Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Nessa Sep 2010
If you really think about it
Life is a funny story
Things mostly happen to those that don't deserve it or maybe they do
My life is surrounded by many ups and downs
However my grief isn't the biggest around
Whatever I go through
Is my business
And what I don't go through
Is still my business
Signing on to AIM everyday
You encounter a new story telling away message
Which was written obviously because people are letting feelings out
And because they might want someone else to read it
One day someones happy...
The other they wanna just die/cry
Others rant about how good they are
And others are giving advice
Like I said life is a new experience everyday
I believe life is what you make of it
Things always happen for a reason
But everyone asks what is the reasoning behind it all...
No one can really give u that answer because part of life is to try to
figure out different things
To imagine that our footsteps were already carved for us
Is unbelievable
To imagine our lives not surrounded by grief
Is also unbelievable
Our troubles
Our smiles
Our tears
Our laughs
Is what keeps us going everyday
The way u resolve problems defines who u r
I guess u gotta make the best of it
no matter if u think otherwise cuz who cares what u think?
Open ya eyes and realize that life is here to stay
And even after we die...
Life goes on.......
Nessa Sep 2010
There’s so much I want to say, so much I want to
confess, so much I want you to understand... I wish I
could drive you into MY world... And I wish you could
switch places with me for once... being me is hard...
going through what I go through is hard... u said u
was willing to go through it all with me then said you
loved me but you obviously didn’t understand why I
stopped calling... why I couldn’t call anymore...
tired of explaining... don’t know how to explain
therefore I must stay with my mouth closed and live
the life that I wanted to escape yet I cant why?
Because my life holds on to it...
Nessa Sep 2010
There’s so much I want to say, so much I want to
confess, so much I want you to understand... I wish I
could drive you into MY world... And I wish you could
switch places with me for once... being me is hard...
going through what I go through is hard... u said u
was willing to go through it all with me then said you
loved me but you obviously didn’t understand why I
stopped calling... why I couldn’t call anymore...
tired of explaining... don’t know how to explain
therefore I must stay with my mouth closed and live
the life that I wanted to escape yet I cant why?
Because my life holds on to it...
Nessa Sep 2010
i have this pain in my heart
because he left me
so i feel hate for him
a hate so big that it can ****...
my father my dear father
the ******* that i hate as much as i love...
i hate him because he left me
i hate him because i hate him
i hate him because he's the person because he taught
me how to hate
hate is such a powerful word that has alot of thought
into it
i hate him i wish he would just die
i hate him i wish he would feel what i feel
he is what gets my blood boiling for hate
he taught me how to love and hate at the same time
he taught me the word hatred in my heart
and i hate him with all my heart
if you ask me," Nessa, why do u hate your father?"
i wouldnt have a good answer or a right answer
because to be honest i dont have an answer for such a
question
i just feel this pain in my heart for him
and i hate him
because i cant have him back and because i dont want
him back
im the type of person that usually keeps her feelings
inside no matter what...
so this is one of the truest things i have ever
written
while these tears mark my cheeks
i know that im crying truly because of him
i wish he would one day think and cry for me the way i
cry for him
i want to see him crying and regretting that he lost
his daughter to something so stupid and selfish
a father is supposed to be there no matter what had
happened
i thought i had a hero
and true father that i would say, "wow, my father isnt
like alot of other peoples' father"
"im special"
but i guess it was bound to happen
i wish you could feel everything i feel
the pain i carry with me as i walk the streets or when
i write a poem
or when i simply hear a song
i cant even hear a slow jam without it reminding me of
things that have happened to me
and alot of it makes me cry because i end up hating
you even more
why dont you close your eyes and think for a second...
then just ask yourself...
"am i a good father?"
because i ask myself alot... "am i a good daughter"
and i know im a *****
i know i am
i take no offense in calling myself that
because ive lived up to being a ***** and let me be
that then
it wont do nothing but make me stronger...
i mean im here right?
im living... not happy but im living...
and its cuz of you
cant u feel?
when i cry dont you feel a little discomfort in your
day?
how about in your night or in your sleep?
do u feel anything?
i guess not because i havent received not one phone
call
not one message
not one concern
nothing from you
and i dont want your money
maybe sometimes i feel like i do need it but as my
tears roll down my cheeks and land on my lips,
i answered my own question...
i dont need your money
and even if i did and you were to give it to me i
rather die
i want nothing from you
when you are to walk me down that aisle ....
i hope you have feelings because you'll be crying that
you wont be that man walking me down the aisle...
one day i know that you will feel everything and maybe
even worse than what i feel...
i know this world aint cruel enough to just let me
pass with all this pain
but hey maybe im mistaken.... maybe you do feel and
think at home... but i dont care
because it will make no difference to me
whats done is done
and i wont forgive you
and i wont forget what u did
what i will do is erase you ...
the memory that was
but shouldnt have been...
R.I.P. father...
you're not gone... yet that is...
but i say "rest in peace" now because i know you and
me will get to our deathbeds with this hate...
and honestly i hope you are the one to bury me ...
cuz i dont wanna bury you ...
because imma shed tears of love hate pain and anger...
but to finish it off... imma spit on your grave and
walk away ...
even with tears down my cheeks...
imma spit the same way that you spit on me...
(figuratively speaking) and walked away from me when i
needed you the most...
Nessa Sep 2010
Shaking in fear- she tries to scream but no one is here. He won't let her go-his grip is more than physical, its emotional. When will this end? Why did it even begin? She thought her love was stronger, that his violence wouldn't kick in-she knew she was naive to think his actions would ever change. But those are the risks we take, in a thing called the love game. Blinded by the good and shielded from the bad, like giving all your love and still feeling every bit as mad. She secretly knew his habits wouldn't quit, and she was so tired she just had to sit. She sat and contemplated what her life was about, and as he screamed she zoned him out. The yelling was gone there was silence here. As she slit her wrists she said ' all is peaceful, the end is here'.
Nessa Sep 2010
The man who loves me dries my tears for another man without knowing the true reasons for my tears
and that other man is you.
Its amazing how the years went by so fast
I found my new love
I found myself but in the back of my head my heart will always belong to you
Its been a good 10 years now. But I miss you so much
But am I the one to blame for holding on for so long if you always gave me reasons to hold on.

Since the last time of "us" you got married to an incredible woman
Shes beautiful. I envy this woman yet know she is the luckiest woman in the world
You have a beautiful son and I wish more than anything that you and I could've worked it out
But I ask you again, How can i possibly move on when you gave me reasons to hold on
Everything you have said to me about our so called future and how theres still possibility for a true "us"
My weeping is silent
My tears are all these unspoken words
My feelings are my unsent letters

You know I love you .
You know I always will
I know you love me but in a completely different way
In no possible way do I regret my life though
My husband is amazing , he loves me and I have an amazing son.
A son I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

You shattered my glass heart and Im still holding the pieces although my hands are bleeding.
hoping that one day, ANY DAY you will come and just glue them together.
Maybe in reality I dont want you to come and glue these pieces together.
The man who loves me is doing that without even knowing what hes doing.
The last thing I want is for him to feel for me what I feel for you.

You are the man I loved with all my heart
But i am the woman who grew up 10 years later and finally realized that what I have
in my possession right now is much better than anything I could possibly ever have with you.
No matter the pain I feel when I see you with her
My pain goes away with this unsent letter.
Come to think about it.. Maybe I will send it..
Nessa Sep 2010
Is this it?
Sometimes I feel like this is all we have
That this is all it will ever be
A young couple together for 10 years
2 kids
Never getting married
Same thing over and over again
Nothing exciting
I feel as if I want more sometimes
I don’t mean more as in another man
I mean more as in I want to feel more
More wanted, more loved, more like a woman who he can’t live without
I want it all
And yeah this may seem like I am asking for a fairytale
But fairytales are examples of things that can be worked up to
I don’t think people get fairytales
I think people make things happen and then that becomes their fairytale
I want a surprise here and there
I want to know that you think of me on special occasions the way I do
I don’t want to know that money is so short to get something
To do something special on a birthday
On a stupid holiday
Some thoughtful things don’t need money
But that’s what’s missing
The thought
I don’t want to live the average life that every couple lives
Its so cliché
I want sweet things
Like I said I want it all
I need it all…
Next page