"I'm vulnerable, don't mock me!"
Well you're too gullible, it's not mockery!
"I'm ****** in my head"
How about you leave your boy toys alone instead!
You're always claiming something
But you're doing nothing!
You can't read, you failed to succeed.
Now you're saying you've skipped a beat, but you can breathe. Meanwhile I'm still on my feet, not throwing my shots cheap. But somehow you claim you bleed. Like that's another problem for me!
**** your apology, you've never said it.
You're ****** in the head, but leave it open. Now I'm the one to close it and get called closed minded.
I don't think you can add the two cents let alone divide it!
Commen cents, but not a penny towards your common sense. Now I'm the bad guy, still applying first aid to your open wound. Now you want another man to fill your new empty room?!?!
Get the **** out of here and learn by yourself
But you're ****** in the head and all the sudden have horrible mental health.
That didn't stop you with these men full of false hope
You play but can't take a joke
You know, I should really just throw your name out there. But why would I dare?!?!
Oh, right...... I'm still better than that
Don't leave a voice-mail, don't ever call right back
*****!

You act tough at your weakest
"I'm sorry"
Was all you had to say before it cuts the deepest
Cheap shots fired down the hatch
I'll survive I had armor on my back
My trust runs thinner
But if really commit to me I consider myself a winner
You betray me then you're now a ghost
That's the path you chose
So much for staying close
I trusted you the most
I should've just left
That's my fault for not trusting my gut but now it's your regret
Why would you tell me to go to hell?
I grew up with the devil taunting me you should've known **** well
But I'll find a path without a map
I'll just take a step back
I visit the dark place
It's you that should've stayed awake
Now you lost me and now don't get a break
Enjoy this....
"Heartbreak"
"I'm ****** up in the head"
That's your problem now I left you on read
I said goodbye while you were typing
Wasn't in the mood to keep fighting
Blocked from my account
Now you've lost my numbers of trust but you couldn't even count
I deserve better, you was a part of this family now I'll put that contract through a shredder
Then burn it under a fire
I visit hell on the weekends and it's you burning
I'm no fighter
But I keep learning
Who needs a best friend?
It was you who started it, now I ended it and I won't let that happen again

If I ever fell off
Who'd help me climb back to the top?
My doors closed but Who'd actually knock?
Would you even check if it's locked?
Empty bottles in trash
I never swore it'd be my last
I'm just failing for hopes of my best
Please don't put my patience at a test
I've got shots that made me feel hollow
I still work tomorrow
Did I give away my hoodie or did I lend it for someone to borrow?
Whats the anxiety for?
It's just me, but who could I ignore?
They call out your worse, they don't recognize your achievements
That's why you've ways felt so defeated
Hang in there for the next sunset
Sit outside and watch the stars in peace
Teach yourself to be solo
But expect the worse so you don't lose control
Always feels like the end
But the world's a circle you just have to try again the next spin
Life makes me dizzy
Anyone else relate?
I'll feel upset but I've learned from that mistake

Love never leaves forever
Gives your heartache time for something better
Change the locks
Make a new key
Try again to be happy
As long as these regrets keep sinking
I'll shred the shore to keep my lungs breathing
Not about to drown from over thinking
But these waves aren't shrinking
Eyes watering but I keep blinking
Love is forever but some souls dim together
Some don't shine with one another
But as long as if you keep moving you'll one day glow
Have to learn to fall but one day you'll learn to take it slow
Can't ever promise forever
Just for ones heart to beat better
I'll always give it a try
Treat it like it's my only goodnight
Resting my doubts until sunrise
To my future love please treat me right

Ever have a movie of thoughts in your having a marathon?
But can't find yourself to run that long?
I even avoid the words I shouldn't say in the first place
Trying to stay at a steady pace
I've got my own motives
I wouldn't want to blow it
I'm now drawing in liquor I've got my own life coat
How about you just let me float
You haven't struggled withe so why does it matter where I go?
I'm only feeling safer talking to myself
I don't know who to trust
But I'm doing just fine
I don't want to have any secrets to hide

We're all so insecure
Our body language should be loud and clear
Living for a screen in fear
But that double tapped heart spoke for the world to see
But that's a new language we all speak
Not much for false hope
But I hope to face these flaws
Now being a decent human is a piece of art?
That's a bit sketchy
We're all insecure & we're lonely
That's what something you can't ever cure

You think ghosting me Would be conflicting?
But in reality
This makes me happy
I've got a best friend
Atleast they're real and see it through the end
I'm a bit of a one man army
I refuse to seek help but I'll help others when they can call me
You don't need to provoke me
I've got the memo but I thought you were ranting jokingly
Both sides tough so I stay on the fence
For my own defense
Not all about seeking vengeance
But I love to do my own thing
Sit alone at a park chilling on a swing
Probably the best therapy
I'll love those who want to see the best in me

I'm figuring it out calmly
Dozing off safe and softly
I've got good people watching over me
I've got a shift to go to
Income not much
But it's just enough
I've got a roof just not yet my home
I'm honestly feeling happy
***** the criticism
Not even feeling like a victim
I'm enjoying good people hospitality
I'm finding the good in their personality
I've only got one try
Not about to let that go to waste
Here comes my palm with a wave
Thank you hope you've had a good day
You need help I'm a call away
Always listening to someone talking
I learned how to communicate and keep walking
Most give me a glance
I've got the ones who hug my hand
I'd give them a tag
And thank them for being the best I've had
There are still good peeps^_^

Always felt that my writing was garbage! About to take it out but I chose to recycle it. Saved myself from a mental panic.
I can share it to the world
Maybe keep the real ones in my journal
But I've always put in the effort
Allowing my doubts to flirt
The beauty of tough love put me back to work
We don't farm plants because we're the ones growing
Home grown in this planet
We've learned to grow over a global pandemic
No one can tell me what's trash.
I'll take them out so fast.
About to get myself back on track.

Now I'm pending, messages still sending. Realized these people were pretending. Am I worth unfriending? You're cunning but this is my sanity & it's not ending. That's something I'll always be defending. I don't care if it's offending.
One second I'm there
But then got ghosted in the middle of nowhere
You leaving keeps my thoughts haunted
But I refuse to be taunted
Looks like I've got to cut my lawn
Found more snakes, trying to keep them gone
But who knows what'd happens next because my worth is like a snap
"Pending"

Feels like my steps are talking
While my head spins I just keep walking
World spinning, thoughts winning.
But that's only the beginning.
I find peace with loud headphones on
Walking around with the right song
Singing some rock music
Laughing while Em is telling me to just lose it
I'm taking a step to cool off
Not doing it because I'm *******
But I'll give my thought a uppercut
All that to do a chin up
I cherish these walks because it feels like home
Written in dark cursive has my lessons but I still hold my own
Like a star bright with a emotion it dies out like a flash of a light
To a dark place but a dim light at the end of the night
I walk to get fresh air
Walking to find myself to care
But one day I'll walk there

I've got my confidence back
I really needed that
But I won't let this momentum go to waste
I'll keep a pace
It won't even be a race
I'll reset and start over again
Happily repairing what's broken
In the dark, but the light is on its way.
Sun is resting but these stars light my way home
I'm a make it on my own
I'm happy to say I'm a make it
Jamming to peep singing save that ****
But I'm not about to quit
About to be
"NORMAL"
For a bit

Feels like fighting more than that temptation. Ruins every good relation. It's like throwing hands with the world! Not only that, fighting back the urge to hurl. Wanting to fight everything but wanting to feel nothing. Something to get rid of this panic. Doesn't help with this global pandemic. I'll refuse you to fall apart on me, I'll try to get you back on your feet. You've got a family. We can be each others crutch, I know it isn't much. But it beats falling back into old habits. When you were in jail feeling like you're off this planet. The bad issues piled up and pain really demanded it. Honestly, I wish I could do more than being mental help. Wish I can take the storm so you can have some better health. It was you that can look at me without a judgment. It was you who saw a reflection through my eyes. Both faced a little bit of the worse and dealt with too many goodbyes. I promise homie I'll have your back. I wouldn't want you to fall off track.

Call me a rug because I'm one the ground getting walked on and I'm lying. Did me ***** and no one's prying.  I want to feel okay, but I'm cold and need to get away. Had a perfect job but I lost it all. Jobless, homeless, but atleast I've got passed due bills to top it off. ****** to have to hear everyone's problems before they have the conscious to worry about mine. But no need to worry I've got thinking time. Why give advice, when they tell me the same issue the next hour or day later. I get firm and informed a redirection and I'm a hater. Before I know it that's another conflict now I need my own saver. But instead I speak truth to a paper.

Impossible to glance at a brighter side. I don't even have a flashlight. Depression has the higher ground, I get up just to fall back down. Tear drops form, but turns into ice. Wished I wasn't so ******* nice. Always fighting for others but no other fights for me. As it seems I've got no where else to be. The mockery in my head has me ashamed of myself. Can't even beg or plead for help. A storm hits me, that rainbow left before I can see the beauty. Nothings ever fair, but **** why does this always hit me especially from out of no where. They say strong people do well from hell. But I'm in hell not burning unless I'm freezer burnt. **** being a good guy is the lesson I learnt. Being homeless taught me forgiveness. Being left in the dark taught me to illuminate someone's patch. Just wished I had that comfort right back.

She isn't about to agree, he doesn't even let her think freely. Another favor to the pile. She don't plan to stay for a while. The disrespect, she is close to leave but she never left. Her rant built up tension. Another dramatic behavior, she wants to leave but never commits maybe hopefully sometime later. Ever hear the fear in one's voice, you want to pull up and make someone a victim and not give them a choice? That's me every second I hear about that *****. Bet if I gave him a taste of his own he'll be the snitch. Might as well give him a stitch. Her rant gave me a wish. He loves to disagree, victimized himself so she couldn't agree. Her rant woke me, now I'm hoping to catch him free. On the street, behind the darkness so these fist can meet. Hands on to put his words to a silence. My thoughts held in defiance. With out official warnings because he lost his safety a while ago. Ask his baby mama because he's the one being a ***. Her rant got me ready to be a bad guy in his story. Once upon a time, the end! lights out in a hurry.

I've got a grudge on commitment
I don't care about the next achievement
But I give my penmanship the emotions I should've with my life
"Put down the bottle and pick up your pen!"
How about you mind your own and think again. This is the only place I can go to, only home I'll feel closer too.
These pages have seen me curse, but I swear upon a time I've been through worse. I'll write on anything, as long as if I write down a feeling. People tell me don't scribble, you've been writing so neatly. But it's a doodle I'm not done yet, not completely. Scratch paper my welcoming company. I know what to write, when things feel right. But I won't give up, especially not overnight. Ever make everything a poem or atleast a rhyming statement? Must be just me, I argue that I've got another disagreement. Pencils to help me erase, pens to keep a neat but messy place. Learned to impress myself with my mental conversation. But I'm writing to keep up with motivation. There's no one nor nothing else I'd rather talk to. But you've never interrupted or judged me for the **** put you through. That bottle gave me shots, but it was you who kept me sober. I never fell off with my thoughts, you've helped me to climb over. Thank you for bright and dark moments of my life. I'll continue to keep my penmanship with a drink Tonight. That I can cheers too with some delight.

I know I'm beautiful, failing gave me potential. I conquered being that *****. Some claim I'm a beautiful witch. I **** myself off with my critical thoughts. I'm picky as ****, I want it all because what you've got to offer isnt enough. Sell me your happiness so my mentality has wealth. I'm a ignore mine and others health. They all want one thing, but I do too. But I'm priceless and won't give it up to anyone because I don't like to be used. My impulse ideas bring me a beautiful mess, hard to stay clean when I count everyone's regrets. Talk ****, I'll throw a fit, possibly you'll get hit. But I'm sassy and I won't quit. I care for others a little too much. But what they offer me is never enough. My smile is contagious, be careful love is toxic I promise you wouldn't be able to disinfect it. My personality just kicked me back for dropping a anchor. I'd love to deposit my demons can I get a hold of the gate keeper? Or atleast a soul banker? You do you, I'll do me, I'll be temporary happy. Watching myself with a blush, but thinking of these ******* also filled my thoughts with disgust.

Lost my own respect. The dark me conquered my regret. Sooner or later this will hurt, but for now **** what's broken. I didn't risk it all to rip my hearts stitches open. I'll do my rant, cry on the ground to water a plant. I'm growing black roses to put my feelings in a grave. Too bad I'll be late to my own wake. What a heart ache. My temper has control now respect me I ******* demand it. This is my life you can't have it. I'll repeat myself again just for you to not hear me. Starting to believe you can't comprehend my agony. The temptations to throw hands through these dry walls. Under my pillow I scream I hope you fall. You claim the love when my feelings fall the opposite direction. All I feel is barb wires squeezing my temptations. But the more rage fills the satisfaction of my broken heart. Thank you for ruling my life as I fall apart. I don't know me, I knew me. I fought for you, just for you to lie and abuse.

I've wanted to change, but life got in the way. Wanted to appreciate, but felt guilt and depression got in the way. Drinking a dozen, trying to change for something. Ended up with nothing. But the storms passes me by after a long pause. Restarted to catch these flaws. Homie told me to watch the rainbow in the end. For a moment I can just smile with full attention. The tunnel eventually gave me light, even the brightest stars die. Life full of history but people don't want to make it. I'm demanding myself to work on it. **** those who wouldn't trust me, when have I not left you lonely? I trust, but don't trust. I love to fall again, happens more than a imagination. But the sky brought me a rainbow, I brought my coat this time. The wind chill can dry me off from the storm that caused my emotions frost bite. Found that sunshine, this is a beautiful moment and it's mine

I've got good people in my life. People who still treat right. Can't thank them enough, everyone's struggle because ***** just so tough. The weak emotions doesn't workout, but together we put in the reps. With very little rest. Starting all over again to get this struggle to leave. Even if it's temporary we still compete. But friends I've got helped me complete. I refuse to sink, anchored down. But I won't drown. I fight for the surface as they grab me a life jacket. We swim safely to shore. With the friends I've got I believe I won't struggle anymore.

I don't ever feel like anyone's ready, always going slower and steady. Been hurt so much, life's just full of tough love. But I've gotten stronger with these reps, this will for now be my last set. Someones mistake. Maybe, please don't break. Comfort was all I was craving. I left my heart open, but these fakes left me broken. All I needed was your patience
But wait....catching me at a vulnerable stage, was worth you feeling your ego up while I feel my chest race. My experience was crazy I wrote down some of my achievements. But your patience was lost for me to comfort you at your convenience.
A failed date, then the rant to update. Blogged it to take a verbal break. Now I'm wondering if I'm finding love too late.
Patience is the key, but everything's locked. I wait longer to get blocked. Hands up for cover, also to reach out because I'm a lover.

I've been giving  it a thought. Always second guessed myself never even gave myself a shot. Always thinking like it's my last chance, but I should full send like it'll be my only chance. I've been treated like a mutt all my life. I'll still treat others right.
"Oh he's poor give him food and water"
Then mistreat him like he's not any smarter
I've been avoiding the world with my headphones on
Not giving any attention to what's going on
Thoughts on shuffle, motives on repeat
Pausing to take a minute to breath
I've been giving myself space, but realized I don't really belong at other people's place. I've belonged alone all along, tell me I'm wrong. Do something about it, or rant about it I don't care. I've been a Existence but I'm not a picture to share

As I stay on the shallow edges, I dove deeper to fail again. But that's not the worse part. It gets deeper and darker. I guess that's why the water waves at me. A wave to remind me I can still drown, but I've got to hold my breath. I take a drink for a relief. But I can't accomplish anything without diving deeper. People don't realize **** because I've noticed they're a heavier sleeper. Some even have the luxury of a boat with a life jacket. I'm doing this without safety precautions and I manage make it safe to the shore. Still scared but I fight to make myself stronger because I don't want to fight fear anymore. I can't drown myself, but others have anchored me down. Doomed and suffering but I've learned to swim so for a bit I'm safe and sound. I'll surf the waves in attempt to figure if it's waving hello or goodbye. I'll take that risk and give it a try. What's the worse that can happen? Rock bottom? Even the shores aren't safe.

My only pen pal, but I know my words. Been through worse. I don't care where I sleep. Even if it's on concrete. Warmth isn't my friend but I've made my bed. Wouldn't plan to quit. Sure that razor and prescription meds had my love. But I found out it was more than enough. Sure I doubt, I pout, but after that I'm out.
You can cause me pain, but I'll be okay. I've got some self hate, but that'll be okay. If no one loves me atleast I've got me. I know darkness well. Don't need compliments from hell. Hey doubt, guess who found myself? I am surviving mental health. Dear doubt, you don't have to worry about me. Just chilling by my lonesome drinking some Bacardi.
P.S
Why continue to doubt me but not your own reflection?

I want you to accept defeat, I laugh at you when you're off your feet. I doubt you because you're a *******. With this life **** you need to quit. You're not going to heaven,  hell you won't even be a falling angel. Not even wanted by the devil. But you seek sanity but you're far from that level. You're disgusted by that reflection every morning. You're just so boring. How about you put down the pen, grab another bottle and live a sin. I want to fight to lose it all. Don't want you to find comfort I'll see you in the fall. I've noticed Autumn is your favorite season. But I'll darken it for that reason. I doubt you every second. But now you're losing it all over again. Your friends claim you as a ***. Its funny and I agree with that. You've never had a home, now you're drunk sobbing on the phone. Don't no one want you because you're a mutt. Caged on someone's floor because you're a man ****. You're no where near enough. Sure you've got a roof and some water but no treats. What a relief. Dear Nellie, enjoy yourself because you're absolutely nothing.
Sincerely you're only friend Doubt
I'm out

I've low key got a temper, why was I mad? I don't remember. ****** at the world, rotations on repeat. Am I still considered a cheat? Memories like a movie, I'm just trying to improve me. But not proving for others just myself. I'll get played my mental health. But still will be doing well. Oh, we're playing the compare game? Didn't know, sorry I'm going insane. But why a contest? We're all individually equally distressed. But now you tell me your regrets, but then you claim no regrets so I got up and left. You aren't ghosting me, I'll here about the same problems tomorrow.
I've got anger and patient issues but I keep my lips sealed. Would not recommend opening up because then you'd be a victim by the time I'm done. But all good I'm not about to say ****, I just block it out to make the temper quit. I talk to mywith loud headphones on. What's the worse that can happen, trust me I'm not wrong.

Don't remember what I've got to do to catch myself complete. But I'll take a risk and compete.
A moment away from the world to breathe. But no one should try to **** with me. I've got me, myself, and I to watch my back. Put a shot glass down before I kick anyone's ***. Throwing hands to solve what? No one's really all that tough. Why don't you make like a tree and leaf. Success is all I reach. Even when I'm not, I step back to give it a thought. Take a shot, remember why I'm here because I'll give it all I've got.

With the boys at work, just enjoying ourselves while we put in our two cents worth.
I've got a hollar back, they put me on track. With us it'll be like that. Busted a crackpot to roast each other. A proud homie a good brother.
We laugh to tears, got jokes for years.
Thank homies for patching my back, for you I'll work with some slack

You can't always rely on help to find a way out, whatever stands in your way may become your way out. Panic may be the first that comes to your mind. But anxiety with fear is a common feeling and it happens all the time. Words like you'll be fine, relax before you pass by. But I'd much rather seek out the worse because stars shine as they die out. Light isn't always the answer. You may feel like dying out but a new experience illuminates a new path. Just got to be ready to fight your way back. Failure is just a slower path to success, just got to take chances for a second of rest. What would you do?

I get so tired of explaining **** through my hello poetry. I've got people throwing some shade at me. I've got 10 hours of labor, still got to put up with flaws to return a favor. Same issues with everyone's life, I give great advice. But they avoid it like I'm MR. RIGHT. When do I get good news? Hate being that rant bag that all of you use. Let's take this **** off repeat, skip to the next track because life lessons isn't something you compete. I'd much rather take the time to discover a problem to eventually have it all complete. But no one likes to work harder, not even thinking smarter. I'm the bad upfront guy, that refused to lie. But I get a goodbye, never even greeted me I've always got to fix your life. But I'm no use, thanks for my blown fuse. Better step back I wouldn't care if I shocked you. I'm loyal I've always got to see it all the way through. But don't tell me about the same issues. Just Do Something. The more you cry about it and talk about it you begin to learn nothing. Full Send, Or No Send. Issues don't drop away if you just play pretend

Winter stars still bring me warmth when I'm outside. I'll gaze upon till I've got to go inside. Hands not working, figure tips burning. I watch the stars till I feel sane, doing it in the cold makes me look insane. But the stars bring warmth to my comfort.
I can hardly feel my face and ears, but after a beautiful moment I wipe these tears. Been star gazing all these years. It's like a visual lullaby. Always tough to tell the sky goodnight. Ever watch the sunrise in the cold? Especially below zero? It's still beautiful. Trees covered with ice and snow. Redish gold warms the cold. But the breeze puts it all to a freeze.

Offering peace for those who are decent.
The struggle is real why waste time arguing. I forgive to forget, I don't hold on to a regret. I let that go, I'll feel better sooner than tomorrow. I'm Offering or they're Offering peace. I'm at ease.

I feel sorry for those who cheat
Hope that they find the other half so they're complete
With these scars on my back, I move forward and refuse to look back.
But I won't drown again, I'll keep my arms open. Need someone who's just as wrecked as I am. Someone who can understand. Sure everyone won't be perfect. But fighting for two halves to make a whole would be totally worth it. I'd much rather step back to contemplate, then find another heart ache. But I'm also prepared to fail. Not everyone is bad, just mistakes happen I just so happen to catch the worse.

**** your apology, that doesn't mean anything to me. Truly not yours sincerely, couldn't believe I took you seriously. Just had to be poked, at first it was serious but now it's a joke. We met each others family, for a second I was happy. We dreamed of loyalty because we knew betrayel. But still under a storm now there's hale. Dreamt of love but it broke, now I'm woke. Under a nightmare that heart broke. **** your apology, now feeling like **** so I write in agony.
You decided to chill in the dark when I searched for you with a light. Drowned me under a burnt out spotlight. Now I'm to let it go, but for that I decided to walk away slow. False hope! Started off talking about ****** up **** we've done in the past. Worked on making this relationship my last. But she looked back, picked up the old habits to put it in my track. I tried to take a step just to trip. I guess I'll see myself next fall.
Tough talk after a change, in my past I admit my lies and cheating. But I learned from it, now her flaws had my emotions defenseless. **** a apology when I'm trying to be happy. Fighting mentally, worked together financially. For a 10 minute poke, now loneliness provoked. How am I to take you serious when I'm treated Like a joke? **** your apology, this is me trying to be happy.

When I punch out I sit in my car smoking a cigarette
About to go home and play some Apex
Hour or two later
I put on some TV in my favor
When the weekends young I drink till I get stupid
This is my life I'm happily getting use to it
Junk food and a good drink
Sweats and TV
Punch out till my lights go dim
I'll put on some slim
Driving around for some music therapy
Gas station food because my stomachs empty
I'll punch in, working for my paychecks go thin
Punch out to enjoy a weekend
For that I'll punch out to punch back in

You want to run away, I want to save your day. He hurt you and you've lost trust, this boys a bust.  Come home I will keep you safe, take you here we'll get a place. Helping each other mentally, working on it financially. I'll be your family! You're home sick because the depression cloud is contagious. Being with his toxic *** is dangerous. We can get a place together, I'll help you get better. You don't need a boyfriend, I'll be your one and only best friend. Friends don't lie, I can't wait for you to tell him good bye. Saw you smile for the first time and that was a blessing. Then you went home to a fight I wished he got the message. You need to come home, **** that ***** for ******* around on your phone. "I need you here with me"
I will be sure you'll stay happy.
Like home you'll be with me like Sam and Dean. We'll fight the world till our lives are clean. We both will enjoy life together. Plus my family will watch over you better. We can even write my grandma a letter. Like home why don't you come back, let that ******* lose everything he never once had.

He sips from a bottle
Drinks his emotions that he bottles
He struggles with his looks
Judges his self to feel better
He even wrote a pros and cons letter
He's drinking too much
With his family and friends he's no longer keep in touch
Drank them by a dozen
Drunk calling a cousin
Trying to find comfort but found nothing
He lost everyone's trust
By drunk dialing too much
I don't think he gave a **** any more
He's lost and don't want to be found with the heart he tore
Hes silently sobbing while he struggles to stay sober
Pillahots round after round till there isn't any more
**** the world tell him something that's a new flaw that he already doesn't know
Put his *** back on that ghost mode

I stay close to my daddy
He knew how to fix happy
The struggle I see in his eyes though
Makes me want to search for his hope
He's a single father
Watching for the youngest but it's no bother
That's his daughter
The **** I'd do
The things I've gone through
Daddy I'm sorry for being a ***
But I'll always have your back
You've fixed me, now I gotta help you
Wish I could run your world to pay it back
Hell I'll start so set me up I'm a run this track
Sprint to your heart
Pray and hope you won't fall apart
I remember watching tears form but they didn't pour
That type of a struggle is something I wouldn't want to see anymore
Mama walked out on me too
I know what's it like to lose
But God forbid I let any ****** hurt you again
Ask that ******* that tried to say your name In vain, but was supposed a joke?
I'd a smashed his brain
Call me insane but it's the wealth that's broke
Daddy taught me about being rich by personality
I just pray that one day I'll be able to see you happy

Chain smoking
Laughs because we're joking
Cans and bottles on that tailgate
Singing songs we know to keep the night awake
Blowing smoke
Making a joke
But deep down we're avoiding reality
Moments like these make me happy
I've got marb reds
Avoiding the thoughts that run through my head
Leaving others on read
Time for a great memory
Blowing smoke with a drink to keep me happy
Not a alcoholic
Just trying to avoid the toxic
Blowing smoke about to walk by the fire
Just wanted to sing s'more

Someone grab me a hero I can't speak
I'm isolating under my sheet
Bug bad wolf is after a sheep
Illuminate the Darkside so they can't creep
Screaming but can't be heard
Thought I hear mocking but it's just a bird
Paranoia hits to close to home
But panic is my comfort zone
Who has lived a peaceful life without overthinking?

My heart was sitting on a fence
Couldn't pick a side so I had to learn self defense
Like trouble I'd like a time out
Trying to improve anyone ready to take me out
Here's a chance, but I'm for once generally happy
Aside from daydreaming of a settle
Hopefully one day I'll have my own cute family, but until then I'm okay with where I'm at
Not to skinny, not too fat
Just a decent man waiting for someone to see that
Loyalty is my specialty
The past is the past and I'm on a new journey

Posting things for a future wanted dream
But can't even take a second to appreciate it all because of a screen
Selfies with everything thing
I've notice a nice ceiling out of it
Screen ready to go in the back of the pocket
What's a vacation?
I think I'll ask unemployment
Globally falling apart
Oh wait that's my world
Sorry about that, I write to avoid a anxiety attack
I hear everyone's struggle, but it's a double faced trouble
Ghostface, a struggle wave
But I'm not about to surf unnecessary drama
Just trying to keep a mental picture in a safer frame

One minute they're there to converse
Didn't matter if things got worse
Conversations with me got shorter,
They've got attention with someone else
That's because I wasn't close any longer
But I've got to start using my armor
But my feelings aren't bullet proof
So I began taking shots like I'll run out of stock
Back to the bottom because I was never on someone's priority spot
I could keep filling my glass with doubt
Drink it till happiness blacks out
But what's the point, I'd rather feel numb
People have lives I get that but their subliminal post feel as if it's directed to me and I feel so dumb
What have I done?
Just fuckimg lonely but I'm not alone!
How is that any comfort to anyone? Especially when it feels like betrayel is something they own!
Converse with me is like a question game because I've wondered what intrigued them
No one knew me, just know of what I've done, or who I chill with
I've surfed couches but delt with a harsh wave
Slept in my vehicle not a ******* soul gave a ****
I never knew how to converse because this short story always had to come up
That was me trusting you and showing you some love
But since I'm crazy might as well act like you don't know me
Well that's not all wrong who the **** had to patience to get to know me

I woke up with a headache
Patients about to break
Can't seal my lips with duct tape
But felt better listening to music
Head still hurts though
Time for woke I've got to go

I will do this solo
No need for me to go
Leave me alone
Stop spamming my phone
One
I need a break and I need it fast
Two
I've always showed up last
Three
Preparing to watch my back
Four
Leave me alone this isn't a selfish act

About to head out with the homies we better double up
Drinks on the rocks we about to get this dub
In it to get stupid
I want to act stupid
Talking too much just turn the music up
Have the bass double up
Cranberry juice and titos
Careful lil homie don't be talking to the hoes
We're here to drink, let your mind shrink, I want to see you sink
Double up on shots
Shoot your chances away because you can't be giving it a thought
Jag bombs with whisky
Beer lined up hand them to me
My double fist my drinks I'm a call it Nellie's doubled up
About to give alcohol some love
Late night club
Homies and I are about to double
They'll shoot pool, I sit on a stool
Sipping my drinks as the ice keeps them cool
Let's get stupid
Play a song from cupid
Shuffle that **** on the dance floor
Double up my drinks I'm ready for more