Always hurts to let go
Beginning to find a goal
Feels like everything is caving in
Where do i begin
I'm going through anxiety
Everything hurts mentally
Is this depression or a form of guilt
According to everyone I'm not myself
Sobering up to regain health
I've got a plan
Hopefully one day pwople i love and care about will understand

Where's the whiskey
Nah homie thats the old me.
Nah bro you haven't left
I'm still here don't forget.
Don't you remember me picking myself up
Puking living it up
Surrounded by all the alcohol
Blacking out with no one to call
No one was there
Almost got stuck in foster care
Little did I know.....
Family and therapy was a joke.
Woke up drinking
Fell asleep drinking
Repeated the cycle again
Losing sight with a bottle open
Hey Nel open a cold one
No *******! Look at the damage thats done!
So what Nel, not like it's going to get worse so might as well enjoy it
Yeah good point I'm drink in a little bit
Destructive
Not really productive
Head spinning
Alcohol winning
I'm a chug a new bottle
I prey to blackout so these thoughts don't startle
Ew this reflection is ugly
Smoke me up till I'm a little petty
**** I'm a lose it
Shut the **** up ma I'm going for a little bit
Go buy me a tin
Hurry up before I black out again

Dear mom,
I'm sorry for the way I use to be. Wish you didn't have to see that worst part of me. My ******* made some poor choices lately.
I'm trying to not ghost the family.
I'm just done and depressed lately.
My chest was ripped and stitched
Guess what's open again
I'm running off of no sleep and adrenaline
Wish I can be happy again
I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I love and miss you ma.

One of the days I feel good I get in a arguing text match with my best friend
People ask if I okay but it's not something they care about, its all pretend
Spent a lot of time thinking
Ended up drinking
Now that's my identification
Go ahead and predict my life not like were going to continue a conversation
Things go out of hand through text
Phone calls get voicemailed no **** got complex
If you say you're done then be done
This mental confusion hits harder then a gun
I'll back my loyalty up with the friendship
Not about to quit
But if I'm ghosted it wouldn't be new to me
Let alone with my personality
We've all said **** we didn't mean
Arguing of something in the past as if it was we just hit up a time machine
Now no one wants to talk or speak
Can't blame me for getting upset when I tried to work it out but it takes up time and I feel mentally weak

I clean up
I lose it
I fix the issue
Just to build a new fire
Hatred filled me up
Whats happenin?!
Don't push when you can't handle my shove
I'm something different

Dear Nelson,
You crossed my mind reading some dark post.
You need help and I don't think you should be a ghost.
How's the life treating you?
Any paid time off I believe you need it.
You don't need to be suicidal because you're better that that.
Have you ever noticed your feelings affect others?
Maybe you need to be away for a little while.
Get away from a familiar place.
Come on Nel have some faith.
I really believe you're an amazing man
Not all good people make it and I believe in you.
You shouldn't isolate
Butbi know you cant help it.
Come on Nel reach out please

sincerely your sane thoughts

The voices in my head are yelling at me to do it
The bad **** crazy is helping me through it
I've got a new motivator
It's drop the planet
Love is dying slowly and no one understands it
I'm exhausted
Barely speaking
**** me for my mistakes
I'm a jump off a cliff and let the dark side help me isolate

Tonight I'm a watch corpse bride.
I miss the company when watching this movie
To **** lonely
But this movie is better the nightmare before Christmas but not many people enjoy it as much as i do.
**** ******* hurts losing you

I'm reminded everyday
I am not allowed to stay
Make room so I can isolate
About to let these tears rush down my face
Where are you?
Oh wait
Can I lay next you to you
Oh wait
Can you hold me
I'm about to accept misery
It's like I'm able to push it all back
Just for all of it to shoot further

I need a break
A day in bed would be great
But I can't afford to lay down
Piled up bills have me tied to the ground
I can't afford to eat
Barely can afford to sleep
What's going to happen next?
I'm hoping this job will be something amazing
I just dont want to live life full of regrets