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Nov 2013 · 1.0k
What Boredom Spawns
In the bathroom, the change began --
Not from a can,  
but a bottle  
with a model  

advertising the bold color  
on the cover
Stirring toxins --
a concoction  

of basic, mindless chemistry.
changed – simply by
mixing hair dye.
In the form of a minute
The jester free styled about dealing grams under the tainted Charleston moonlight – Drug scene.
Whenever we discussed the existence of God, it always ended in a fight – The unseen.

The harlot was always type casted as the Rizzo, never the Sandy.
Who could forget those black leather pants, oh so tight – Street corner scene.

The king flirted with the innocent freshmen girls, unaware of the imminent restraining order.
He would joke about using the effervescent glow of his skin as their flashlight – Obscene.

The fair lady believed Tolkien was the closet humanity could ever get to godly perfection.
She was infamous for always tripping over the set, a common plight – Off scene.

The wizard dreamed one day to be the first black James Bond, code name Black Mamba.
One day he told me he liked women and men, except the whiney boys of white – Epicene.

You, the minstrel, sang the words to “Baby Got Back” in your high-pitched voice backstage.
You often told us “rawr” is dinosaur for I love you and everything will be alright – End scene.

I, the queen, tried to hide behind the black velvet curtain paralyzed by my stage fright.
But now, I just wish you hadn’t crashed your car into the tree that night – Unforeseen.
In Memory of RKJ
Oct 2013 · 884
Daddy's Girl, Age 3
The chocolate ringlets on her head bounced up and down,
So innocent and carefree.
It was obvious her mother had picked out her outfit:
Black shorts with white polka dots,
Classic pink trim on her matching white shirt,
A laughing ice cream cone printed on the front.

She skipped down the street.
Her pristine white Keds scuffed from constant wear and tear in her Aunt Becky’s backyard:
Digging in the sandbox with her cousins,
Swinging on the rundown red swing,
Hiding in the tall, uncut weeds they called grass.

“Ready or not here I come!”

I held her small, pale hand in mine,
One of the many things she had gotten from my side of the family,
We had hoped she would have gotten her mother’s olive skin,
But we had hoped for a lot of things, hadn’t we?

I ushered her into the restaurant out of the brisk October air.
Her bright blue eyes reflected light from the laminated kid’s menu
And also deep concentration as she struggled to read it’s simple words.

She would be smart one day, I could just tell.
I imagined her walking down the aisle in her black cap and gown,
Shaking the president’s hand with one hand,
And receiving the college diploma I never got in the other.

“Mac ’n Cheese, please!”

She always ordered the same meal,
No matter how long she debated over whether to get the chicken fingers or the pizza.
But I guess that’s how kids are right?


Or maybe dependable is the better word?
She was my first born,
A trial run.
I was learning as I went.

As she finished off her bright orange pasta,
I handed her a small blue bag,
The words “Happy Birthday!” printed on the side in rainbow colors.
I hadn’t bothered wrapping it.
A bag just seemed easier.

Pulling out the tissue paper,
The single dimple in her left cheek appeared,
The same one that mirrored mine.
I wish that dimple could have remained there forever,
But I knew nothing could last forever.

“Angel, mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.”
Sep 2013 · 1.5k
White polos and navy blue pants and skirts paraded through the narrow classroom door.
Red and yellow chairs pushed back from the small wooden desks,
Neon tennis ***** stopping them from scuffing the floor.
"Waxing floors is so **** expensive,"
The principle whispered to the wide-eyed teacher.
Backs turned to the large ears on the small bodies.

Nose deep into the latest Barnes & Noble purchase,
Fear struck me as the two gray haired women ushered me into the hall
Where two navy blue pants and one navy blue skirt stood,
Eyes mirroring each other’s knowledge.

“Now apologize.”

Embarrassment burned red in the six cheeks
That mumbled confessions to their victim
A victim unaware she had been voted most blessed in the chest
Oblivious to the whispers of nerd, pizza face, and giraffe
Brace face, frizzy haired freak, and loser

Friday’s vocabulary quiz asked what the definition for friends was.
I left it blank.
I hate all nighters
Stress and anxiety ****
I give up, good night.
Apr 2013 · 769
The Blues
I'm in love with the idea of you.
So let me know if that idea is true.
What's behind those eyes of baby blue?

For the image you keep is quiet pristine,
Handsome, strong, and squeaky clean.

So while you have all the check marks on my list,
I need to know the true you if I may persist.

I don't want these feelings to be merely a crush.
But boy, that smile of yours turns me to mush.

With your golden locks and casual air,
Try though I may, I can't help but stare.

I just want to hug you and run my fingers through your hair.
And if you don't mind, call you my big teddy bear.

Crushes are stupid. They make me feel lame.
Because getting your attention just seems like a game.

A smile's worth a hundred points, a wave plus two or three,
But minus ten for when you look away without even noticing me.

Acquaintances barely friends, that's all I am to you,
But I still hope that one day, I'll find out what's behind those baby blues.
Apr 2013 · 522
Only have a minute
A minute
A minute is all I have to write this poem
To write this rhyme
To live this life.

Tears fall like diamonds
Flowers float away
The sun is brightly shining
The world slowly decays

Life is but a secret
A story your regret
I only had a minute
But I haven't finished yet.
Apr 2013 · 833
Cheers to the Future
Shock and awe
I begin to thaw
The harsh reality
Of a year of insanity

Change is the name
Happiness is the game
I was stuck in the past
Moving too fast

Love was not lost
But it came at a cost
True love does not fade
It ebbs and it wades

Do not become rotten
What's done is forgotten
Forgiveness isn't earned
It is something that is learned

It is not deserved
But He still served
Live and let go
Smile let it show
Feb 2013 · 1.2k
Falling [Spoken Word]
You fall hard,
Not for the person,
But for the idea.
The chase is more fun.
Flirting, teasing, suspense.
Of not knowing what they’re thinking
And hoping they like you
More than you like them.
But once they like you more,
You feel whatever.
It’s cool, moving on.
But then they do move on,
And then you wonder
If you missed out on something great.
You overthink everything you said or did.
Because maybe just maybe they are the person for you,
And you messed everything up by playing the game
You thought you were supposed to play.
Because that’s how life works.
You only want someone until they want you back
And once they don’t want you
You want them more than you ever wanted them before.
You fall in love with an idea.
The idea of being happy,
The idea of love.
But in reality you only crave the attention,
The attention you probably don’t deserve.
Which makes you crave it more
Because now that other person probably found someone they like better.
Better than you.
Prettier than you.
More charming than you.
Someone who actually likes them for who they are.
So you put them down to make yourself feel better
Because there is no way she is better than you.
Prettier than you.
More charming than you.
If she even exists.
I wonder if she exists.
God, what is wrong with me?
Overthinking is a dangerous road.
Don’t fall into the trap.
This is supposed to be read aloud as spoken word poetry. Enjoy.
Feb 2013 · 507
That upward curve of your lips,
The back and forth shake of your hand,
That's all I need.
I don't need a peck,
Or a squeeze,
Not even a word.
Just a simple reaction from you,
And I let go the blue.
It's like my whole day is completely new.

But you don't know
What those little things mean to me.
Because you are oblivious
Of the effect you have on me.
Kindness is all you mean to share,
But that's good enough for me
Just to know you are there.
Jan 2013 · 885
Be Careful
Drip, drip, drip.
The dripping of distain
Like the rain on the window
And Sweeney Todd's barber blade.

Do you hear the owl calling?
He always asks a question.
Who is there? Who is listening?
Do you dare to mention?

The crunching of the leaves
Under your boots in the night.
Your pace begins to quicken,
Yet you refuse to show your fright.

Crunch, crunch, crunch
The crushing of branches.
Is someone there? Are they listening?
Are they planning their advances?

Why is it in the dark
People's minds begin to wander?
When they are cold and alone,
They can't help but ponder.

The darkness hold secrets,
Mysterious and unknown.
One can't help but fear the night
Even if they are fully grown.

Traveling in a city
Or journeying in a wood,
Fear ignites in the lonely man's heart.
Something bad happening could.

But don't worry, my pretty.
Don't fret, my little pet.
I know the quickest way to safety
If you only heed my threat.

Don't trust the stranger.
Don't trust the creep.
Don't trust the beggar man.
He'll **** you in your sleep.

Listen to the rich man.
Listen to the able.
Listen to the nice man.
Listen to the stable.

But do be careful,
Looks aren't always what they seem.
Because you see, my young friend,
I love to hear them scream.
Jan 2013 · 862
Rainy Day
Rain makes me feel like a wet dog.
Hair soaked to the brim.
Fingers cold as ice.
Hot chocolate and a warm hand to hold.

Ya, that would be nice.
Jan 2013 · 1.0k
Sail Away
Follow me into the sea
Of uncharted waters and disheartened dreams
Where the waves wash away your troubles
And nothing is what it seems.

Climb onto the boat.
Step away from the land.
Where life only drags you down,
And your underwear gets filled with sand.

Leave the past behind you,
Sail away with me,
Don't think about your past life,
Think only of what you wish to be.

The future is ahead of you,
Don't fill yourself with doubt,
The ocean will be our new home,
You will smile never pout.

All we need is the stars to guide us
When the dark comes rushing in.
We will follow them 'til morning.
Let the new day begin.

The waves will be our companions,
The dolphins are new best friends.
Let the breeze gently kiss our faces.
Let this journey never end.
Jan 2013 · 1.1k
Loner or Alone
I long to be with others
To feel the comfort of a warm body
Sitting next to me
Lying next to me

When I am alone
I feel left out

Sitting in my tiny room
For hours on end
With nothing
But the light from the screen
The warmth of the monitor
To keep me company

But then when I am invited
To a movie
Or a game of basketball
My heart pulls me back
To the quietness of my room
The serenity that it bears

I long for kinship
To be included
But I also long for solidarity
For the warmth of my bed
A moment alone with my thoughts

For one who is so desperate
To find a place in this world
In this school and this life
Why do I resort to loneliness
And find comfort in it

Maybe I only favor loneliness
When it is a choice
Instead of a chasm
I have been thrown into
And can not escape

What am I?
Loner or Alone
Jan 2013 · 620
You told me that you loved me once.
Once in that year and a half that we were together.
You told me that I made you happy.
That when I was away from you nothing felt right.
But then the moment we were together again
And you put your hand in mine,
Everything was alright again.
It was as if nothing bad had ever happened.
Like the fights we had never existed.

Because we saw them for what they were,
Petty spats that spawned from ours hearts
Our hearts being so infuriated at the fact that they weren’t together
Together beating as one heart.

For that’s what we were.
We were one heart.
For without you, I felt a hole within my chest
But with you I felt complete.

But then you began to change.
Change from the sweet, quiet boy that I knew
The boy I fell in love with.
You changed into a boy of vigor and of confidence.
You told me I had given you confidence
For I made you feel worth and importance.

But your confidence turned into arrogance
An arrogance which grabbed ahold of you
And tore you away from me.
Our one heart was torn into two.
While your half grew into a full heart,
My half reminded merely a ****** piece of debris,
Debris of the love we had once shared.

I often question if our love was a real love,
But deep down I know it was.
For while romance fades,
Love does not.
I will always love the boy you were
But for now I hate the man you have become.
I want to drown
Drown in the sound of your voice
Voice I hear resounding in my head
Head that is filled with a million thoughts
Thoughts that stem from unanswered questions
Questions that fear responses
Responses that that will never fulfill me
Me who sits constantly talking to myself
Myself who is my greatest enemy
Enemy of my heart
Heart which is pulled deeper
Deeper into pain
Pain which is caused by refusing to let go
Go where I know I shouldn’t
Shouldn’t lead myself on
On to what ifs
What ifs that I know are impossible
Impossible yet seem so real in my dreams
Dreams that refuse to let me see reality
Reality that I don’t want to believe
Believe that the past is behind us
Us which will never be
Be what I imagine it in my head
Head that holds the secrets of my heart
Heart which won’t go of you
You which let go of me
Me who can only rely on I
Dec 2012 · 1.2k
You doubt yourself because others doubt you.
You doubt that you are good enough, smart enough.
You doubt that you can get through college.
You doubt that you could be the first in your family to graduate.

It hurts me to see you doubt yourself.
You who have so much to offer the world.
It hurts me to see your own friends doubt you.
Do they not realize how their thoughts and actions affect you?

Creating goals for oneself does not mean you are setting yourself up for failure.
However without people around you who believe in you,
It is understandable why you can't believe in yourself.
But I believe in you.

I believe if you set your mind to it you can do great things.
I believe you can graduate from college.
I believe you are better than what others think of you.
I believe you are better than what you think of yourself.

If only I could tell you all of these things.
If only you would believe me.
If only you could see what I see.
If only you could see all that you could be.
Dec 2012 · 1.1k
The Truth About Reality
I don't believe that love exists.
I don't believe in a true love's kiss.
Children may believe in fairy tales,
But reality isn't fuzzy feelings and cotton tails.

I am not depressed, and I am not bitter.
I have just learned that life is in the *******.
Sorry if my poem makes you sad,
But happiness is not something to be had.

I hope one day you prove me wrong,
And maybe my change of heart will be made into a song.
But for now I do not have any great expectations.
Instead I try to stay away from great temptations.

The temptations that make me want to believe
That love is real and I am not naive.
But for now I must lock away my heart and throw away the key
And also the hope that Prince Charming is out there looking for me.
Dec 2012 · 706
I am so very...
Of the unknown
Of what lies ahead
Of the things I can't control
Of the things I can control
Of the things that might change my life
Of my life never changing
Of failure
Of success
Of something terrible happening
Of something wonderful happening
Of nothing happening
Of my life being meaningless
Of my life having purpose
Of never finding happiness
Of never finding myself
Of life.
I am afraid of everything and nothing.
Dec 2012 · 1.4k
All Consuming
As I watch the people scurry around me
Like ants in a maze
Living the lives they believe are their own,
I wonder if they can even fathom
All the lies and secrets that surround them?

Our world has turned into a place
That feeds on lies
And treats honesty like a crime,
A crime deserving of immense punishment.

Lies end in reward.
Honesty in scorn.
I loathe the liars,
For they are cowards.

While honesty may hurt now,
A lie will grow and spread like a wildfire,
Like a disease,
Lethal to all those who come in contact with it.

I am not immune to this disease.
On the contrary,
I am a carrier of it.

I’ve always been told
My honesty and abruptness get me into trouble,
But I would rather be openly criticized
To my face for my honesty
Then have people feed and thrive on my lies.

They say “revenge is a dish best served cold.”
Lucky for me, my emotions can never just go into hiding.
They are always front and center
Just waiting to be poked and prodded,
A fire ready to ignite and consume.
Dec 2012 · 520
That's what I need.
Just a friend to be there for me.
Someone to listen to me as I cry,
But then cracks a joke,
And we laugh until we die.

I've never been one to keep good friends.
They leave me or I lose them
Again and again.
But this time it's different,
I can feel it in my soul.
Quality over quantity are my friends,
And I'm never letting go.
Dec 2012 · 2.0k
Dream Catcher
Will you be my dream catcher
Residing over my bed
To protect me from my nightmares
Only letting sweet dreams into my head?

Will you be my dream catcher
Scaring away the night
Scaring away the evil monsters
Keeping me from fright?

Will you be my dream catcher
Beautiful and true
Wishing me joy and happiness
Letting only pretty dreams pass through?

Will you be my dream catcher?
Will you watch over me?
Will you be my protector
Giving me peace and serenity?
Dec 2012 · 611
Need A Hand?
I wonder if you want me to hate you.
If that was your plan all along.
If you made me feel close to you,
Only to pull the rug out from beneath my feet.

If you told me secrets, you said you’ve never told anyone
So that I would feel special.
If you laughed, when you saw the butterflies explode from my stomach,
Every time you smiled at me or held my hand.

Did you mean it when you called me beautiful?
Or was the blush on my face just another ego booster for you?
When you ran your finger down my cheek
Were you trying to make me weak in the knees?

Was that your plan all along?
To make me weak,
To make me feel like I needed you.
Make me think you needed me too.

Do you look back now and laugh at my foolishness?
My naivety?
At the possible thought that we would ever last
That one day you would love me.

You say you’ve felt pain.
You know I have too.
You said you can’t compare our pains,
But I know you do.

I know you think your pain is worse than mine.
That I will never understand.
But when I tried to help you,
You shut me out.

I think you understand pain,
But you don’t seem to understand compassion.
To you, needing help means you’re weak.
To me, it means you’re strong enough to realize you can’t go through life alone.

That seems to be your problem though.
You can never be alone, be single.
No one remembers a time where you didn’t have a girlfriend.
Inside you believe only a girl can make you happy.

I tried to make you happy.
Not merely as your girlfriend but as your friend.
I still want to be your friend,
But only if you allow me to be.

You can confide in me like you did in the past.
I may not be the person you are in love with,
Who you can trust your heart with.
But I can be the person you can trust with your soul.
Dec 2012 · 680
Three beginnings.
Three boys.
Three kisses.
Three promises.

Three phone calls.
Three conversations.
Three tears.
Three endings.

*Third time's the charm right?
Dec 2012 · 1.2k
Playing the Fool
I am trapped.
Trapped in Dante's fifth circle.
In the fiery pits of hell, I am drowning.
But there is no water.
I am drowning in my anger.
The anger consumes me,
As do the flames.

Love and lust.
No trust.
They have made me a fool.
I jump around for your amusement,
But am ridiculed for my incompetence.
I will no longer jump for you, my king.

Oh my dear king,
Strong and independent you may be
But modesty is not one of your qualities.
Your ego fills the room.
A massive dragon to consume you with your sins.
Your sins of lust which fill your brain
Will now be thoughts of fire and of pain.

Your queen cannot save you now,
Beautiful and gentle as she may be.
For she is conniving,
Just like the snake on her shoulder.
The snake of hell.
The devil’s brood.

Oh my dear king,
At least that’s what you believe yourself to be.
But no.
You are merely the king of your mind.
Your ego has betrayed you,
Just as you have betrayed me.
As I have been burned by my anger,
So shall you by the fire of your lies.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Does your fool amuse you, my dear king?
Do I make you laugh?
Well here’s the funniest joke of all, my dear king.

For like me you are also a fool.
We are both fools in this game of life.
For we have been fooled by ourselves,
Blinded by our sins and our false pretenses.

But a fool no longer will I be.
For I will repent.
While all hope seems lost,
I will repent for my sins.
Repent for my anger,
For my hate,
For my guilt.
God will quench my thirst,
And I will be born anew in His waters.

What about you, my dear king?
My little fool.
Dec 2012 · 468
Saw a picture of you with her today.
But there's nothing I could say.

You love her.
You're over me.
I guess that's the way it's supposed to be.
Dec 2012 · 991
I Surrender To You
My heart tightens in my chest
Like squeezing out the last bit of toothpaste.

My stomach coils into knots
Like a wet towel being wrung out of ***** water.

My brain bounces around in my head
Like the little ball in a pin ball machine.

Around and around it goes.
Where it stops nobody knows.

Which is precisely my fear.
The fear of the unknown.

Or worse.
The fear that my future is headed towards my imminent failure.

One minute I’m fine.
But then a sudden upset.

I’m not fine.
I’m on the verge of a panic attack.

My palms start to sweat
Like a glass of sweet tea in the Carolina sun.

My hands shake
Like the leaves on the trees during a storm.

My arm hair rises
Like a white flag in wartime.

I cannot control this feeling.
This feeling controls me.

I surrender to you,
*my anxiety.
I'm still unsure about this poem. I think I might want to take out the middle. Comments?
Dec 2012 · 1.7k
20 Questions
When I first met you, I didn't think much.
We didn't talk much.
Just friends of friends.

Nothing special.

One year later, I met you again.
Just a simple hello.
A simple good bye.

Nothing special.

Another year goes by.
We meet for the third time.
This past summer was different however
Because we did not know what would transgress in the months to come.

Nothing special.

At the beginning of that summer, he had crushed me.
Broken up with me over the phone.
A year and a half of love. Gone.
My best friend. Gone. Forgotten.

Nothing special.

At the end of that summer, she crushed you.
Broken up with through a text.
Three years of love. Gone.
You went to her house in a rage.

Nothing special.

You begged her to take you back.
You cried.
Not that you told anyone else that.
You only told me.
And if I told anyone you would deny it.

Nothing special.

A month goes by,
You act like you don't care.
You hide behind your blind rage.
You told her to never talk to you again.
She didn't. You thought you had moved on.

Nothing special.

I thought I had moved on too.
But at a party, I drunkenly slapped your best friend.
He promised he would make me his,
But like the rest he let me go.
I wasn't worth the trouble.
The usual.

Nothing special.

But then you swooped in with your big arms and big heart.
You told me to forget about it to not stress.
Stress free livin'.
All good in the hood.
That's what we drunkenly told one another.

Nothing special.

Then we went up to your room.
Don’t think *****.
We talked until the sun rose in the sky.
About anything and everything.
Our first real talk and we couldn't shut up.
It was simple, easy.

Something special.

As the hangover kicked in,
You kissed my forehead.
You called me beautiful.
Called me wonderful.

Something special.

As I drove away from you and back to reality,
I didn't want it to be over.
I texted you.
You replied.
We began our journey.

Something special.

Staying up until the sun came up.
Sometimes 3am. Sometimes 6.
We talked and texted about everything.
20 questions was our game.
But 20 turned into infinity.
And infinity was nice.

Something special.

You visited me.
I visited you.
An hour away was nothing.
It only made the time with you more special.
You told me kissing me felt like you were in another place.

Something special.

But infinity had to end eventually.
You saw her again.
One smile, one laugh, one I miss you.
Like a puppy you went running at her first call.
You broke up with me over the phone.

Nothing special.

You said you were sorry.
Called yourself an *******, a ****, every name in the book.
You said you liked me but you liked her more.
You were in love with her.
You said you did it wrong but it was the right thing to do.

Nothing special.

Now I sit back and think.
Did it mean anything?
The kisses, the cuddles, the talking 'til dawn.
Did you ever care in the first place?
Do you even think about it?

Nothing special.

You have her.
She has you.
At least I assume.

Nothing special.

But I have me, myself, and I.
And unlike you I know what I want.
I want someone who wants me.
Who doesn't second guess his feelings for me.

Something special.
Dec 2012 · 7.7k
Twirly, Whirly, Curly Q
Twirly, whirly, curly Q
Hair upon my head.
People say it’s beautiful.
To me, it’s merely dead.

Twirly, whirly, curly Q
Whenever I take a nap,
I look like lightening came down from heaven
And gave me a little zap!

Twirly, whirly, curly Q
Whether wind, rain, or snow.
Humidity is my enemy
I have a **** afro.

Twirly, whirly, curly Q
People stop and stare.
They ask me if it’s natural
As if they really care.

Twirly, whirly, curly Q
I think it’s rather boring.
You pay buckets to look like me
It’s so freaking annoying.

Twirly, whirly, curly Q
Girls tell me that they’re jealous.
But if they really knew the struggle,
They’d agree it’s rather hellish.

Twirly, whirly, curly Q
Straight hair would be a dream.
I’d brush and brush and brush my hair
And never even scream.

Twirly, whirly, curly Q
Alas, it’s here to stay.
But I guess that’s what makes me different,
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Dec 2012 · 638
Lacking in the Details
I've realized I'm lacking in
the details.
In the details of
my life
But also the details of
my poetry.
I think it's because not only the fear of
the unknown
But the fear of letting others in
Of letting them know
the truth.

Because the details create
an image
An image creates
a picture.
A picture creates
a scene.
A scene creates
a setting.
A setting creates
a feeling.
A feeling creates
an emotion.
An emotion creates
a tear.
A tear create
a bond.

A bond between you and me
me and you
you and us
us and them
them and me.

Details allow people into
my thoughts
my feelings
my fears
my heart.

I don't want them in.
I don't want them to know.
I don't want you to know.
I don't want your comments.
I don't want your judgement.
I don't want to know what you think of me.

So I hide behind my lack of detail
my lack of imagery
my lack of picture
my lack of setting
my lack of emotion.

But it seems what I lack is what I make the most obvious.
Because in my lacking people see what I'm hiding.
The inability to let people in.
The inability to let go.
Tired of writing about sadness
Tired of writing about pain
I want to write about happiness
I want to write about gain

Tired of writing about boys
Tired of writing about girls
I want to write about unicorns
I want to write about pearls

Tired of writing about crying
Tired of writing about fears
I want to write about laughing
I want to write about cheer

Tired of writing about the future
Tired of writing about the past
I want to live in the present
I want to make it last
When I listen to music
And sing along in my head,
I hear poetry,
And I wish I could write something so beautiful.

Beautiful words seep out of the speakers
Twinkling in the air
Invisible notes
Prancing toward my ears.

The music makes me sway,
Sway with emotion, with passion, on the verge of tears.
In that moment, I am free.
I drown out the unharmonious world.

Lawn mowers, keyboard typing,
Talking, banging, flushing,
Boys screaming at their **** video games at 4am.
Don’t they have homework?

But who cares because I have the music
And the music has me.
We are not alone.
We are one unit.

The artists sing to me
But don’t know my name.
I dance around
Unaware of my pain.

An escape from the world
These people have given me.
I want to say thank you
For making the world a little beautiful.

For making me feel a little beautiful.
Dec 2012 · 410
Decision Time
Those closest to you will always hurt you
They will say pretty words
Pretty words that don't mean a thing to them.
Everything to you.

They will put the biggest smile on your face
And they will smile back
And you will think everything is good.
You are happy.

You will feel safe
And cared for
And hope that one day that care will turn into love.
But you're mistaken.

Mistakes come easy to you
You always make them
You would think by now you would be used to it.
You're not.

You promise yourself you will never trust
Anyone, ever again.
But then another comes along.
There you go again.

You are afraid to trust
To open your heart
But you are also afraid to close it.
Maybe no one will ever find it.

You have to decide if it's worth it
The pain of making the same mistakes
Or the pain of never being happy.
Decision time.
Dec 2012 · 1.0k
Wandering, Wishing, Waiting.
Wandering mind, wandering heart,
A wandering star secretly falling apart.
My light shines brightly in the dark abyss
Looking for a destination, less hit more miss.

That’s a commonality.
People look at me but don’t really see.
They don’t know who I really am.
Outside, they see a fierce lion, inside merely a lamb.

Big smile on my face,
But inside a simple disgrace.
I joke and I tease
Putting on a front just to please.

I have no idea where I am going,
But I am afraid of anyone knowing.
Knowing the pain I keep inside.
Knowing the fear I try to hide.

The fear of being alone
Of being a cat lady fully grown.
Of no one to share life with
And love being merely a myth.

Every night I wonder if he’s out there,
That kind, silly boy with soft hair.
Someone to look at me and smile
Who holds my hand and asks me to stay awhile.

But where is this boy that I seek?
Will he be here today, tomorrow, next week?
Because every night he appears in my dreams
And he wants to meet me too or so it seems.

I am afraid to rely on boys for happiness,
But I still long for that one true kiss.
God will bring him to me so He swears.
That kind, sweet boy whom I will refuse to share.
Dec 2012 · 1.1k
It Takes Convincing
I hate you.
At least, that's what I tell myself.
I will never forgive you.
At least, that's what I tell myself.
It's all your fault.
You will regret this.
It won’t work out.
I will move on.
It won’t bother me.
I deserve better than you.
I didn’t do anything wrong.
You were a mistake.
It doesn’t hurt.

It doesn’t hurt.
At least, that's what I’ll tell myself.
Vultures, piranhas.
Every thought, every word, every action.
Attack, attack, attack.
Biting, clawing.
Pain, blood, half dead.
Misunderstood, misunderstanding, mistaken, misheard, misread.
Loathing, hatred.
Every thought, every word, every action.
You. Me. Unknown.
I am sorry.

— The End —