Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Attached to a heart with no pulse.
Wrapped around the finger but my attention was paid through impulse.
Picked me up to my knees had me pleading.
Depression had me bleeding.
I'm no longer hardly speaking.
Only voice anyone's heard was a non sober one.
I guess that's why I shouldn't be allowed to love.
But why am I writing love notes to agony?
Is this the only hope I've got left in me?
Can you imagine caring for someone so much?
But my sincerity goes further away from their direction.
Either I am meant to be a toy and rolled up & down wrapped around their fingers....
Or I'm meant to lose my pulse knowing I took my anxiety attacks too far.

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

S.A.D

The air dark with the weather cold.
In bed still stuck in my head.
Tossing and turning, holidays still burning. But I'm frozen.
Is this what it's like to be numb?
A rush of confusion as the hours burry me in my pillow.
Tears flooding, stomach growling, heart pounding, and I still have no motivation.
Go ahead and fire me.
Go ahead and hang out without me.
Go ahead and ignore me.
My eyes are a bit preoccupied anyways.
Cold waves, air suffocates me.
I'm paralyzed with depression.
I don't need no counseling.
Shhhhhhhh
I'm a try to sleep the world away.

Part one.

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Siren

With the voice of a siren.....
I can still see myself getting lost in those eyes. Abandoned ship! I'm floating the dark ocean. No where to swim too. Just the night skies with a siren singing to me. I'm unsure if it's a trap or the key to my safety. With a voice like that? How could it be a trap? A kiss so sinister and the feeling of being secure. Where do I go from here? Once upon a broken smile? I'm brain washed from this voice. My body aches and I'm tired. I'm sore, I just don't want to swim anymore. If you're going to swim with me.....
Then swim and don't drown me.
Please

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Dads iPod

Hey dad I've been anxious. Dad I have not been sleeping. Hey dad I've got a stable job. Dad what's it like watching me grow up? Hey dad I forgot to take it slow when I get shots and mix drinks lined up. Dad, I wish you can hear me right now as I'm driving through town listening to your iPod.
I'm just talking to myself and jamming to a childhood playlist. I leave everything how you left it. I swear music was the only way we got each other to listen. Dad I wanna have a reason to listen to your playlist as I cruise the night away. Hey dad, I understand what it's like to be deprived from sleep now. Hey dad, I wish I could hug you. Hey dad I love and miss you, that's a feeling I've got no shame putting on repeat. I'll shuffle life away, but I'll still put your laughs and smiles on repeat. Just wish you'd be able to talk to me. I miss your advice and your sarcastic jokes while teaching me a lesson. But it's fine now.... I've got dads iPod

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

❄❄❄

I should probably turn off my phone.
Drinking habits began from a broken *** home.
Brain washed from toxic relationships and toxic habits.
Here's a shattered heart anyone can have it.
How are you not cold? How are you holding on?
I once learned how to swim from thin ice, I've became my own anchor.
I've been doing most on my own.
Shhhhhh
This is the part where you don't get to see me open up.

I'll swim myself to safety.

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Writers block/list?

I don't I can ever compete.
A trillion thought hite at once.
Can't write, can't think, can't eat nor sleep.
Just some dark poetry.
A little bit of Breaking Benjamin to get me through my anxiety attacks.
***** they come in waves. I forget to journal and forget to write words.
For better possibly for the worse.
I can't forgive anyone but myself for the ones who had my hurt.
Jokes on you I can't write to express myself tonight, that's all you'll be able to read from my poetry.

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Northern Night

I wanted what you wanted.
Time spent under the stars, I'm enjoying you from up close and from a far.
Loud music and drinks from your car.
Northern lights flooding the sky. We left early, but the Eskimo kisses had me blushing with colors. Northern Nights with each other.
I would like to hold your hand again, this night is amazing especially when I spend it with you. I held you so close. We was jamming in my front seat. Northern night with no lights to see. But it was your northern smile that lit up my eyes.

Them Eskimos tho