Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Hey dad I've been anxious. Dad I have not been sleeping. Hey dad I've got a stable job. Dad what's it like watching me grow up? Hey dad I forgot to take it slow when I get shots and mix drinks lined up. Dad, I wish you can hear me right now as I'm driving through town listening to your iPod.
I'm just talking to myself and jamming to a childhood playlist. I leave everything how you left it. I swear music was the only way we got each other to listen. Dad I wanna have a reason to listen to your playlist as I cruise the night away. Hey dad, I understand what it's like to be deprived from sleep now. Hey dad, I wish I could hug you. Hey dad I love and miss you, that's a feeling I've got no shame putting on repeat. I'll shuffle life away, but I'll still put your laughs and smiles on repeat. Just wish you'd be able to talk to me. I miss your advice and your sarcastic jokes while teaching me a lesson. But it's fine now.... I've got dads iPod

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

❄❄❄

I should probably turn off my phone.
Drinking habits began from a broken *** home.
Brain washed from toxic relationships and toxic habits.
Here's a shattered heart anyone can have it.
How are you not cold? How are you holding on?
I once learned how to swim from thin ice, I've became my own anchor.
I've been doing most on my own.
Shhhhhh
This is the part where you don't get to see me open up.

I'll swim myself to safety.

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Writers block/list?

I don't I can ever compete.
A trillion thought hite at once.
Can't write, can't think, can't eat nor sleep.
Just some dark poetry.
A little bit of Breaking Benjamin to get me through my anxiety attacks.
***** they come in waves. I forget to journal and forget to write words.
For better possibly for the worse.
I can't forgive anyone but myself for the ones who had my hurt.
Jokes on you I can't write to express myself tonight, that's all you'll be able to read from my poetry.

Nellie 55 Dec 2023

Northern Night

I wanted what you wanted.
Time spent under the stars, I'm enjoying you from up close and from a far.
Loud music and drinks from your car.
Northern lights flooding the sky. We left early, but the Eskimo kisses had me blushing with colors. Northern Nights with each other.
I would like to hold your hand again, this night is amazing especially when I spend it with you. I held you so close. We was jamming in my front seat. Northern night with no lights to see. But it was your northern smile that lit up my eyes.

Them Eskimos tho

Nellie 55 Nov 2023

🔦

I've been searching all over the the place for myself. To be honest I'm glad I've never really had help. Had plenty of support, not when it's about mental health. I think what I want. I'm letting go before I allow myself to be drunk and numb. But let's pretend I'm successfully doing that first. I tend to think of the worst. Unable to forgive myself for those whom I've hurt. But I keep busy and I'm finding myself lost with work. I've had plenty of opportunities to explain my emotions but I'm usually lost at words. Once I find myself I'm a illuminate myself so I can see when darkness takes over.

Nellie 55 Nov 2023

Hmmmm :)

A sip of desire, a beautiful smile had me inspired. Voice of a siren, kisses had me dying.
I'm at a struggle but her smile put me on my feet. Have no idea what this means. Beautiful selfies from a queen.
Feels got better
Wished to write a letter
Soft as a feather
Her Hand held mine together
Hmmmm a smile
A kiss
Tell me and show me that there is a place better than this.
I'll wait, but until then I'm mentally at peace.

Even the Eskimo kisses got me blushing bro 😎

Nellie 55 Nov 2023

Idk man i **** at titles

A moment to own.
But a moment to let go.
Vulnerability like a disease.
But I've got to put my soul at ease.
How do you erase a feeling?
How do you delete a chapter in your life?
Too late not possible.
You can make edits, you can put in corrections. But you can not delete. Letting go is a huge roll before your next chapter. Being toxic is curable, you've just gotta stop being vulnerable.
"Will you re-read your chapter?
Are going to move on to the next? "
Shhhhh
I'm moving on to the next page.