i am a hurricane
with a heartbeat

i love and
i take and
i care and
i feel
with such a
recklessness
it will leave
you gasping
for air.

you will spend
years and years
peeling back
my layers, and
by the time you
think you
know me, you will
have forgotten
your own
name

my body
is my story

for you
i am an
open book
        (you lick your fingers
          and peel each page
          delicately back,
            losing yourself
             in every word
                and line)

you say my name
like a prayer

to feel so deeply
exposed to you,
my love,
is the
greatest high
of them all.

i am
a single
atom
carrying
the weight
of the
universe

the cabin
pressure
is becoming
too much

what is
healing
if it feels
like this?

every night
the moon
weeps for
me, and
every morning
the sun prays,
"please,
god,
don't forget
about your
children"

i.
you gave me
these moments
of guilt and
bliss and
guilt again.

this is a  bittersweet
surrender.

ii.
i want liberation

i want to escape
your deadly grasp
your lies of freedom
and promises  of
love

iii.
you left me
with nothing but
a sore body and
a maddening
silence

iv.
i beg for
answers when
they are already
there, laid out
before me,
collecting dust.

i beg for the
strength when
it is already
there, standing
beside me,
saying,
"i've been
waiting for you."

know me
as i am

a speck of dust
living for afternoon
sunbeams, a
windbroken nameless
beneath a starry
collective,
the moonlight
always dancing
over me.

see me
as i am

deadly resilience
juxtaposed with
utter grace

on my best days
i am a flame that
won't burn out

and on my worst days
at least i am still
a light