This ache
This pain
I'm different
You're different
We ran the world
Hid from the world
Now the bridges have burned
I'm struggling to keep up
This feels like a lose lose toss up
It's too ******* tough
I don't need a something to lean on
I just want to continue the journey we've been on
I'm ******* drowning bruv

With the conflicts full of confusion
With this chest ache I've found myself pretty close to be using
I'm drowning in poison to numb the decisions I make
I'm fighting Soberioity from the choices I've made
I've always improved and gotten much stronger
But the next challenge had always gotten tougher
The greatest strength I've gained was being sober for 14 years
About to burn that bridge to bring that inner Nel out.
Sick of missing, sick of feeling defeated, sick of over working to just lose it.
I don't believe I understand or relate to anyone but I sure hope you all believe me when I say loneliness is all that I'm feeling.

Which of the fence do I land on?
I've been broken apart and some how carried on.
I feel wrong, I feel gone, I'm feeling aches.
All I've I ever heard was what I'm too do or should do.
I'm anxious to even move.
Chest pumping leg shaking.
Staring off into space with a loud silence.
I've been here before but with a higher price. The cost of friendships and the cost of mental health out weighing one and  another.
Tears form but my sweat to thick.
Hands getting heavier, legs barely moving. I'm stuck and paralyzed with these dark thoughts. A cloud forming and voices calling.
(You okay?)
Me: yeah man, I'm fine just tired

So sweet, so kind, and so demanding.
Cute, adorable, and frightening.
A snap to relight that spark.
It's your birthday, make a wish upon the candles, then let's go take a drive in your car. Perhaps talk or sit in silence.
Cheap *****
Expensive future
Priceless feelings
Gestures so sweet with the treat of a snickerdoodle
How my weakness fell under my desired sweets along with your desirable smile
Both must be delicious coming from you
I best reach out for the doc to avoid this cavity

As if enough, we've talked with exuberance that made my feelings so tough. A love at first glance but a heart shattering after falling for her for just a few hours. Funny how I pleaded to be enough. But she'd bounce between broke boys as if enough for her world to spin. I've rotated mine and have made it go up, down, and back around to catch a smile. As if enough I'm the one that wasn't even enough. She'll never reach high enough to get back to my level.

First off I'm a start with the insecurities.
I'm not afraid of the pain I'm more afraid of you betraying my trust.
Bourbon, whiskey, toilet tissue, and tape to fix me.
I've always been everyone's rock, been know to be kicked and forgot. But most would of flown off like paper so I'd a stayed on top. Waited for their gain so they found the strength in flying across the world as I'm skipping a cross the shores, go keep up with your success as I'm supporting mine with yours. I've been know to unlock doors. But my love would always be yours. Secondly with my my sincerest grip with a gentle firm hug, wanted to let you know that you're all more than enough.