I've been warned to not fall so easily.
But I'm clumsy.
I fall for actions followed up with some attention.
Can't say I'm receiving any of that in return.
Love is so cliche also very difficult to learn.
Most love now a days are toxic.
A argument is
"Commitment"
A compliment is
"A insecurity"
But what do we call fear?
Marriage?
Maybe so, but I'm sure you're following a long with what I meant.
I guess I'll have to give it a chance one day.

I've never been perfect.
Never wanted that pressure.
I've always been the first responder.
But I'd be begging and pleading,
Searching for a station on the radio that never existed,
Along with no comforting sounds receiving.
I've been talking to walls and forget what they've said.
Knuckles defending my insecurities as they bled.
I'm reaching out to be left on read.

Couldn't fight the good that turned out to be kind of bad.
I tell myself I didn't deserve any of that.
Had a few tears and a couple of laughs.
Recycling a bit of me to bring myself right back.
I believe I can repair the broken,
Should have not allowed myself to be that open.
Mistakes made me.
Success destroyed me.
Anxiety hits uncontrollably,
Now I'm learning it's not all that bad.
Once again I'll learn from all of that.

Headphones on
Music loud
Shuffle playing
Shhhhh don't sing along
But I'm staring at the ceiling
The lyrics per song had me feeling
Now I'm over thinking.
Hush now think softly
Tell me to go at ease on my body
Headphones in
Some songs on repeat.

Tossing and turning in a dim lit room.
I'm cold, I'm warm, I'm sweating, I'm shivering. **** indecisive restless body. Tell me to go to sleep most of the day to stay awake all night. Mood enlightened but then loneliness kills that vibe. I'm up again most nights. Headphones in again, sleep is something I'm hoping for. I can't tell sometimes if I'm a be alright. But awake again as the sun rises. Chain smoking when I'm tired of being awake. But awake when I'm tired. Back to a daydreaming world. I'm as happy as can be as reality storms. What am I actually awake for? Exhausten comes in many forms.

Attached to a heart with no pulse.
Wrapped around the finger but my attention was paid through impulse.
Picked me up to my knees had me pleading.
Depression had me bleeding.
I'm no longer hardly speaking.
Only voice anyone's heard was a non sober one.
I guess that's why I shouldn't be allowed to love.
But why am I writing love notes to agony?
Is this the only hope I've got left in me?
Can you imagine caring for someone so much?
But my sincerity goes further away from their direction.
Either I am meant to be a toy and rolled up & down wrapped around their fingers....
Or I'm meant to lose my pulse knowing I took my anxiety attacks too far.

The air dark with the weather cold.
In bed still stuck in my head.
Tossing and turning, holidays still burning. But I'm frozen.
Is this what it's like to be numb?
A rush of confusion as the hours burry me in my pillow.
Tears flooding, stomach growling, heart pounding, and I still have no motivation.
Go ahead and fire me.
Go ahead and hang out without me.
Go ahead and ignore me.
My eyes are a bit preoccupied anyways.
Cold waves, air suffocates me.
I'm paralyzed with depression.
I don't need no counseling.
Shhhhhhhh
I'm a try to sleep the world away.