Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Nov 2023

A moment to own.
But a moment to let go.
Vulnerability like a disease.
But I've got to put my soul at ease.
How do you erase a feeling?
How do you delete a chapter in your life?
Too late not possible.
You can make edits, you can put in corrections. But you can not delete. Letting go is a huge roll before your next chapter. Being toxic is curable, you've just gotta stop being vulnerable.
"Will you re-read your chapter?
Are going to move on to the next? "
Shhhhh
I'm moving on to the next page.

Nellie 55 Nov 2023

Empty

The feeling of nothing, the urges to want something. How do I search for motivation? I'm in bed Isolating, I kind of feel like deteriorating. Can't tell if I'm in shock or if that I'm just numb. I've got a empty feeling and I wish to be done. The weight on my shoulders, the curiosity of a dead lift. Why must everything be so heavy. I wish to a struggle but I'm honestly feeling empty.

Nellie 55 Nov 2023

Voicemail

I just listened to all of your messages on my phone, still some how comforting but I'm on edge and I felt so alone. We both had a great adventure, you and I kept each other safer. But a storm struck and put you at danger. I'm at a lost of words, **** really hurts. With the words I could of said, they're now trapped in my head. Too the moon and back baby, been missing you a **** ton lately. I don't think I'll ever recover, but I'd still repair myself and hope I can put it back together. I miss sending you letters. Darling you deserved better. I came accross old pictures I forgot about. Laughed out loud, cried silently. Now my storms full of panic attacks swarming my chest with anxiety. Hello darling I miss you so much, a voicemail to get me through for a moment. You're quotes "I love you"
Got me through after a moment of hyperventilation. I wish to squeeze you and hold you for life. How do I accept reality because this **** isn't right. Cupcake I love you and I'll be sure to take it easy tonight.

I'll take care of your type writer

Nellie 55 Oct 2023

Untitled

She hinted I took it toooo far, but I was just sipping beer and whiskey at my favorite bar. Might of pregamed too much, love and flirts is just far enough. I'm built tough, but my desires were more than enough. I played too much at a bar, I really hope I didn't take things too far. A reset and restart. I'm a take safety courses for my and others heart. Pray and hope I don't break or go too far. Limits needed to be reached, but I was vibing and cruising past the recommended speed. I'm a learn how to take it easy, I should of known better. My sincere apologies I hope to make peace or at least make things better.

Nellie 55 Oct 2023

Poor me or pour me?

Low key trying to respect myself. I've been battling some mental health. It's concerning to my loved ones and they believe I need to seek some help. Have been ignoring myself, I'm no stranger to hell. My heart pleads, got my soul praying on my knees, and impulsive thoughts to make these wrists bleed. Never ever felt so weak. So I'm see myself, when I'm ready I'll get some help. Slowly working out by itself. No concerns here. I've been repairing my heart, I've built up these walls. I'm defending my emotions, I black myself out I'm a lose more than just my control. A sip of dark liquor to illuminate my way. I'm drowning in shots that drown me in their waves. I'm lying in bed telling the world I'm okay! I'm getting wasted to dance away my internal pain. I'm conflicted and I forget how to find my way. I'm on a date with regret and depression. I laugh out loud and take more shots to feel nothing.

Would rather slam Bourbon and Whiskey.

Nellie 55 Oct 2023

🌜🥧

First step and a couple back, I've paced myself to run this track. Free from me, free from hell, free from a snare I've gotten out of a cell. I've wondered what freedom felt like. Can't really tell you, but my heart can show you. I've been on the move, I've fought like hell because I've got my love to lose.
I'm free from a toxic drug, I'm free from the old me. I barely met the new me. But in love with the way I've handled me. Can't begin to express how good it feels to drop those reps. Every thing was so heavy and now I've got no stress. Can't even say I've got regrets, I was the change and now I'm free to seek happiness.

Nellie 55 Sep 2023

Be yours

I just want to be yours. Keep you on the safe side of the sidewalk and open the doors. My own personal queen, my loveable human being. Love falls and I'm raked up. Safer wrapped in your hands. Your smile branded in my head, daydreaming of us chilling in bed. Conversations that don't end. I need you all the time, I need you to be mine.
Last relationships I've had weren't much better, but for you I'll give you my forever. Harder to accept but I won't allow me to fall with out a parachute. Maybe that's why I'm falling harder for your view. A love so unique and new. Hopefully you'll be the only one I can officially say..... I do.