Never Ending Tangle

Never Ending Tangle Dec 2012

Will you be my dream catcher
Residing over my bed
To protect me from my nightmares
Only letting sweet dreams into my head?

Will you be my dream catcher
Scaring away the night
Scaring away the evil monsters
Keeping me from fright?

Will you be my dream catcher
Beautiful and true
Wishing me joy and happiness
Letting only pretty dreams pass through?

Will you be my dream catcher?
Will you watch over me?
Will you be my protector
Giving me peace and serenity?

Never Ending Tangle Dec 2012

Need A Hand?

I wonder if you want me to hate you.
If that was your plan all along.
If you made me feel close to you,
Only to pull the rug out from beneath my feet.

If you told me secrets, you said you’ve never told anyone
So that I would feel special.
If you laughed, when you saw the butterflies explode from my stomach,
Every time you smiled at me or held my hand.

Did you mean it when you called me beautiful?
Or was the blush on my face just another ego booster for you?
When you ran your finger down my cheek
Were you trying to make me weak in the knees?

Was that your plan all along?
To make me weak,
To make me feel like I needed you.
Make me think you needed me too.

Do you look back now and laugh at my foolishness?
My naivety?
At the possible thought that we would ever last
That one day you would love me.

You say you’ve felt pain.
You know I have too.
You said you can’t compare our pains,
But I know you do.

I know you think your pain is worse than mine.
That I will never understand.
But when I tried to help you,
You shut me out.

I think you understand pain,
But you don’t seem to understand compassion.
To you, needing help means you’re weak.
To me, it means you’re strong enough to realize you can’t go through life alone.

That seems to be your problem though.
You can never be alone, be single.
No one remembers a time where you didn’t have a girlfriend.
Inside you believe only a girl can make you happy.

I tried to make you happy.
Not merely as your girlfriend but as your friend.
I still want to be your friend,
But only if you allow me to be.

You can confide in me like you did in the past.
I may not be the person you are in love with,
Who you can trust your heart with.
But I can be the person you can trust with your soul.

Never Ending Tangle Dec 2012

Three

Three beginnings.
Three boys.
Three kisses.
Three promises.

Three phone calls.
Three conversations.
Three tears.
Three endings.

*Third time's the charm right?

Never Ending Tangle Dec 2012

Playing the Fool

I am trapped.
Trapped in Dante's fifth circle.
In the fiery pits of hell, I am drowning.
But there is no water.
I am drowning in my anger.
The anger consumes me,
As do the flames.

Love and lust.
No trust.
They have made me a fool.
I jump around for your amusement,
But am ridiculed for my incompetence.
I will no longer jump for you, my king.

Oh my dear king,
Strong and independent you may be
But modesty is not one of your qualities.
Your ego fills the room.
A massive dragon to consume you with your sins.
Your sins of lust which fill your brain
Will now be thoughts of fire and of pain.

Your queen cannot save you now,
Beautiful and gentle as she may be.
For she is conniving,
Just like the snake on her shoulder.
The snake of hell.
The devil’s brood.

Oh my dear king,
At least that’s what you believe yourself to be.
But no.
You are merely the king of your mind.
Your ego has betrayed you,
Just as you have betrayed me.
As I have been burned by my anger,
So shall you by the fire of your lies.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Does your fool amuse you, my dear king?
Do I make you laugh?
Well here’s the funniest joke of all, my dear king.
You.

For like me you are also a fool.
We are both fools in this game of life.
For we have been fooled by ourselves,
Blinded by our sins and our false pretenses.

But a fool no longer will I be.
For I will repent.
While all hope seems lost,
I will repent for my sins.
Repent for my anger,
For my hate,
For my guilt.
God will quench my thirst,
And I will be born anew in His waters.

What about you, my dear king?
My little fool.

Never Ending Tangle Dec 2012

Dealing

Saw a picture of you with her today.
But there's nothing I could say.

You love her.
You're over me.
I guess that's the way it's supposed to be.

Never Ending Tangle Dec 2012

I Surrender To You

My heart tightens in my chest
Like squeezing out the last bit of toothpaste.

My stomach coils into knots
Like a wet towel being wrung out of ***** water.

My brain bounces around in my head
Like the little ball in a pin ball machine.

Around and around it goes.
Where it stops nobody knows.

Which is precisely my fear.
The fear of the unknown.

Or worse.
The fear that my future is headed towards my imminent failure.

One minute I’m fine.
But then a sudden upset.

I’m not fine.
I’m on the verge of a panic attack.

My palms start to sweat
Like a glass of sweet tea in the Carolina sun.

My hands shake
Like the leaves on the trees during a storm.

My arm hair rises
Like a white flag in wartime.

I cannot control this feeling.
This feeling controls me.

I surrender to you,
*my anxiety.

I'm still unsure about this poem. I think I might want to take out the middle. Comments?

Never Ending Tangle Dec 2012

20 Questions

When I first met you, I didn't think much.
We didn't talk much.
Just friends of friends.

Nothing special.

One year later, I met you again.
Just a simple hello.
A simple good bye.

Nothing special.

Another year goes by.
We meet for the third time.
This past summer was different however
Because we did not know what would transgress in the months to come.

Nothing special.

At the beginning of that summer, he had crushed me.
Broken up with me over the phone.
A year and a half of love. Gone.
My best friend. Gone. Forgotten.

Nothing special.

At the end of that summer, she crushed you.
Broken up with through a text.
Three years of love. Gone.
You went to her house in a rage.

Nothing special.

You begged her to take you back.
You cried.
Not that you told anyone else that.
You only told me.
And if I told anyone you would deny it.

Nothing special.

A month goes by,
You act like you don't care.
You hide behind your blind rage.
You told her to never talk to you again.
She didn't. You thought you had moved on.

Nothing special.

I thought I had moved on too.
But at a party, I drunkenly slapped your best friend.
He promised he would make me his,
But like the rest he let me go.
I wasn't worth the trouble.
The usual.

Nothing special.

But then you swooped in with your big arms and big heart.
You told me to forget about it to not stress.
Stress free livin'.
All good in the hood.
That's what we drunkenly told one another.

Nothing special.

Then we went up to your room.
Don’t think *****.
We talked until the sun rose in the sky.
About anything and everything.
Our first real talk and we couldn't shut up.
It was simple, easy.
Magical.

Something special.

As the hangover kicked in,
You kissed my forehead.
You called me beautiful.
Called me wonderful.

Something special.

As I drove away from you and back to reality,
I didn't want it to be over.
I texted you.
You replied.
We began our journey.

Something special.

Staying up until the sun came up.
Sometimes 3am. Sometimes 6.
We talked and texted about everything.
20 questions was our game.
But 20 turned into infinity.
And infinity was nice.

Something special.

You visited me.
I visited you.
An hour away was nothing.
It only made the time with you more special.
You told me kissing me felt like you were in another place.

Something special.

But infinity had to end eventually.
You saw her again.
One smile, one laugh, one I miss you.
Like a puppy you went running at her first call.
You broke up with me over the phone.

Nothing special.

You said you were sorry.
Called yourself an *******, a ****, every name in the book.
You said you liked me but you liked her more.
You were in love with her.
You said you did it wrong but it was the right thing to do.

Nothing special.

Now I sit back and think.
Did it mean anything?
The kisses, the cuddles, the talking 'til dawn.
Did you ever care in the first place?
Do you even think about it?

Nothing special.

Unlikely.
You have her.
She has you.
At least I assume.

Nothing special.

But I have me, myself, and I.
And unlike you I know what I want.
I want someone who wants me.
Who doesn't second guess his feelings for me.

Something special.