Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Feb 2024

A trip to a lake
My heart had to break
A few drinks deep
If I was okay do you really think I'd a still had the nerves to speak?
A ice cold drink chilling on the doc with me
It's so peaceful
I wished to be happy
Memories flooding
This lake gave me waves
Time to go and be brave

Nellie 55 Jan 2024

If we fell

The harder I tried to seek us out, the doubts in my securities screamed so loud. As a gentle lover, I've come to agreements with my over thinking and man they've become so violent. My heart sang and beat my chest. But in person I'm so silent. A cry for attention put my begging to a rest.
If we fell....
I'd come up with 365 ways to show my love for you. But put on repeat until you give me no reason too.

What's a valentine?

Nellie 55 Jan 2024

Restless

I've been living off anxiety and that **** made me restless.
No sleep again my body felt disrespected.
Pills offered to rest my sanity, but the thought of that sparked flames under my anxiety.
My nightmares destroyed the reality in my brain.
I can't tell if I'm going insane.
A sip of a drink, to silent the inner innocence that caused me to over think.
Nel you good?
NAH, but I will be.
I've got to be.
To be honest I just want to be happy.
But how does one restless soul go to sleep?
With out the R I P?
Let me think? Or let me drown uncontrollably.

Drunk poetry

Nellie 55 Jan 2024

Silent.

His silence is not all the quieter.
The silent that brought chills that brought goosebumps. The discomfort of his expression, the temptations to request any conversation. His silence screamed so loud as if the actions brought out the sounds. His silence cut deeper than any blade, his silence brought agony to pain. Was the silence necessary or was it traumatic moment for him to realize his own silence? As if the sound waves drowned him into deep thoughts. As if he had any thoughts running in his head. His silence brought fear for his safety.
But why so silent? What was the reason behind this?

Nellie 55 Jan 2024

😱

I've always been the first and the last to offer my attention.
Never been much for begging for any in return.
Well,
At least not sober me.
If I were to walk on coals I'm so sure I wouldn't burn.
I'd be cold.
But is it really different than any of my inner thoughts?
Placing bets on my questions that glow.
I'm certain I'd win them all because it's unfortunate but true.
I'm lost and kind of alone.
The difference between you and I is that.....
I'd always give.
Some how you'd be the first to receive and forget.

Nellie 55 Jan 2024

🤷‍♂️

It was your failed intentions that ****** me up, the way you impulsively hurt me me. The way sins blushed your cheeks as tears rolled down mine. Love was meant to hurt me and drive me mad. But I've always loved so madly.
Once upon a time I'd day dream of the right one treating me right. Dates under the dark sky under a blanket of stars. The comfort of a presence.
But now I'm insecure and would rather do what I'd imagine any broken soul would do. I'd smile and tell others I'm fine.

Nellie 55 Jan 2024

❤?

I've been warned to not fall so easily.
But I'm clumsy.
I fall for actions followed up with some attention.
Can't say I'm receiving any of that in return.
Love is so cliche also very difficult to learn.
Most love now a days are toxic.
A argument is
"Commitment"
A compliment is
"A insecurity"
But what do we call fear?
Marriage?
Maybe so, but I'm sure you're following a long with what I meant.
I guess I'll have to give it a chance one day.