairy tale but in fact the opposite, a roller coaster of twists and turns
A constant down fall, things getting better only to worsen in a matter of seconds and go right back up
The only thing you can truly do is move on
Oh how I pity the people so fixated on the past that it ruins their future
Stuck on their first love, being deceived
You're wasting your time
Who knows though
Maybe I'm wasting mine

I can look in the mirror and picture myself dead
It's rather peculiar the constant thought of death
The constant thought if anybody truly cares for me
One day I just want to leave
I want to run
I want to see if anybody would notice
If anybody care
But as I lay, sinking into my bed
The more I wish that I was dead

I am a manifestation of everything I hate
I am myself, a paradox
The constant thought hitting me
Do I hate everybody else
or do I just hate myself
I feel like I'm a crazy person
Sometimes I just want to be locked up
Isolated from everything
Despite loneliness being my biggest fear
The thing I hate the most is people
and I want to run away
if only I could

I hear the pain in your voice as your words come out and it worries me to death
Even though you tell me not to worry, I'm drowned in thoughts of you
I swim through a variety emotions
Love
Worry
Paranoia
I want to be by your side, I want to make sure you're safe
I want to take care of you, make you happy the way you make me happy
I want to wake up next to you, and just stare
I don't want to worry
But it's hard not to worry about the person you love

I want to make you happy, I want to make those tears stop rolling down your face
Leaving wet trails on your skin, your eyes red, your voice lowers
I can hear that audible tone of depression for a moment
I tell you everything is going to be okay
Your lips start moving, pacing more quickly
"It's my fault"
I tell you to be quiet for a second
I tell you to breathe
"Everything is going to be alright, I promise" I mutter
You disagree but as my attempts to make you feel better move forward the tears slowly fade
Your tone changes, I keep telling you things, you may think that I'm just saying them
But I can honestly tell you I mean everything
and the best feeling I can get is knowing you're okay
I hear that adorable giggle, and my stomach tightens
There's nothing I want more than you to be happy

I should be the paranoid one, in fact I am
I'm constantly worrying, pondering the possibility that maybe I'm not good enough
But I'm happy with what I have
and I'm happy that I have you;
Sometimes it seems kind of forced when you say a certain string of words in reply
But I hope with all of my heart it isn't
Because I want to call you mine
I put in more effort than you'll ever realize, more than you'll ever appreciate
It hurts thinking about losing you
But I'm here
I always will be
The thought of you running vivid in my mind almost like a painting
I just wish you could understand

I'm hard not to notice I guess
I stand out
I wish I didn't, I wish I could be the ghost of the hallway
Not a single person even glances
But as I walk through the hallways filled with students, glares are shot at me like gunfire
My mind filled with paranoia at the possibility that these kids are all silently judging me
I just have a weird thought that everybody secretly hates me and it haunts me
I think about it every day, I wish I could stop but my mind is always filled with thoughts
I sit here in my room, thinking that perhaps this person is only talking to me because they feel bad
Maybe that's just me being paranoid
Maybe I'm right
I can lay for hours in an attempt to sleep with no progress whatsoever
I have to stay up until the point I get so tired I pass out
That leads to constant thinking, me laying on my bed
My laptop beside me playing soft, mellow music
My mind destroys me in all honesty
Every one of my thoughts is a paradox
Every one of my thoughts is another question
Why am I so paranoid
Sometimes I just feel like I'm insane
Maybe I need help
I just wish my thoughts could stop for at least one minute
Someone please **** me